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Missing life events
Jkraynick
13 Posts
Today I feel really shitty. My best friend is getting married and it's her bachelorette weekend, which I should be a part of. Instead I'm confined to a bed as my body gives up on me. I just hate that cancer has stolen so much from me and I knew you would all understand. I have very little mobility and I'm missing out on so much. All the summer things my family and I usually do: camping, cottage trips, family vacations, swimming.... It just sucks. That's all I wanted to say and get off my chest.
17 Replies
Mosi
214 Posts

@Jkraynick
I can totally relate. Somehow it was easier in the winter when people are holing up in their homes. Facebook has become an exercise in envy as I see their pictures of vacation posted. And then I feel bad for being envious.
I’m sorry you are missing such a monumental event. Are you able to attend the wedding or is it a wait and see situation?

Jkraynick
13 Posts

@Mosi

I unfortunately am concidered palliative so I am not undergoing any treatment. I will only decline according to my Drs. You are so right, I struggle to go on any social media at the moment because all those happy smiling families just reminds me of all the things I'm missing out on. I was a bridesmaid so I was so looking forward to traveling to BC for the wedding, but that will not be happening.

RBION
140 Posts

@Jkraynick how crummy (major understatement) for you not to get the opportunity to celebrate with your BF the way you had envisioned. Do you scream, cry or throw something in frustration and anger?! Maybe all of the above depending on who you are. Your feelings are what many others are thinking and feeling too - just the other day I caught myself saying ‘this is the summer I never had’. Some might ask why since I'm a healthy caregiver to my husband but my reality is I/we haven't been able to do any of the things he and I normally would. He's also out of treatment options and his life is now limited to days on the couch with just enough energy to make it to the bathroom. We can't go anywhere like we normally would or participate in any gatherings or events. Our friend group is currently on a camping trip to the East Coast and we definitely would've been part of that entourage if things were different. It absolutely sucks that none of us can live the life we would otherwise have chosen.

About the wedding and potential missed opportunity…although it's not the same as physically being at your friend's wedding, would you & the wedding couple consider you joining via live video on a screen during the ceremony so you could be there as close to in person as possible? Or is that too difficult given the happy nature of a wedding versus the emotions you're dealing with? If a video call were a consideration, depending on your energy levels and other possible setbacks, maybe you could say some words and still be part of the special occasion? You may not be in the right mindset to want something like that, only you know what feels okay but keep an open mind to possibilities, even if they're not what you had originally planned. I wish I had a magic wand to send you to the ball. 🧡

Mosi
214 Posts

@Jkraynick
I was going to pick something from the Like button but they had no tears. My heart breaks for you and for your BF. 😢💔

Thewasp
66 Posts


@Jkraynick

I 100% understand how you feel. This was supposed to be a summer of fun. Every time we try to plan a getaway, a new health issue pops up and I can’t go. It’s maddening and frustrating and I just want to not be dealing with cancer. It sucks.

Jkraynick
13 Posts

@RBION
I'm sorry you and your husband are going through that. It really just sucks to feel like you are stuck. My friends have been great and been including me as much as possible in all wedding activities, so maybe a video link would be great come the big day. ❤️

Jess

Jkraynick
13 Posts

@Thewasp
It really does suck! Sometimes there is just no other way to describe it. I hope all your health issues clear up and you get to enjoy the rest of the summer and all its fun activities! ❤️

Jess

Sadie12
206 Posts

@Mosi I got off Facebook when I got hacked very badly in June. I felt isolated at first, but you know that FB envy stuff with everyone posting their wonderful life and perfect family crap? So uplifting to be free of it. I will try it again, but mindful of who and what I let in.

Sadie

Sadie12
206 Posts

@Jkraynick I am so sorry that you are missing this event that you had so been looking forward to. @RBION said it best “It absolutely sucks that none of us can live the life we would otherwise have chosen”. I do like her suggestion of being part of the event in a small way via virtual…but only you would know if that would make you feel better or worse afterward.

