Posted by scaredysquirrel on Dec 26, 2018 5:59 pm
Posted by Brighty on Dec 26, 2018 6:08 pm
Posted by princessmaura on Dec 27, 2018 4:38 am
I have been enjoying the Christmas season...Christmas is one of my favourite times of the year...don't give up hope...Brighty is right...tomorrow is the first day of your life: pick up the pieces and start all over again...think positive and you will attract positive energy...wishing you a Happy New Year 2019...best of luck!
Posted by Jackwb on Dec 27, 2018 8:52 am
From my personal experience, I retired at 55, 13 years ago, my wife joined me at 53 but had to go back to work for 5 more years, calling it quits at 58. I do whatever I want to do, have no schedule and made a commitment not to make any more commitments. Recently some complications from my surgery has put limitations on my long distance travel, I had to postpone a trip to Europe but will still drive to Florida on Saturday. On the other hand my wife volunteers for everything, she teaches, is on the board at our "Y", and has recently been appointed to our town's advisory committee on services for the aged...and she has to live with me.
Having worked in HR for many years I saw many who defined themselves by their job, had to work, and needed a well defined structure. These were mostly members of a vocation (you take an oath and wear a uniform) people in law enforcement, clergy, military, etc. but there were may corporate types as well. They had no life outside of their jobs I found that there is so much going on after work that I do not have enough time to explore all my options, retirement is the best decision I made. I'm now looking forward to three months in Florida, a couple of months in Europe next year (if I can fly for extended periods), Cuba and Mexico, and the rest of my time at home on Georgian Bay.
My best advice is to stop looking in rear view and to take advantage of stuff happening around you. After leaving Toronto the hardest thing for me was to learn how to live in a small town, it took about 5 years but I now know more people and have more friends than I had in 50 years in the city. I'm finally having a lot of fun.
Best wishes for a very Happy New Year.
Posted by Cynthia Mac on Dec 28, 2018 10:23 am
One day when I was at work (and had about 8 years to go to retire) someone commented on another employee who had taken early retirement. “Why would she do that?” He asked. I looked him (probably as though he had a screw loose) and said, “Why on earth wouldn’t she? There’s so much to do out there!” Two completely different views, to be sure.
Posted by scaredysquirrel on Dec 29, 2018 2:55 am
Great advice about changing my thought process. It could sure use some help. I've been depressed for so many years, it's my normal way to think. I wish I had your positiveness Cynthia Mac. You must be a really positive person. I loved how you turned my words around in that other email. If only I had listened to you. I got myself into this mess, now I have find a way to accept it and move on. I hate retirement.
Brighty and princessmaura thanks. No the volunteer job starts in January. I suppose I will have to settle for this even though it is not what I want. Douglas College would have been the ideal answer to my dilema. Now I have no real job. How sad is that? I want my job back!
Posted by Cynthia Mac on Dec 29, 2018 9:08 am
My experiences in doing this work taught me that when we worry, we are losing out on what’s happing in the now, and that a thought is a thought, and a thought can be changed.
Here are all the negative comments you made in just this one post. If someone came here to cancer connection and posted all of this in that small a space, what would your wish be for them?
1. “unfortunately due to my husbands poor health, we are unable to take trips anywhere at the moment.”
2. “The fatigue is preventing me from doing what I want to do which is returning to work.”
3. “I should have returned to work then.”
4. “I don't know why I kept stalling it when I knew it was best for me to do so.”
5. “ No[w] I'm stuck between "rock and a hard place".
6. “I am devastated by my behavior. I feel like a failure. “
7. “Now I am lost, the volunteer spot is still a possiibility but how I will feel working there is beyond me. “
8. “I don't feel so sure about it.”
9. “I've been depressed for so many years, it's my normal way to think.”
10. ”I got myself into this mess,”
11. “I hate retirement.”
12. ”I suppose I will have to settle for this even though it is not what I want.”
13. “Now I have no real job.”
14. “How sad is that? ”
It’s very alarming to see that you were able to offer up 14 negative thoughts in the span of one post. This indicates to me that you are running this loop to yourself all. The. Time!
If it had been me writing all these negative things about myself, what would you want me to do?
Posted by scaredysquirrel on Dec 30, 2018 2:05 am
Posted by Cynthia Mac on Dec 30, 2018 7:59 am
My life? It’s interesting — my Mom used to marvel at how much I had going on, and how much I accomplished - writing, knitting, travel (every 2-3 years), and career. As a SINK (single income no kids), I used to chalk it up to having the time that others used attending to husbands and children/grandchildren. I used to downplay these things she marvelled at by saying things like “well, housework isn’t always the priority it should be” or “it’s because I’d rather be doing these things rather than other things.” Now that I look back, I had a “side gig” pretty much my whole working life. When I was younger and married, I worked part-time in a yarn shop, taught knitting classes, and kept the books for my husband’s business for a few years. Around the end of our marriage, I sat on the boards of Big Sisters and CNIB for a few years each, and I did a bit of reading for a friend of mine who is completely blind. My self-help work started after the marriage broke up and I felt myself sliding into a downward spiral. I read a book called “How to Survive the Loss of a Love,” and it taught me to be kind to myself - have a special cup and saucer for my tea, a crystal water glass, say nice things to myself even if it was just to congratulate me for doing such a nice job of dusting.
Later, when there was a re-org at work and I was practically freaking out about the very real potential of losing my job, and having my retirement income severely jeopardized, a co-worker recommended Louise Hay’s book to me, You can Heal Your LIfe. I was also working through The Artist’s Way about this point, and I was beginning to understand that our thoughts can very well manifest themselves into our future, positively or negatively.
It was work, some days, to keep those thoughts on the positive side, and, in many ways, my mother was my incentive. Mom had it in her to be quite negative, and I didn’t like the way that looked. Toward the end of her life, she was in depression, and both my sister and I tried to encourage her to get counselling. It was almost as if she wanted us to hear her negative messages and try to cajole her out of it instead of getting help - or maybe to bring us down to her level - we’ll never know.
You’ve got me fairly well pegged, too. I have a lot going on in my life, and that’s by design. The things I’ve put in my life are things that help me feel good about myself - writing, needlework, needlework design, and overall being creative. And, every response I’ve made to you these past months has been an effort to get you not to despair, to encourage you to take back your power to be positive-minded, and to get out of this negative cycle you are in.
May today be a good day for you.
Posted by scaredysquirrel on Dec 31, 2018 3:24 am
Posted by Tutti on Jan 8, 2019 1:00 pm
Posted by abell on Jan 12, 2019 11:03 pm
Posted by Cynthia Mac on Jan 13, 2019 9:41 am
I actually used your affirmations technique for a friend of mine who was (supposed to be) a recovering alcoholic and had a fall. He still has them up in his house, and I noticed the last time I was there that some of them had been moved to new locations. I got that idea from reading Louise Hay - have you read any of her books?
I, too, keep a gratitude journal beside my bed, and I say one positive thing to myself every morning while brushing my teeth. Gratitude really does change the attitude!
It’s so good that you have joined the conversation!
Posted by LPPK on Jan 13, 2019 10:48 am
Posted by scaredysquirrel on Jan 13, 2019 6:40 pm