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Wife with End stage Ovarian Cancer
LostinNL
2 Posts
Hi, I never thought that I would have to write these words but here I am. My spouse was diagnosed with with stage 4 Ovarian Cancer in March 2021. We tried surgery and chemo (FolFox) and it worked for a few months. Suddenly she couldn’t eat without throwing up and we found out that the chemo had stopped working.
We have 2 children 12 and 2. The oldest knows that his Mom has cancer, but we have been telling him that Mommy is going to fight to get better. I know now that there is no getting better… the doctor told me that we have months and not a lot of them.
How do I tell my son that his mom is dying? I can’t even accept it myself. I am so worried about him and I want to protect him, but this is something that he can’t be protected from.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.
All love!
LostinNL
5 Replies
Trillium
1568 Posts

Welcome to cancer connections @LostinNL! Oh gee. How hard this must be for you and your family. I wanted to just let you know that we are all here for you. I will be back a little later with some information for you and to talk more. Others will be along soon too.

Warm hugs

Trillium

Hello and welcome @LostinNL .

I am so sorry for the reason you find yourself here. As you have said, this kind of news is extremely difficult for an adult to process, let alone a child.

I wanted to share a couple of links with you that may be helpful now and over the next while.

Talking to children about cancer - this is from cancer.ca

Canadian VIrtual Hospice - this site is full of information for families with a life threatening disease. Under the Topics and Support tabs you will find a lot of topics that will likely come up over the next while.

And of course we are here for you to vent, cry, ask questions, and get support.

Thank you for reaching out and trusting us during this difficult time.

Hugs

Lianne

Whitelilies
1475 Posts

@LostinNL Hello and welcome to our caring community….I am so sorry, to hear of your wife's diagnosis….it is truly difficult, on the entire family….please know you have found a group of folks, eager to listen and share and support one another. I will include a link below, and hope you find it helpful.

We, as parents, always want to “protect” our children (I have 2 sons)….it is an instinct…..you want to protect your older child…..share with him/her that sometimes “Life” has bumps and curves and ends….give info that is age appropriate…..

Please lean on us…….sending hugs to you and we will support you, every step of the way.

Whitelilies

#latestagecancer

Trillium
1568 Posts

Hello again @LostinNL. I wanted to add some more resources for you to read through when you feel up to it in case you have not seen these Canadian Cancer Society resources. Although these are written for the person with cancer they are just as valuable for the rest of the family.

https://www.cancer.ca/en/cancer-information/cancer-type/ovarian/supportive-care/?region=on

https://cancer.ca/en/living-with-cancer/advanced-cancer

https://www.cancer.ca/en/cancer-information/living-with-cancer/your-emotions-and-cancer/coping-with-anxiety-and-stress/?region=on

This thread below has a few members talking about how they dealt with telling their children.

https://cancerconnection.ca/discussions/viewtopic/81/67773

I read a book by a mother, Jai Pausch (loved it) who talked about telling their young children that their dad was dying. They had just told them that their dad was really sick at times when he could not engage with them and waited until the very end so as not to have them worrying everyday about their father dying. When he did die they had each child sitting on an adults lap to tell them and let the grieving take its course.

I’m so sorry you have to go through this. Keep talking to us whenever you feel like it. We are here with you.

Caring hugs

Trillium

LostinNL
2 Posts

Thanks for the kind words and resources everyone. It means a lot to have these tools and experiences to lean on.

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