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Dave58
423 Posts

Hi everyone. I have a question that no one's been able to answer, my Pastor, counselors etc. It's legit at least for me and I'm honestly looking for an answer.

How can I be dying when I don't feel like I am ??

21 Replies
Brighty
8197 Posts

I honestly dont know @Dave58 . Its possible the oncologist got it wrong and you have a lot more time than they are saying????? I'm so glad you are home and feeling more like YOU!!!!

Sadie12
115 Posts

I don't know the answer…but I wanted to say ‘Hi’ and that I am glad that you don't feel like you are dying.

Keep that feeling going @Dave58

@Brighty 's reason has my vote.

Sadie12

Trillium
1763 Posts

I dont know @Dave58? Good question…

Whitelilies
1901 Posts

@Dave58 Hello Dave……this MAY be the 64 Million Dollar Question?

All that really matters, is that you feel good!! Carry On! Cherish the love of Squirrel-Butt….and remember:

We Are Family!

Whitelilies

S2020
976 Posts

That’s an interesting question, @Dave58: “How can I be dying when I don‘t feel like I am?”

I don’t know the answer. Could it be that at this moment in time you are still living more than you are dying?

Whatever the answer, I am glad you do not feel as if you are dying. If there was an upvote button, I‘d place it on @Brighty‘s response, and hope the oncologist got it wrong and you have more time than the prognosis that was given to you.

Thinking about you, @Dave58, and your Sweet Baboo/Squirrelbutt.

Cynthia Mac
3575 Posts
Dave58‍ , But, have you asked “how is dying supposed to feel?” And, won’t that be different from one person to another?

My mom was probably dying for at least months before her actual death, but all we knew is that she was constantly tired. The week before, she complained about a pain that was wrapping around her left shoulder and down her arm, and I said (as my eyes widened), “Gee mom, you really need to get that looked at! It could be your heart!” This was on a Tuesday, and her doctor was on vacation that week, and she said she’d call Monday. Instead, that Monday morning, she was transported to hospital, where she passed the same day.

My paternal grandmother died instantly in a car crash. I’m rather sure she felt nothing, with the possible exception of a second of panic, IF she saw what was coming.

I like S2020‍ ’s reply that it’s possible you are living more than you are dying - and hope you keep doing just that! (If I was your pastor, I’d adopt her response, btw)

I’m just grateful that you are still living, and joining us so robustly here on Cancer Connection. Carry on, good sir!
Oriole
18 Posts

@Dave58

Thought this article has some food for thought. I‘m thinking that living in the present keeps the focus on living not dying. All the best to you and your lovely wife.

Oriole

DSJ
47 Posts

Maybe you aren't dying? I have no idea what dying feels like. Seems that some people do know. Enjoy what it feels like to be living.

Cupcakes
107 Posts

Oh my friend @Dave58 I love your question. You and I connect so much on our faith, terminal diagnosis and outlook. I would like to answer your question the best way I know how. It’s because you are not. We don’t die we go to Heaven to Gods eternal reward. Nothing in front of us but pure bliss, joy, pain free, cancer free, worry free glory. This life here on earth is only the beginning. It’s our loved ones that hurt in our absence but we go to a better place. Your faith is deep and Jesus is holding you He is in you right now. It’s a knowing you have. And you are a shining example of His love. I love you my friend, my brother in Christ.

Dave58
423 Posts

@Cupcakes Thank you and yes it's only through God that we even receive our next breath. God has blessed me so many times in my life, and continues to do that. All that I am is by God's beautiful grace. Anyone reading this I implore you to seek out Christ through simple prayer asking Him into your heart and forgiveness of you sins. It's that easy to get the promise of everlasting life ! And it's totally free !

Luv2pot
5 Posts

@Cupcakes I understand what you are saying! I have not experienced any pain Most days I feel “normal“ and I have to remind myself that I will die from this disease. I pray that the good Lord gives me the strength and courage to carry on each day and when the time comes he will take me to his heavenly home.

Cupcakes
107 Posts

Beautiful words @Dave58 you continue to inspire and encourage my own faith. Gods love, grace and mercy is unconditional and everlasting. See you in eternity one day my friend. I’ll be the one with the big smile.

Cupcakes
107 Posts

I pray for the Lord to continue to strengthen you and give you courage for as long as he will allow it @Luv2pot He loves you so much

CentralAB
1163 Posts

Hello @Dave58 Thats a really good question, for sure. There are no easy, one liners for a reply to that. I would imagine that the answer could be different, for different people.

From the little bit that I know of you, my first inkling would simply be that yes, perhaps your body is literally dying from the cancer. But does it really have to be the same for your heart and mind?

I have some more to say about this but have to wait till later tonight to finish. I am posting this picture here for a reason. Will comment on that later in next post.

