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Torn
MsH
13 Posts
So here's what's going on with me. I am currently I guess you could say a cancer patient in remission. Reason I'm not sure how to word it is because the type of cancer I.have and was told is a treated cancer and my outlook is definitely positive right now and for most part I am doing well. The tumor has responded extremely well to the treatment (thank god). However, my journey is not over yet. With that being said my mother in law was just diagnosed 2 days ago with bile duct cancer. I know there's a more technical term for it but I can't remember what it is and it's a long complicated one. Anyway, she was told that right now she has between 6 months and 5 years. Reason it's such a broad time frame is because they have yet to determine whether or not the tumor is operable or not and if it has spread. By the sounds of it the liver looks as though it would he the most likely of places for it to spread. BUT she has no symptoms of spreading so right now so it looks ok for her I guess. Further tests and what not need to be done and everything still. Sorry for the long winded write up just wanted to share as much detail as possible. I'll get to the question now. I need some advice for how to cope with my own cancer plus cope with hers and be there for my fiance. I'm so torn (hence the subject). Thanks in advance for those who wish to provide feedback!
6 Replies
Brighty
6765 Posts
@Ms-H sorry I couldn't tag your name properly but I hope you see this. You have so much going on..so much to deal with. I'm so sorry. I'm glad you are doing well with your cancer. This is a lot for one person to take on. You can just be there for your fiance and mother in law by listening, supporing treatment decisions, ask for help whenever you need. Enlist the help of family members or friends for things like meal prep, grocery delivery etc. Stay connected to them. Do normal things with them too that don't include cancer...cook meals to, go for walks, play card games,watch movies....basically just being there is enough. You and your fiance might find it beneficial to talk to someone ....oncology has a social worker. They can help you deal with all this stuff so it's not overwhelming. They can also refer you to resources you may need in terms of health care for your mother in law. You don't have to do this alone. Sometimes when you look at the big picture it becomes so overwhelming. Try and take things one day at a time and step by step. There are also some wonderful people at the cancer info line who may have suggestions for you. 1 888 939 3333. So glad you reached out. I'm sure others will log on and come up with other suggestions for you. Hope you don't feel alone or overwhelmed now that you posted here.
Whitelilies
1073 Posts
Ms_H
Hello, I too, hope you can see this response.....Welcome......and I am sorry to hear of your mother in law's new diagnosis.....while you are holding tight to your own remission......a gentle collision.....
You can be supportive.....wonderful suggestions already....drive/arrange a ride for her appointments....join in on a call to a dr, if permitted.......call her daily......drop off groceries....drop off books etc.....please keep strength for YOU.....do small gestures of support....but you too...need to look after yourself....a lot has occurred...and inner strength is needed and to be saved......her treatment plan is not yet ready.....and it could be more than 5 years given!! you dont know yet.....stay positive.....keep in contact with her.....reach out when needed.....
We are here for you.
Regards
Whitelilies
Trillium
1228 Posts
Hello Ms_H. I just realized you have been here for your own support in the past after I left the message on your profile about changing your user name. Brighty‍ has already given you the supports that have helped us as caregivers. I can imagine how difficult it would be to take care of your own cancer concerns as well as others.

I’m just going to tag @Kuching‍ who may have some tips for you. Hopefully others will also give you tips.

This is a link from cancer.ca on Taking care of you: the caregiver for you to read through and choose what fits for you.
MsH
13 Posts

Thank you for your kind words, it's very appreciated. I am definitely as selfish as this may come off looking after me first cause I need to survive just as much as anyone else. I am very good with checking and chatting to make sure everything is OK

Brighty
6765 Posts
@MsH there is nothing selfish about looking after yourself! !!!!!!! It's necessary and you can't help anyone else if you don't look after yourself. Sorry I'm still having trouble tagging your user name.
@MsH
Trillium
1228 Posts
MsH‍ - not selfish at all but rather, good insight into how you can help versus taking it all on and becoming resentful and burnt out. More importantly risking your own health.

Thats why this guide is so helpful. That way people can make decisions that work for them versus what others may expect of us out of there own lack of understanding.

Thanks for being here with us.

Hugs
Trillium
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