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Feeling guilty about being upset
Meli34
4 Posts

Hi,

I am 34 yo and I was diagnosed with stage 1 cervical cancer - of course, 2 days before my birthday lol. I’m single, no kids, goods friends but who are far or just had babies. I have a very limited support system.

I feel guilty for being upset because I only have “stage 1 cancer”. I feel I do not have the right to be upset and scared and devastated because it’s “not that bad”. I’m angry that it’s happening to me while I have none of the risk factors and that I’m extremely conscientious of my health. so why me?? And at 34?!

I feel people around me doesn’t take my diagnosis seriously because it’s only phase 1, and I don’t feel I have the right to need support or call myself a cancer patient because it’s not as bad as other cancer patients…

i don’t know how to feel and who to turn myself to…

15 Replies
Brighty
8442 Posts

@Meli34 you have every right to feel however you feel!!! You have just been given a terrying diagnosis ! Do you have a treatment plan yet? The cancer center should have a social worker there who you will be able to talk to about your feelings and fears…as well as validate them. We also have cervical cancer discussions on tbe site under ‘forums’ ‘cancer types’ ‘cervical’. Join in any discussions there that you feel comfortable with. There is much support and understanding here. No one will judge you. You've come to the right place.

Brighty
8442 Posts

@Meli34 im just going to introduce you to a few ladies with a similar diagnosis. @SarahAvo88

@Laurie112.

@Kjl2007 and @GeorginaJennie . Thanks ladies for connecting with our new member.

Whitelilies
2272 Posts

@Meli34 Bonjour Meli…..and welcome from QC! I am glad you were introduced to other members….soon they will chime in, and share their experiences….

Please know, it is OK to have, and all feelings, that you do have. Whatever stage……it is your body, and your emotions……it is a challenge - period. At times, we all have hoped our family and friends would be super-supportive…..however; at times; they just DONT “get it”….so connecting with those that do; is invaluable.

Nous sommes ici pour vous supporter.

Let us support you Meli….

Whitelilies

Pippy123
9 Posts

Hello from NS. It is certainly ok to have all the feelings etc. Cancer in any stage is scary and we all react differently. Reach out to the cancer society for support. And this site is wonderful for information and support. Be informed. Don't Google too much (I did and it really wasn't helpful mentally) surround yourself with knowledgeable and helpful people instead. Thinking of you in your journey

ACH2015
2301 Posts

@Meli34

All cancer situations are serious. Some of us are more fortunate than others as to what stage our cancer was discovered at. All cancers involve emotions, the need for support and getting all of our feelings and fears out. Don't feel guilty because you are a Stage I cancer - you deserve support and in that we are all equal - OK?

I have copied a link for you from the CCS, below, that talks about coping when you have cancer. I hope along with posting on this site and your personal support network - this helps you. Social workers at hospitals where we get our treatment are also a good resource to share our feelings and fears with, and use as a sounding board.

Keep well

ACH2015

https://cdn.cancer.ca/-/media/files/cancer-information/resources/publications/coping-when-you-have-cancer/32127-coping-when-you-have-cancer-en.pdf?rev=2756056a0dd54661aeb52cfbc2f2ab9c&hash=81672D85283DE56E7A426C27583C6329&_ga=2.253953992.136510961.1651406542-1409163845.1651406542

Skye2
223 Posts

@Meli34

In terms of cancer, as far as I’m concerned, whether you’re stage 1 or palliative, hearing the word “cancer” elicits the same response. Obviously the considerations are vastly different, but you have a right to ALL your feelings. You will still require an intervention to deal with your cancer. Appointments, tests, follow up, possibly surgery. You still have to deal with the anxiety of it all, so don’t sell yourself short.

WE are here to support you! We understand what you are going through, so don’t hesitate to lean on us!

I like to think of it this way:

If your best friend was in your place, what would you say to her?!?!? You must treat yourself with the same kindness and love…you deserve it.❤️😢

Sue

Cynthia Mac
3876 Posts
Meli34‍ - cancer is cancer. A stage 1 cancer patient goes through almost all the same emotions as a stage 2 or a stage 3, and possibly even a stage 4 cancer patient.

