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Human Resilience

Re: Human Resilience

Posted by Brighty on Jul 18, 2020 2:22 pm

Welcome Missytigger‍ .  Im so sorry you find yourself  going through  this.     You've come to a very supportive  place.    There are may people her who can relate to what you are going  through.      Do you  have anyone  helping you care for you husband?    Someone who might be able to help with dropping  off meals or groceries?    Do you have any other family members or close friends  you can confide  your feelings  to?    I'd like to draw your attention to some discussion groups on the forum.     Under 'forums' and 'cancer types' there are lung cancer  discussions.     There is also a caregivers discussion under 'forums'  where caregivers share their tips on coping. .... some common themes on caregiving. ...self care.... ask for help...support  system. ...take breaks... distractions when you are able.    I'd also like to introduce  you to a few people  who have first hand experience  with lung cancer WestCoastSailor‍ 
Faye‍ 
Kuching‍ 
as well as Cynthia Mac‍ 
who was a caregiver to her dad with lung cancer.     They will share with you their tips, how they coped and answer any questions.     If you need anything  else,  we do have an information line .  1888 939 3333.    Very friendly  individuals will answer and talk to you for as long as you  need.   Thank you for reaching  out and welcome.   
    
Help is out there. All you have to do is reach out.

Re: Human Resilience

Posted by WestCoastSailor on Jul 18, 2020 4:06 pm


 Missytigger

Old Saskatchewan boy here despite the move to the West Coast twenty years ago.

The docs couldn't do surgery so I have had chemo/radiation and immunotherapy.

I'm currently on a targeted therapy drug taken orally called Afatinib. There is a whole thread over here.https://cancerconnection.ca/discussions/viewtopic/68/60213?post_id=285666#p285666 There are several others. Feel free to post in the thread with your  questions. Is your husband experiencing any side effects?

The Canadian Cancer Society had a Peer Match program that allowed people to talk directly to another trained patient to receive support. Unfortunately I believe have had to suspend the program.  Here is a link to the support services https://www.cancer.ca/en/support-and-services/support-services/how-we-can-help/?region=on

Another option is to call the Canadian Cancer Society hotline directly.  1-888-939-3333 or email even, since the phone lines are likely crazy busy, That is info@cis.cancer.ca

A final option is to use online chat textbased chat accessible on the any page on the cancer.ca website by clicking the "Need more information" in the bottom right hand corner.

Hope this helps. Let us know how you make out.

Angus
My story: http://journey.anguspratt.ca

Re: Human Resilience

Posted by Faye on Jul 18, 2020 9:49 pm

Missytigger‍ 

Im sorry your husband is facing another recurrence of lung cancer. 
Although I am a recovering lung cancer patient, very different as I was in operable
Can you tell us what chemo drug he is on.
Sounds like you are having trouble negotiating this site so I will tag our admin people who may be able to help you with that
Lacey_adminCCS‍ . Lianne_adminCCS‍ ..can you help

We are here to support you so hopefully you can figure how to respond. 

Re: Human Resilience

Posted by Missytigger on Jul 19, 2020 12:04 am

Hello, thanks for your offer of help. My husband is on Afatinib an oral chemo. Some side effects such as diarhea, rash on his body, feet and hands. He us now on a break for a week after which blood work and a phone apt with oncologist. He is in good mood but tired. I’m his care taker when he lets me! He’s independent and tries to do too much. Our kids are in their 40-60’age range and don’t live close by. Closest is 90 minutes others are days away. We are in touch almost daily for support. 
i, too,  am a recovered lung cancer person. Mine was operable and so far I'm cancer free 6 years. 
 

Re: Human Resilience

Posted by Cynthia Mac on Jul 19, 2020 10:32 am

Missytigger‍ , I’m so glad you reached out here! As Brighty‍ Said, I was caregiver for my 80 year old father. Dad had cancer in his right lung, too, and, like your husband, his came back. Surgery was done in late 2017, and his metastasis was found a year ago. Dad went back into treatment, but we all knew that this treatment was palliative, that he might go into remission, but he would never be “cured.”

