Hi Cynthia, I love the quote at the end of your post. How beautifully comforting.
From what you wrote, I sense you have been very solitary, even in caring for your dad. That would have been so stressful. My mom is 86, with several health issues, and so often needs to be checked on and sometimes cared for. Luckily, my whole family is in one big house, so we all have each other for support. During my cancer treatment my daughter and mom were my main caregivers. My brother drove me to most of my appointments because his schedule is flexible, and my husband took care of everything else. I have been incredibly fortunate, but all of this taught me, with profound insight, that we are not meant to soldier through alone. So I hope you have a support system to guide you through your grief. Just someone to talk to - it need not even be about your struggles. Sometimes just laughing at something together is enough to get you through a dark day.
I'm glad you're here. There are many people on this site caring for loved ones, many in a palliative situation. Maybe you can connect with a few.
Good luck with your fresh start. I hope you have wonderful neighbours and make some great friends.
I agree friends, family and support is important. It is surprising how many people genuinely want to help. We need to let them. I find I tend to shut down when I’m in pain either physical or mentally. I haven’t told anyone other than my partner. Feeling fraudulent at best. I just want to have more answers. Sorry I veered off 2021topic.
CatherineS - ah, it appears that I excluded a couple of positives from my post. Yes, I’ve always been quite a solitary person, but I am blessed to have had the support of a very kind man and several very good friends through all of this. I’ve said quite often that if not for them, 2020 could have been a very, very dark place.
Thank you for providing the opportunity for me to add that!
“When the root is deep, there is no reason to fear the wind.” - Japanese saying
I will start with 2020 which was not the greatest year for me but not all bad either! Last January I lost a brother in law and in October a brother, both died of lung cancer and in July I received a lung cancer diagnosis! My cancer was removed in September and no treatments needed, so super good news. Got a second surgery 2 weeks later to fix a lung hernia, that one was a tough one but it is behind me now. In November I was told that my low immune white cells problem was after all not caused by my cancer but by lupus. December 30 went for a mammogram for a lump in left breast, still waiting for results and I figure no news is good news! In the end 2020 has taught me how to have more patience and self control because having cancer meant I had to play the waiting game...I don’t think I have to explain the meaning of that statement because I am pretty sure everybody with cancer or caring for someone with cancer knows that game and Covid well all I’ll say is.......can’t wait to put an epitaph on that one!!
I never make New Years resolutions because most people who make them usually do not keep them. I am optimistic and looking forward to 2021 even if last year was closed on a sour note because I got the results of my December scan a few days ago and I am still NED so fantastic way to start a new year. Got an appointment February 16 to find out which form of the 4 different kind of lupus I have and I will deal with that one when I get there. I am blessed with having a fantastic partner and 2 wonderful kids + 2 grandkids. I always have a new projet in my head as soon has I finish one I start another one that’s my way of dealing with confinement and since March I only go out for medical appointments. I exercise a lot I take a break every 2 to 3 hours and go for a walk and also do some standing exercises inside the house. This year I am hoping I will be able to start seeing family and friends again. I am still doing that take it one day at a time thing because I figure that is all any of us have....this day since tomorrow is not here yet or next week...etc so why should I worry about it I would rather enjoy this moment... this day and think about tomorrow when I get there!! When I think back to a year ago I find myself very lucky because during my whole life I can honestly say that.....that one year is the year where I will have learned the most about myself and what I want everyday for the rest of my life....however long that life will be!! What some people say is true...if you take the time to stop and look there is always a little light shining somewhere in your life!!
Resilience...today is a brand new day and I will make the most of it!!
I am hopeful for the year ahead. I saw my Chemo Oncologist today and had my Zoledronic Acid Infusion. I felt weirdly strange, but yet familiar getting my Zoledronic drip, I only go every six months so I consider myself lucky for getting the worst of the treatments (chemo/radiation) behind me. I have about 2 years to go and then I am done my hormone therapy - Letrozole/Zoldronic Acid Infusion. I'm glad COVID wasn't around during my major treatments. I also learned today that my Chemo Onc is leaving RCH and has a new job with the BC Cancer Society in Vancouver. I will be seeing a new Doctor in July. I might have to either go to Surrey Memorial or Burnaby General. Neither hospital is as close to my home as RCH. I'm going to miss my Dr. and her great staff. I'm also hoping my husband and I can get the COVID vaccine soon. I am optimistic going forward and glad that my health has greatly improved.