I’m heading for my follow up CT scan this morning. I know it shouldn’t be so unnerving, but this is the first time that my wife isn’t here to encourage me. I was diagnosed with colon cancer last July and my profile tells my story. Successful surgery. Disastrous attempt at chemo that almost killed me in October. The struggle to regain my strength and get my life back that coincided with my wife suddenly falling ill after Christmas only to be diagnosed with a rare, aggressive form of ovarian cancer. Suddenly, I became her caregiver as well as my own. Three weeks after getting her diagnosis she died suddenly at home after waking me in the wee hours of February 11. Holding her in my arms on our bed as she took her last breath as the EMTS arrived, has been devastating. January 28 I’d gotten a good report from my oncologist..No Evidence of Disease…NED. My wife was in hospital that day and I got the news alone in a phone conference. I really didn’t feel the joy I should have. Now today I start things again and I’m terrified that the cancer will be back or will have spread. I have several nodules on my lungs that are being monitored. I have 3 blood clots from the failed chemo. I’m alone in Ontario with my family all in the States. I’m scared. I know I’ve been lucky, even with the chemo crash, but it’s so strange to face these routine tests alone this time. I have blood work and my CEA marker test later in the month before I meet in person with my oncologist. I guess I just need a few prayers and positive thoughts to get me through this month and I know many of you understand better than my friends and neighbors ever will.
Good luck with your scan today. I'm sure your wife will be with you.
I wanted to share this post with you, the video explains Scanxiety that we all feel as testing dates approach.
When I go for my follow up scans, etc. I take along my keepsakes from my Mom, Granny and Sister who are all deceased. I have their rings on a chain and keep it in my pocket as I cannot wear the chain during the mammogram/ultrasound. This way I know for certain they are there with me.
@Runner Girl. I love this post. I was told last week that they have bumped up my Scans earlier than expected. I immediately get this anxiety and rush of fear. I didn't know it had a name "Scanxiety". I've been thinking of ways to get through it.
We all get scanxiety before our tests/scans. It's that “what if” factor. My own will kick in later this month when I go for my next ultrasound on the 2 lesions they are “watching” in my left breast, cancer was on my right.
I find the best way to deal with is to keep my mind busy with other things so the “dark” thoughts cannot run amok.
What keeps you busy?
@Gymrat I am so sorry you have gone through so much, you deserve some good news on your scans. I have spent way too much time worrying about mine every 6 months, but that is all part of being human. wishing you nothing but the very best and sending positive thoughts your way. Cheers.
thank you for sharing.
every cancer patient know exactly of what you speak. waiting and worrying about scan/test results are somehow now a new part of our DNA.
your story has so many ups & downs, twists and turns, happiness and heartache.
sorry that your love cannot be with you for these next chapters of yours…… @Runner Girl suggestion of bringing a small memento along with is an excellent idea!!! so smart.
good luck with it all. we are here to support you.
#scanxiety #cancerstory #NED