Well after all my thinking and dreaming about retirement it turns out this is a huge mistake for me. For all the hours I sat here thinking about a gradual return to work vs retirement, I've taken the wrong path after all. It would have been okay had I grabbed a golden opportunity right of the bat, a job at Douglas College in their bookstore as an on call Auxiliary. It is right up my ally and it was the perfect fit for my circumstances and close to home. I miss my job and I even had a an opportunity to go back, again I sabotaged myself and now have to suffer the humiliation of being terminated. It's not a great feeling. I don't even want to go out and get my hair cut today. I'm hating retirement and have to say my recovery after cancer has not been an easy path nor successful. I have not plan now. I don't know what to do with my life. I have no family close by, except for my husband. My mom is deceased and my other family have moved away so I don't see them or hear from them much. I'm afraid to tell them what happened. I don't even really know myself except that I rushed into the part of my life I should have kept at bay for at least a couple of more years. I'm tired of beating myself up and there is no hope for me now. Thanks all for trying to help me and may you be blessed.