Thinking of you and hoping that something wonderful happens unexpectedly in your life that couldn't have happened if you were out at the wedding. Sometimes the universe works that way.

Thinking of you,

Sadie

supersu
1295 Posts

(here is my fave clip from the socials this morning - hope you can enjoy it as much as I did….so amazing!!!)

@Jkraynick

good morning.
as you can see by the responses; you are not alone. thank you so SO much for your post - sharing our stories about how we are all feeling, good and bad, is so valuable to each other.

the reality for some of us is this 💩 disease really does limit our social interactions and keep us from things we enjoy. thank you for articulating that reality in your life right now. #realtalk

I am sorry you have to miss the girls bachelorette shenanigans. that sucks big time.
social media is really just a fairy tale presention of what folks want their lives to look like, but maybe you could use it for good this weekend to keep up with the girls and see what they are doing?
nothing makes me happier than seeing vid's and pic's of folks I know with smiles on their faces--even if I'm not there and should be!!

you do what is right for your mental health and happiness.
know that we are all here for you…reach out as often as you need

all my best hugs from over here friend
su

#cancer #missingout #letstalkaboutit #happilyeverafter

Whitelilies
2440 Posts

@supersu Hello….

Have to say….luv the phrase “Fairy Tale Presentation” (on FB - facebook)

I too feel that way…….SO: I shared this “feeling”, with my mental health professional at the Hospital…..and her response was simple:

“DONT LOOK”

I can do that; easy breezy !

Whitelilies

ps….please know….I too have “missed” a plethora of “events”…..BUT: personal health/mental well being trumps it all!

supersu
1295 Posts

@Jkraynick
here is another feel good vid….will keep sending them to you till you tell me to stop.
#kidding

RBION
140 Posts

You sure know how to brighten people's day @supersu I laughed at your “will keep sending them to you till you tell me to stop. #kidding”. I hope @Jkraynick and others also find themselves smiling from your lighthearted posts.
ps. the guy in the background of the last vid is something else 🤗

Whitelilies
2440 Posts

@RBION Hi…..I am TOTAL agreement……

@supersu has me in stitches, rollin' in the aisle!! Your choice of select words, creates a “picture/vision” and makes me wanna laugh…..all the way to……the Loo !!

Whitelilies

#laughteristhebestmedicine

Terry52
42 Posts

@Jkraynick
what you are going through sucks and is really shitty! I’m so sorry you aren’t able to physically be at your friends wedding. I can relate a bit.

My surgery last December has affected my mobility so much that we haven’t been able to do much. But just a few days ago several girlfriends got together for the first time in two years (Covid ) at a wonderful winery and restaurant. I wanted to go so badly.I figured I’d take a few pain pills and I’d be able to handle a few hrs. But that day my leg ( the one operated on )decided to swell up and hurt like hell, walking was out. So I got to stay home. 😞They had a wonderful time catching up, laughing,drinking/ eating and making plans to get together again. They sent their love through one of our friends.

It hurts like hell having to be left out. I know. My spring and summer has been spent listening to others adventures. l’m tired of it. Cancer has taken so much Physically and mentally. We fight back but sometimes …

@RBION had some great ideas, scream,cry, and my favourite swear! She also mentioned a video call if you were up to it. I’ve seen it done before. Works for some, but it’s not for everyone. That would depend entirely on how you were feeling. But it’s an option you might think about.

I too wish we had a magic wand that would give you this special day to be wonderful for you as well!

Hugs

Terry

Terry52
42 Posts

@supersu
This video made my day! The reactions from the guy in the back is hilarious. I played it three times, couldn’t quit laughing, I think hubby thought I was losing it. Lol

Whitelilies
2440 Posts

@supersu Hello…..I watched the video and LOVED IT…..the singer was belting out quite the tune (Keith Urban…look out !)…and….the fella…..in the back ground…..with chips in hand…..was dancin' and groovin' along……Shimmey here and there!

Thanks 4 sharing!

Whitelilies

#Singing sooths the Soul

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