I’m pretty sure WestCoastSailor‍ has some experience with Afatinib, so I’ve “paged” him back into the conversation. My Dad was on a different immunotherapy drug.

I can also empathize with you about him wanting to be independent. I have an uncle who is also 80, and he still wants to pretend he can do more than his capabilities will allow, and my Dad was a titch on the stubborn side, too. Be grateful for the good days, and  enjoy those to the fullest.

If you want to tag someone, as I did you and others, type the @symbol right before the name (as I just did, with no space). After a few characters, a list of names should drop down, and you should be able to pick the person’s name from the list. When the name turns blue (and you can’t see the “@“ symbol in front of it), you’ll know they’ll get an e-mail to come back and chat.
 
“When the root is deep, there is no reason to fear the wind.” - Japanese saying

Re: Human Resilience

Posted by WestCoastSailor on Jul 19, 2020 11:05 am

Thanks Cynthia Mac‍  Engaged and talking over in the Afatinb thread. Thanks.

Angus
My story: http://journey.anguspratt.ca

Re: Human Resilience

Posted by WestCoastSailor on Jul 19, 2020 2:01 pm

I came across this poem this morning. Written in the 1920s I think it illuminates on of the key features of resilience -- Hope.


Hope.

Alice Dunbar-Nelson

Wild seas of tossing, writhing waves,
A wreck half-sinking in the tortuous gloom;
One man clings desperately, while Boreas raves,
     And helps to blot the rays of moon and star,
     Then comes a sudden flash of light, which gleams on shores afar.

Angus
My story: http://journey.anguspratt.ca

Re: Human Resilience

Posted by Lianne_Moderator on Jul 20, 2020 11:52 am

Thank you for the tag Faye‍ 

Missytigger‍ 

I see you have met some of our wonderful members here. I hope you feel their support.
I will send you a private message to see if we can help you access the site and navigate a little easier.

Lianne

Re: Human Resilience

Posted by CentralAB on Jul 23, 2020 10:03 pm

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Practicing kindness also has a profound effect our own mental & physiological health, helping us to become happier and compassionate towards others. Being kind to others has been known to help boost our own immune system, slow down aging, elevate our self esteem and improve blood pressure. The epitome of resilience is sometimes as simple as random acts of kindness.
________________ "there is always a little Light"

Re: Human Resilience

Posted by CentralAB on Jul 25, 2020 12:09 am

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If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.
- Lao Tzu

Resilience is not being scared of moving in a totally new direction. Taking stock of what you see and hear and feel, and making your own decision on what to do about it.
________________ "there is always a little Light"

Re: Human Resilience

Posted by CentralAB on Jul 25, 2020 2:59 pm

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A really good picture of resilience can be seen in Alpine Meadows and the many beautiful flowers that bloom therein. They have an extremely small window of time to flourish in due to harsh weather conditions almost year round, yet every year, they seem to "know" just when the best time to bloom is. Quite literally survival of the fittest. I am amazed each year to see how quickly they pop up to make such beautiful carpets in the mountain meadows. There was something attractive in them, to me, as these daisies waved back and forth in the winds. I think this is something like caregivers or cancer patients when they are in the midst of the worst, their best can come out. And that is a beautiful thing. That is resilience.
________________ "there is always a little Light"

Re: Human Resilience

Posted by CentralAB on Jul 27, 2020 1:56 pm

When I think of resilience, one of the things that sometimes comes to mind is a playful dog! Dogs love to play. Ever wonder why they are so happy no matter whats going on? I think we people need to take lessons from the lowly dog, to imagine how we can rise up in the face of our grief or adversity:

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Some dogs have all the fun!
________________ "there is always a little Light"

