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checking in

checking in

Posted by Vox on Oct 13, 2020 4:41 pm

Hi,  its been a while. I have missed you.
You know being by myself – especially with covid happening is a lot harder then I imagined.  I thought I was prepared, I did all my homework, talked everything out with Michael, there was nothing I don’t think that was left unsaid.
Today I looked at a picture of him that I have on a table, and just burst out into tears. I know this will happen for who knows how long.
I did do the trip via car up to Fort McMurry to see my brother and his family, then he and I did the tour of Drumheller (loved it) then to Banff, did a few days in Vancouver as I had friends that I wanted to see then of to the island to spend time with some cousins.  We left the island and did our way up the coast and finally back to Fort McMurry.  I was gone for 6 weeks.  I had hoped that this trip would have given me some focus, so idea on what to do with the rest of my life.  But it didn’t.
When I came back to Toronto I got all my doctors appointments sorted out and Im good for a year… yeah.
I also found myself a grief counsellor. I have spoken with her twice so far.  I have to say that although there is some talk about Michael, its mostly on family dynamics – the good, bad and ugly. – I know covid had a part to play in this, however my feeling was and still is, my husband was dying.
Im still not focused and find myself sitting starring into space or painting.  I don’t go out, and as I said to the therapist my bubble consists of 1 – me…….. it proves to me just how much of the last 12 years were spent on looking after Michael – I would not have had it any other way.
Anyway, there is a catch up, I do hope you are all doing well, keeping the faith, and finding daily smiles.

Here is my updated website with new paintings

Re: checking in

Posted by Wendy Tea on Oct 13, 2020 5:29 pm

Vox‍  Pamela, it is great to hear from you. I know grieving seems to take forever but the time frame is different for everyone.  It can't be rushed. Take your time. No one understands how you feel except you. Sometimes I create art to show how I feel or write poetry. Do whatever you need to do.  We will be here to support you. I found walking helps. Please stay in touch. 
Healing takes time and opportunity. Wendy Tea

Re: checking in

Posted by Lacey_Moderator on Oct 13, 2020 6:15 pm


Nice to hear from you. We have missed your posts. 

Sounds like a wonderful and busy trip!

Home is surrounded my memories which is wonderful and sometimes challenging. Sometimes the tears are close to the surface. Glad you got them out.

I wish you all the best with the grief counselling. 


Re: checking in

Posted by MCoaster on Oct 13, 2020 8:31 pm

Vox‍    So glad that you posted.   I wondered how you were.  Two days ago I saw a photo of the sea off the coast of Scotland, all mists and blue water and it reminded me so much of one of your paintings that it is interesting that you posted today.

Your last months with Michael were so emotionally and physically draining and you must miss him dreadfully.  Grief takes many forms and bubbles to the surface sometimes when it is least expected.  I have only once spoken with a counsellor and I did not feel that the fit was right for me.   Counselling is such a personal interaction and I hope that you find it helpful.

Take care and be gentle with yourself.

We are still here.


MCoaster / Margaret


Re: checking in

Posted by Lianne_Moderator on Oct 15, 2020 7:49 pm


So wonderful to hear from you. It sounds like a great trip out west. 
It is interesting that you say your grief counselling doesn't focus so much on Michael and more on other aspects and family. I found this too when I went to counselling when I finished treatment and the talk was mostly about elationships with the people in my life.

I know I have mentioned this before but your paintings are really beautiful. I am particularly fond of #20 and Under the Sea ; )

Take care