I was about your age when, after about 4 years of treatments for HPV, I finally got referred for a colposcopy. That was the first time I ever heard the word “biopsy” made in reference to myself. It threw me into a tailspin.

You have the right to feel how you feel. What other people think about your diagnosis is none of your business: that’s for them to figure out. You’ve got a more important job to do!

There’s a group here that is for women only, so if you aren’t comfortable talking about things in an open forum, you can join it. There’s also a discussion specific to cervical cancer where you can meet others who have had that diagnosis.

I agree with Skye2‍ , treat yourself they way you would treat your best friend if she’d been given your diagnosis.
Ariadne
18 Posts

@Meli34

Glad you recognise the guilt, that you’ve reached out, and that you’ve gotten lots of good help here so far. Had I been honest with myself with my Stage 0 diagnosis and treatments I would have been a better advocate for myself and learned to a) recognise my needs and b) articulate them, rather than muddling along as usual and falling into mild depression two years later. And that was ”just” with Stage 0 😊

So yes - feel what you feel - listen to your body - reach out for help, and treat yourself like you’d treat your best friend. Be kind to yourself.

💚🤗💚

Meli34
4 Posts

Thank you all for your kind replies. Unfortunately, my diagnosis went from 1A1 to 1B1. I have a pet scan planned tomorrow and a MRI to come.

I am terrified that things are going to turned out worse…because although I try to hold onto the hope and the positives stats but…

At this point, my treatment plan is unclear. I need to decide whether I want to keep my uterus or not (the doc hinted he recommend that I don’t) and I may or may not need chemo and radiotherapy…

I am so afraid…

strike
11 Posts

I understand the fear and wondering at whatever stage. It is so scary to hear the words cancer and biopsy. So glad you are reaching out. There are many kind people on this site with wisdom and care to offer…we walk this road together.

Sarah

Charles
123 Posts

I think you're perfectly entitled to feel everything that cancer patients typically feel – fear, anger, uncertainty, and all sorts of other “negative emotions”.

There's no way to avoid all of that – it comes with the new stage of life, that starts when you hear the word “cancer”.

Be aware of the emotions, deal with them in ways that feel right to you. Guilt will just weigh you down, and you have plenty to deal with, without it.

. Charles

I totally understand the fear, and waiting for tests results is the worst. The PET scan will give a clear picture to your dr and I’m sure they will have a plan in place in no time.
Like you, cancer was not on my mind at all especially since I tested negative for HPV. I haven’t even asked for my stage as my ob told me it was cancer during my biopsy after being referred for an abnormal Pap test. At that time she said it appeared to be 7cm and stage 2. I don’t feel like it is my time to go, but there is that doubt in the back of my mind. No matter the stage, it is cancer and concerning.

Kuching
375 Posts
Meli34‍ When I feel overwhelmed by it all, I wear this T-shirt. It warns people not to try and tell me that everything will be OK!


Cynthia Mac
3876 Posts
Meli34‍ , There’s an author called Louise Hay who advocates that our thoughts have the power to affect our well-being. She also says, “A thought is a thought, and a thought can be changed.”

The thoughts you are having right now are, indeed scary, and damnable hard to banish.

It might help you to try her method of turning your negative thoughts around. Harder to do than to say, but she says that when you notice you are having a negative thought, change the words to make it a positive statement. Another technique I’ve heard of is to challenge every bad “what if” thought with its exact opposite, and still another one is to challenge every negative thought with the question, “Do I know this for absolute certain?” If the answer is “no”, then that thought has to go into a trash bin!

Hopefully some of these ideas will help you through the next steps.

#Positivethinking #copingstrategies
Sullie
1 Posts

Cancer is cancer. You have every right to feel upset and angry. It sucks. Chemo sucks, whatever your stage is…sucks.

Reach out for support if you need it. Mental health is just as or more important than physical treatment.

I listen to a podcast called “You, me and the big C”. It is funny, but realistic, as 3 women with cancer discuss the highs and lows of cancer and they are all at different stages and different cancers. Give it a try, you may like it.

One of the women on the podcast said “Why me?” To her mum and her mum said “Why not you, dear?” It put that in perspective for me.

Take care and reach out to your support community, you need and deserve it!

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