Re: Human Resilience

Posted by Missytigger on Jul 30, 2020 1:30 pm

Still finding it difficult to manage this site but will keep trying.. I would like to chat with someone but the directions are difficult too! Thanks for those of you who responded to my first post. It helps to know we are not alone. I sometimes find myself just wanting to run away from the fear of covid and the cancer. I don't want our little home on the farm to become a 'home of death' but a home of hope. My husband joins me on my daily walk as long as he can handle but I walk alone in the countryside and enjoy it anyway. He is doing well, eating and doing chores in the garden and yard. Im not sure this post will go through. Take care everyone
Audrey

Re: Human Resilience

Posted by MCoaster on Jul 30, 2020 2:41 pm

Missytigger‍   Hello Audrey.   I certainly relate to the feeling of wanting to run away from what is happening in the world today and I just wanted you to know that we are still here for you and your husband.   I too find being out in nature very comforting because it makes me feel as if I am part of everything whereas on my rare visits to the city I feel like a stranger.   This weekend my son, my daughter-in-law and our 2 grandchildren are coming to visit and I love seeing the grandchildren finding interesting nature things.  I see a snail as something which destroys my plants while they find snails fascinating!

Your husband sounds like someone who enjoys his gardening and my guess is that he grows good vegetables.  I always see a garden as a place of hope and he sounds to be doing well.  Do you have a dog to take on your walks?

I sometimes too find navigating the site a bit of a challenge but I know there some amazing people here and I would like to tag our two administrators to see if they have any suggestions.  Lacey_adminCCS‍  and. Lianne_adminCCS‍  have helped me to navigate and I am sure will have suggestions to make.


Please keep posting.  This post certainly landed in the right place.

Hugs.

MCoaster



 

Re: Human Resilience

Posted by Lacey_Moderator on Jul 30, 2020 3:23 pm

Missytigger‍ 

I'd be happy to help with any questions you have just let me know what would be most helpful for you. New platforms take some time to get use to 😊

Have you read our FAQ's

One tip to get you started is you can manage everything from Dashboard- My home. You can see the most recent activity, have access to your messages, groups, blogs, and subscriptions. 

Reach out anytime,
Lacey

 

Re: Human Resilience

Posted by SpeedyStill on Jul 30, 2020 8:07 pm

Missytigger‍ 
I am  72 years old and have had lots of experience with life and Cancer. My Cancer was Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma however we could still communicate.
Cancer and now Covid has changed a lot however we can still find joy in our days.
Take Care
Speedystill 

Re: Human Resilience

Posted by Missytigger on Jul 30, 2020 10:51 pm

Thanks to all who responded to my post. It’s a long road ahead but easier when there are those who understand. Husband Mike is doing well today, he has cut the grass on most of our huge yard and is ready for a shower and bed. Tomorrow he has lab work to be done for a virtual appointment with oncologist on Monday. We’re praying the chemo is doing what it’s meant to do. God bless all 

Re: Human Resilience

Posted by Cynthia Mac on Jul 31, 2020 1:33 pm

Missytigger‍ , chiming in with some more “techie site advice.” 

I operate the site mostly on an iPad/ tablet, but I go on my laptop, too. Occasionally I use my phone, but I like at least a near-to-full-size QWERTY keyboard! In view of that, here are my tips:

- try to stick to one device - it will make it easier to get accustomed to the features you use often.

Once you’ve done that, and if you’re working from a laptop or tablet, you can contact people privately by doing the following:
1. Find the member by doing a search (look for the magnifying glass icon on almost any page of the site)
2. If you’re already in a discussion thread and you want to reach out to that person privately, click on their user name or avatar (the picture above their user name). Either 1 or 2 will bring up the user’s profile.
3. Once you are in the user’s profile, look down the left side of that page (scroll down if you need to) and you should see an option for “send message”
4. Click on that link, and it should bring you up a private message directly to that person.

