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Worried daughter
Deepaul
6 Posts
Hi everyone,

not sure where to look for advice these days. My mom was recently diagnosed with uterine cancer(summer mths) but a bit more complicated as it was found in lymph nodes surrounding the area and maybe travelled locally. She started with a hysterectomy, just finished 5 weeks of chemo/radiation and starts chemo again in 2 weeks for the next 4 mths. This came  out of no where, which made it so difficult to comprehend and believe it to be true. Where can I get info on how to cope with a parent going through this? I have 2 brothers and we’re all doing our part to care and show her support. My dad is great with her as well. I miss her smile, her bigger than life personality, her kind and selfless ways to her children.. please advise anything we can do to bring her spirits up, she is just so low these days. So incredibly low.. and Covid shut down doesn't help with offering no distractions..

 I use to be able to make her smile so easily.. and now, nothing helps.

Not even sure if I have a question, It’s nice to have a forum like this where I can be open and read about other people’s experience.  Thank you to those who have written and shed done light on their own stories.. so helpful for be to relate to... I just feel so helpless these days. 
7 Replies
Brighty
6286 Posts
Deepaul‍  so glad you posted.     So sorry about your mom.   It's so heartbreaking to see a parent  suffer.    We are here to support you  as well as give you information.    To start you off , if you click on 'forums 'we have a number of discussion groups.     There's a caregiver  discussions , one called 'coping with a parent's diagnoses 'as well as different  cancer type discussions.     There is one on uterine cancer.     You can connect  with lots of others in those groups.    
Your mom is so lucky to have you and your entire family so devoted  to her.      I'm glad you are sharing  the caregiving with your family and that you have each other to lean on for support.     
     to cheer her up... what does she like to do? Are you able  to go there and spend time with  her or are you doing  it from a distance?      If you can go there, you can do some fun things together like playing board games, trying new recipes,  or watching funny movies.   If you are doing  it from afar, you can do Zoom calls and have different  things to do on there...games,  art classes by zoom,book clubs on zoom... everything  is offered on line these days.   You can also send groceries,  care packages,  flowers and other things she might  like.     Be in regular touch and just by being there and spending tbe time is often enough.     How are you dealing with everything?    Do you have  someone  outside tbe family  to talk to? Perhaps  a councellor?      Oncology  social  workers  are great, family  doctors are also a wonderful  resource for referrals. .and of course our cancer info line 1888 939 3333.. Who will be able to help you as well.     I hope that will be a good start  and I'm sure you will get other responses as well with plenty  of suggestions  and support.    This is a wonderful  community  and you won't be sorry you joined.   Be in touch  and let us know how you are doing and how your mom is.   
Deepaul
6 Posts
This is already so helpful. Thank you for all the suggestions. I will check out other forums as well and perhaps a Counsellor would be helpful.. I won’t feel guilt about talking openly and honestly about how I feel (don’t want to bother my friends with this, Covid is already running people down).  Funny movies, flowers, art classes... I like all these things for her! I live around the corner and see her mostly everyday... so these suggestions are great! Thank you so much 
Trillium
829 Posts
Deepaul‍ - You have found a wonderful support site here. Brighty has given you many resources and I’ll just add the link to the thread she mentioned below.

Coping with a parents diagnosis

I am a caregiver for my son who had testicular cancer and know all too well how as caregivers we can give so much we forget about our own needs and well being. The Canadian Cancer Society has a guide for caregivers which I linked below if you have not seen it yet.

Caregiver Guide
Cedar
27 Posts
Deepaul‍ When I was diagnosed with uterine cancer just about a year ago now, my daughter was my rock. It was comforting to know she was there for me. It sounds like you have a similar relationship with your mom, and even if she may not show it, she knows you are there for her. My cancer also "came out of nowhere" as I am fit, a non-smoker, no family history, I didn't tick any of the boxes other than being a woman. One thing I found helpful, as well as the suggestions by others on this forum, was Yoga Nidra. This is a meditative "sleep yoga" which involves no physical movement. It helped relieve anxiety, turned focus away from negative thoughts, and kept me from going into the dark places my mind was leading me to. A google search should give you lots of free options.
Deepaul
6 Posts
Cedar‍ 

Yes, the same as my mom. Healthy, non smoker, didn’t drink, walker... never missed a doctors appointment. Came out of no where and a big surprise to us all.  She does suffer from anxiety and depression but her active life and big social network and love for dancing were medicine for her well-being. But since her diagnoses, lack of being social due to Covid, has put her in a depression. She does talk with someone, once a week and is on anxiety medication which helps. But it’s not easy for her. I will mention that particular yoga nidra to help ease the anxiety.  A mom and daughter relationship is so special and I’m glad you had your daughter. My mom knows I got her back. It’s just hard for me some days to see someone I love so much go through this. I know I am one of many on similar journeys. Thank you for your kind words. 
Boby1511
303 Posts
Deepaul‍ 
You sound wonderfully supportive. 
 
JustJan
345 Posts
Deepaul‍ welcome to the site. Your mom is lucky to have such a caring and supportive daughter. 

Being diagnosed with cancer is a life altering experience. As a person who was diagnosed with both breast and ovarian cancers the first half of 2019, I can tell you that it was very difficult for me to discuss how I was really feeling about it with my husband and especially my children (27
and 31 at the time). As a mom you want to protect your children even if they are grown. Your mom may be still coming to terms with her diagnosis and what that may mean for her. It is very different for the person with cancer than those trying to support them. I’m glad your mom is speaking with someone and hopefully that is helping her. 

Are there things that you did with your mom like watching movies or baking that you could get her to do with you? What about setting up some Zoom calls with her friends and having a social that way? Maybe even a dance party.The situation is only made more difficult because of Covid and one has to be a little more creative in finding ways to stay connected. 

Again your mom is very lucky to have you. I hope you can find some strategies to help
support her. 
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