What are your thoughts on this question so far?

0fefa51cfc1b856c6506df3c917c3b36-huge-de
Charles
113 Posts

I haven't read the whole thread, but here's a question:

. . . What, exactly, did your oncologist say ?

As an example of the complexities of your question, I don't need an oncologist to tell me that I'm dying:

. . . That process started the moment I was born.

I don't feel like I'm dying, and I don't know yet what I'm likely to die from. If you ask me whether I feel like I'm getting older --

. . . Oh yes, I sure feel that.<g>

. Charles

CentralAB
1163 Posts

CentralAB:

Hello @Dave58 Thats a really good question, for sure. There are no easy, one liners for a reply to that. I would imagine that the answer could be different, for different people.

From the little bit that I know of you, my first inkling would simply be that yes, perhaps your body is literally dying from the cancer. But does it really have to be the same for your heart and mind?

I have some more to say about this but have to wait till later tonight to finish. I am posting this picture here for a reason. Will comment on that later in next post.

What are your thoughts on this question so far?

0fefa51cfc1b856c6506df3c917c3b36-huge-de

Hello again @Dave58 . Im sorry, I had to run in a hurry for something and I didnt get to finish my thought. What I was thinking is that the picture I took just the other day of this Deer symbolizes for me how I find some meaning in my days when I feel the waves of grief pouring out during holidays, birthdays, etc. When my wife was dying, this was a major way that we dealt with the issue. We looked for something beautiful. And from what I would find in the widerness, we would have great discussions about many things in nature. It was always so great to see my late wife getting happy and feeling like she was a part of something outside of the immediate situation, that would lift our spirits like this.

I think the major point is that we decided that she was not “dying” of cancer, but living with cancer. This was a major turning point for us both to just reframe what the oncologist and family doctor were saying to something we could live with. And that is the point. As long as the person is breathing, then they are living so we would live whatever ways gave us meaning and hope.

You appear to be doing something similar. You seem like you have chosen to view it as “living” with cancer. I mean, lets face it, you could get run over by a bus tomorrow. Maybe you are waking up every morning and just saying, “what can I do? How can I live today. I am sure you dont wake up and say ”how can I die today? Its almost always the other way around and this is what gives meaning to your situation, and the fact that you have cancer. My wife and I used to say that this is why she lasted so long. Because we didn't view it as “dying” for she was still living. The light you share here on the forum shows this very well. It shows us all that you are living. I dont know if I am making any sense here, but hopefully you will have a clue or two of what I am saying.

You told us that you don't feel like you are dying, and thats great. Its your opportunity to just live your best each day and there is so much on the forum, showing thats exactly what you do. Its harder to feel the impact of “dying” when one wants to live. IMO and experiences. Hope you find some answers to your question soon my friend. You don't have to feel the way the doctors tell you to.

Boby1511
786 Posts

@Dave58

I too felt this way last year.

When I was diagnosed with mets and my doc told me to plan my funeral. I too would sit and think… “how can I be dying?”.

I don't know if this goes away. I felt a sad realization when I accepted what my docs were saying. Took some time to come to acceptance. But then the part of me scared and not ready to go, kept thinking.. “how can I be dying”.

Now that I've been stable for the year, it's a weird feeling.. “how can I not be dying”?

I don't know, docs still tell me to expect the worst. But I do feel fine for the most part.

You have my prayers Dave, I pray you find some comfort and good food and great hugs.

Dave58
423 Posts

@Boby1511 Hey ya, I know how you feel. Like in Shawshank Redemtion : Get busy living or get busy dying. I choose the first. I'm still trying to process what the Doc said. Not the days / weeks but the fact I have 50 tumors in my right lung and now I have one in my mouth. Seriously in my mouth…I need a break !

Dave58
423 Posts

@CentralAB Everything you said in your post makes perfect sense. And I'm grateful to you for taking the time to help me. I like the line from them Shawshank movie : Better get busy living or get busy dying. I'll choose the first .

Everything you said in your post fell right into place for me . I still get weepy but it's about what I'm losing to this little monster in the closet. My voice especially. Had a guy over yesterday from home health care and just hearing his strong voice and thinking about when I had that, I almost lost it.

Boby1511
786 Posts

@Dave58

50 is a large number. And the mouth, that one really sucks!

my mouth hasn’t recovered from chemo and it drives me bonkers.

Im praying for you Dave.

Charles
113 Posts

Dave58:

Everything you said in your post fell right into place for me . I still get weepy but it's about what I'm losing to this little monster in the closet. My voice especially. Had a guy over yesterday from home health care and just hearing his strong voice and thinking about when I had that, I almost lost it.

I sing in a choir, it's been important to me for many years. I think that I understand better, now, how you feel. So I'll shut up. Some questions don't have answers.

. Charles

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