Lacey_adminCCS‍ , feel free to copy this info over to your tech tips thread if you think it would also be helpful there!
“When the root is deep, there is no reason to fear the wind.” - Japanese saying

Re: Human Resilience

Posted by Missytigger on Aug 9, 2020 4:41 pm

Things a going quite well here. Husbands chemo pills were reduced for now due to side effects, but is doing better on the reduction. Our daughter came for a visit and helped me navigate this site, so am hoping to use it more now. Our mental health is my greatest concern! Lots of outbursts when frustrated and feeling hopeless! COVID and cancer do NOT mix well! I have some people to talk to but they are not where we are so, its difficult to get feedback that’s helpful.
in the meantime, we cope one day at a time. Hope everyone else is finding comfort.  

Re: Human Resilience

Posted by CentralAB on Aug 26, 2020 3:34 pm

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You change the world by being yourself.
- Yoko Ono


Resilience IS all about YOU.
________________ "there is always a little Light"

Re: Human Resilience

Posted by CentralAB on Sep 5, 2020 4:33 pm

Well, in this case, the picture speaks for itself:

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________________ "there is always a little Light"

Re: Human Resilience

Posted by CentralAB on Sep 15, 2020 2:21 am

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I am constantly amazed at the resilient people on this site who climb mountains of difficulty and trials to become stronger people.
________________ "there is always a little Light"

Re: Human Resilience

Posted by CentralAB on Sep 23, 2020 12:47 pm

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________________ "there is always a little Light"

Re: Human Resilience

Posted by CentralAB on Sep 25, 2020 3:44 am

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However bitter may be the cause of my grief, I want to cultivate a spirit of rest and quietude.

However dark my prospects, Lord, let me cherish a spirit to hope for good.


When my wife got too sick to hope, and to hope for good, I told her that I would do it for her whenever she needed. Those last hours were painful, yet so loving, and when she died in my arms, I knew that WE did something right. Because we did something right, because we were so close, and so connected in every way; I said to myself after she died, "why does that have to stop? Why cant I continue cultivating that Hope with other people. Thats not really "moving on" or "starting over." Its "continuing." Cynthia Mac‍   IMHO, when I do something so right, when it was so tender and loving, HOW does one start that over? How can I just throw that out and "start over?" It must be continued with other people. Instead of me running around thinking I lost something, (which, of course I did; I can turn it around and believe that I also gained something very special that I can help impart to others.

Resilience is an individual's ability to adaptively respond to hardship, stress, and adversity and has been defined as the ability to “bounce back” from negative events without succumbing to despair  Individuals who report high levels of resilience typically portray an optimistic outlook, positive emotionality, curiosity, and openness to new experiences. These positive emotions, in turn, typically lead to constructive attitudes and behaviours High resilience helps individuals positively cope with uncertainty, conflict, and failure. The ability to positively cope with adverse events allows resilient individuals to adapt to significant life changes and, consequently, function better as they are able to emerge from a challenge stronger, wiser, and more powerful.


Researchers have found that resilience correlates strongly with health and longevity, success, interpersonal satisfaction, and happiness. Hope and resilience are closely aligned constructs, as they both include a tendency towards maintaining an optimistic outlook in the face of adversity. SOURCE
 

When my belated wife got too sick to hope, and to hope for good, I told her that I would just love her more, thus I would do it for her, whenever she needed. Those last hours were painful, yet so loving, and when she died in my arms, I knew that WE did something right.

To continue the kind of love and respect we had with other people in my life after she is gone is the highest honour I can think of for her legacy...a calm, subdued dignity, in all my efforts to relieve suffering, and impart hope, and to love again. Continue the good things we started.

“Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it's less good than the one you had before. You can fight it, you can do nothing but scream about what you've lost, or you can accept that; be thankful that you had what time you did with your lost loved one, and try to put together something new in your life that's good.” ― Elizabeth Edwards

YES, it can be very scary to "move on" as many like to coin it; yet in my experience, it does not have to mean "starting over." It can and should mean continuing...Something new. Something good.
________________ "there is always a little Light"