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supporting my partner

Hello. My partner's mom has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. His parents live about an hour away. He is avoiding going to visit them and this concerns me. He dislikes being there due to the sad nature of the situation which is quite understandable, however, I feel his family needs and wants to see him. Any advice on what I can say to get him to go?

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588 Posts

@jlwaisglass, your partner is fortunate to have your support, and it is very kind and understanding of you to consider this from his perspective and his family‘s perspective.

Many people stay away because they don’t know what to say, but many times it’s the showing up that says a lot.

I repeatedly hear patients say they wish xxxx had just visited. They don’t have to fix the situation or know what to say. Sit and have tea, watch a movie together, play cards or a game, offer to take them for a ride, bring a home-cooked meal or the ingredients to make a meal together, listen to music, offer to rake the leaves or clean the house, or any of a number of activities that say, “I’m here for you. I’m here with you.”

Often, in these circumstances, showing up and being present is very helpful, reassuring and a significant gift.

Thank you for these suggestions I can bring them up and see if that helps him to make the decision to visit. I appreciate the time you took to write back to me
172 Posts

@jlwaisglass @S2020 I agree hole heartedly with S2020. This is no time for regrets. Regrets of this nature can literally eat a person up from the inside. Just go. Yep, no getting around the sad nature of events. As to talking, just converse as usual. Don't be surprised if they want to talk about their cancer. If so then by all means talk about it with them. Don't try to with hold your emotions. That's just a part of it. A good friend or loved one can be together and speak volumes without saying a word.

Take a breath. You're here with family now. We'll do everything we can to support you in any manner we can.

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