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Emotional first mammogram
Jonaleeca
34 Posts

Today I went for my first mammogram since being diagnosed and treated. I was truly surprised that as the technician was getting me set up, the tears started to stream down my face. They literally came out of nowhere. At that moment, I started to relive the memory of being called back so quickly last year after my mammogram and how quickly my life changed after that fateful day. I also believe I am scared of what the results may show. Not that I expect anything but my mind goes in bizarre directions. My cancerversary is next week…perhaps this is the start of my year of firsts.

10 Replies
Skye2
309 Posts

@Jonaleeca
Just like all the “firsts” after grieving a loved one, your mammogram brought back all those emotions, anxiety and fears, and is completely normal.

”scanxiety“ is real for us cancer survivors, as we wait for results of our follow up scans, fearful of recurrence and bad news. “Waiting” is the worst, and there are many triggers where tears may flow.

I was supposed to have the last of my breast cancer surgeries in August, and it had to be cancelled because I had an abscessed tooth. I sobbed not just from my dental pain and that I would loose my tooth, but also because I needed “closure” to my 18 months of surgery, chemo and radiation /breast cancer journey. I was devastated and my boss (OR nurse coordinator) couldn’t understand why I was so upset… WE cancer survivors “get it”.

I hope you get good news, and I’m sending BIG hugs your way!

Sue

Jonaleeca
34 Posts

@Skye2
Thank you Sue for your kind words.

I am so sorry to hear that your last surgery was cancelled. I would have been in tears too! You get to the point where you want your life back - or at least control of your life.

Hope you will get your surgery soon and put a close to that chapter.

Jackie

Skye2
309 Posts

@Jonaleeca
Thank you!As a matter of fact, my surgery is next week!!! And yes, if nothing else, mentally, I do see this as an end to this chapter of my life.

Sue

@Jonaleeca
I so understand this! My first mammogram after diagnosis and treatment was very much like you described. And I'll let you in on a little secret…it still happens most of the time 12 years out. Not as much and not for as long but it can take me back to that time so fast I sometimes don't even see it coming.

Hugs

Lianne

Jonaleeca
34 Posts

@Skye2 wishing you all the best with your surgery next week…and a very speedy recovery. Let us know how you make out.

Jonaleeca
34 Posts

@Lianne_Moderator it is funny how the mind works. When my mom died of cancer, I relived the weeks leading up to her death intensely in my mind for the first few years…it is 28 years later and I still think about it but I don't relive it any more.

I should get my results on Wednesday but i am keeping myself extra busy to keep my mind from wandering.

Thanks for letting me in on your secret. It does help.

@Jonaleeca
Just checking in to see if you got your results and how you are doing?

Lianne

Jonaleeca
34 Posts

@Lianne_Moderator Yes, I got my results last Friday but have been away for a few days of R&R and celebration as it turns out. My results were good and my oncologist is happy. If she is happy I am VERY happy! Thank you so much for checking on me.

@Jonaleeca

I am sorry I didn't see this till now, and I was thinking about you. Wonderful news! Even better that you got to get away for some R&R and a celebration.

Here's to many more

Lianne

Liz2000
25 Posts

@Skye2 I believe emotions are a part of our lives and very normal. Your second mammogram reminded you of the beginning of your last journey. I had my double mastectomy on Aug 18 and still cry at times or if I’m talking to somebody and just telling them about the mastectomy, tears come down and get a knot on my stomach…

You’re not alone, and sometimes crying is good… All those emotions need to go somewhere… We’re humans and we’re never prepared enough for the shock of dealing with cancer and parts of our bodies removed…

Big hug

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