Dave73 you are November too???? Holy man!!! I'm actually a Scorpio. I'm November 9th. :-) not really sure I fit the profile of a Scorpio though. I think you fit the Sag profile though :-) From what I read about you in your posts.
Congratulations on your good oncology report, I know the relief you must be feeling.
I am so so very happy for you.
Keep moving forward with the strength you have shown in your journey and soon you will be done with treatment.
You have come so far from your first posts and the fear you faced with your devastating diagnosis to coming to terms with it and taking on this battle with strength and determination.
None of us want what we have been dealt but we have no choice but to deal with it. You have dealt with it with dignity and I do know that will have helped both you and your family.
I am proud of you and wish you many long healthy happy times with your family.
How could we have a discussion about summertime memories without talking about sailing...
So many good memories. There is nothing like the feel of the tiller in your hand and the boat heeling over and accelerating into the wind. The rise and fall of the waves. Salty spray in your face. Does life get any better?
Or a gentle breeze moving the boat smoothly down wind. Warm sun on your back. Sails filled and taut. And a dolphin or two leaps by the boat or an orca rolls just by the dinghy you're towing.
What a great dream you have described for me, I feel like I am in that sail boat with you. You could be a writer. I felt relaxed when I read it. What an uplifting post for this discussion. Thank You WestCoastSailor.
Have done a little sailing on a small lake however it is usually hard to find enough wind. Although there are some days at the right time it works.
One year to date since diagnosis. Last summer fell into the abiss. Today I watched my lovely silly man chase my BFF's grandson from Italy around the yard. What fun. We speak English, he Italian and my husband from Quebec. We laughed and laughed.
this years memories are the best.
Cancer by damned.
This summer was weird. I was worried going into it. For the last two summers I was a full time caregiver for my Mom. I sidelined everything in my career and graduate school program to be there for her. I ended both summers burnt out, but last year was particularly difficult.
This May flew by with work and a lot of program deadlines. When I finished my semester, I spent June at my parents' home with my Dad. It was an extremely tough visit, and not the reprieve I needed. I went back to teaching in July and August. And now it's September...
I am a pretty introspective person. I've been thinking about how this makes me feel a lot. On the days when I feel really low, and I tell my Dad or older brother, they both tell me to think of the happy memories instead. But there's a weight to the summer months that's hard to describe. By the end of August, I just wanted summer to end. But last week I realized that we are nearing the anniversary of when we found out second line chemo wasn't working, and that my Mom was terminal. I realized it had been a year since I had had a normal, full conversation with my Mom as her health and lucidity declined very quickly by the end of September. And I remember her fear, more than anything.
In June, I found a piece of paper in the main floor office of my parents' house, a room that had been my Mom's bedroom at the end since it avoided all stairs. My sister in law had printed off lists of questions about my Dad, brother and I, as a way for her to write us letters. She didn't get very far, but a doodle on the back of one has been burnt into my mind. My mom had written "I wish I was there with you." On hard days that's all I think about. She wanted to beat it so bad, but she ultimately knew she couldn't. And her fear of what came next crippled our ability to do anything like a bucket list. In the end, she was at peace. But it really hurts, especially on days like today when I'm feeling really low.
September 2nd marked 9 months since she had passed. With Fall coming, I find myself reliving the nightmare that was the end of last year. Autumn has always been my favourite season, and my Mom adored when the leaves turned colours and she got to break out her sweater collection. The start of a new semester has always inspired hope and excitement for me. And I feel a little of that still. But I am also feeling, perhaps, the most disconnected from her and my family. My Dad has really withdrawn from talking with me over the summer. My Dad, brother and sister in law all visited for the long weekend and it was a disaster of a trip. My Dad and I had a huge fight. He has since gone on to pretend nothing happened, but has largely not spoken to me in the last week at all.
I guess all of this is to say, I struggled less in the summer that I expected, but it's really hitting me now. And the highs and lows are still coming, with each wave of grief getting larger. It's making it so hard to work and focus.