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Surgery in 7 days, why am I not nervous???

Surgery in 7 days, why am I not nervous???

Posted by Samiam on May 25, 2020 11:12 pm

When I last posted 15 days ago, I was set to hunker down and wait for the call, fully expecting  a fairly long wait before my surgery would be booked. 

Later that day and into the next day, the pressure in my ear was building up- it does this now and then but normally is not painful, now is was aching, just enough to be uncomfortable. On Tuesday(12th)  the surgeons office called to advise that I needed to fill out surgery paperwork. I mentioned the pressure/ache to the receptionist and she booked me in for that afternoon. Both my surgeon and the Oncologist were there, they decided that due to an infection and the pressure, I was to be moved to the urgent surgical list. They advised that my primary job was to stay safe and self isolate as if I was found to have covid, there is a 30+% higher fatality and they would not operate.
So as I am leaving the appt, I get a message from my husband(essential worker) that there has been a positive case at his work. I pull over into a parking lot and start to get a plan in place, have my daughter pack a bag, book a hotel room.... my daughter calls, she has moved my office set up etc into her room and isolated my husband in our room(how did I get to be mom to such an amazing young woman??). Ok, so I am hunkering down and not leaving the room unless it is absolutely necessary and if I leave the room, I am wearing a mask, washing hands, carrying sanitizer... ... Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since that day. He is now off work in an effort to keep me safe (awww- I feel the love) and I have not left the house since that last appt. So far so good, heard Doug Ford say on Sunday that anyone who wants a test can get a test... send Mr a message, maybe he should go get one. I will have to have my own test 48 hours prior to surgery and hope and pray that  all of these precautions did the trick.
anyhow, back to the story.....
Rec'd a call on the 14th to book a pre surgical appointment, and the following Monday(18th) rec'd a tentative surgery date for June 1.  
The surgeries sound scary, Temporal bone resection, limited neck dissection and parotidectomy, oh and possible forearm free flap and skin graft. My body is about to be drilled, sliced and diced and I will loose hearing in one ear, I keep thinking that I should be scared, I should be having anxiety or something. All I have is a problem sleeping- but again, that is nothing new for me.

I am not nervous or scared, is this normal, is it shock maybe? I keep thinking back to the early days when they were pretty sure they got it, to now, in this covid world, to be pushed along so quickly,it's obvious they did not. I am concerned about the recovery and possible radiation being needed and maybe a bit concerned about the scars... it won't be pretty :(
I wonder if anyone else has had this lack of panic? Anyone have any of these surgeries(or all?) and if so, any tips or thoughts?
Aside from that, I could use a hefty dose of prayers and good vibes going into this last week.
Thanks for listening and stay safe everyone.

P.S. I read almost every post on here, but am always afraid of saying the wrong thing, so I don't often post. I will work on that, because in posting this, I realize that I am really hoping to hear back from someone who maybe had the same or even a different cancer or surgery, but understands the feelings.

Re: Surgery in 7 days, why am I not nervous???

Posted by Wendy Tea on May 25, 2020 11:52 pm

Samiam‍  Please feel free to post. I know whatever you post will come from the heart.

Best wishes on your surgery,  Yes, I was scared but weirdly calm. I felt the train had left the station and I was on it. I had no control over what was going to happen.  Well I had opted for a mastectomy but I put my faith in my medical team to do their very best for me and they did. When you are offered choices consider them carefully. When the team takes over, sit back and relax. They will do their very best for you. Please stay in touch and when you can let us know how you are doing. You are very fortunate to have such a loving family. 
Healing takes time and opportunity. Wendy Tea

Re: Surgery in 7 days, why am I not nervous???

Posted by Runner Girl on May 26, 2020 6:42 am


I'm glad they've been able to give you a surgery date so soon.  Sounds like, with all the preparation and precautions you and your wonderful family have taken that it will be a go.  That you are not nervous is a good thing, surgery will get the job done and remove that which seeks to harm you.  I was eager for my breast cancer surgery to get it out of me as quickly as possible.  I was diagnosed on May 7, 2018 and had surgery May 23.

No need to worry about saying the wrong thing.  We've all been there and understand this is a very emotional and difficult time.  

Please feel free to post as often as you wish.  As the day gets closer we are here for you if you need a little extra support.

Runner Girl
Never stop believing in HOPE because MIRACLES happen every day!

Re: Surgery in 7 days, why am I not nervous???

Posted by Peterpatch on May 27, 2020 8:28 am

Wishing you and your family hope patience and courage. It sounds like you have amazing support. I was excited to have my surgery and sentinel biopsy. The waiting is horrid so moving forward in treatment was actually a high with a bit of guilt thrown in because not everyone is getting surgery due to Covid. Trust your team and stay safe. Mega hug from a distance!

Re: Surgery in 7 days, why am I not nervous???

Posted by Laika57 on May 29, 2020 10:16 am

I wish you all the best for your surgery!
I've not been in your shoes, but my husband is supposed to have surgery on the 8th. He is a volatile mess right now. And not even slightly cautious about going out. But he's also got no energy, so he sleeps a lot, which keeps him out of trouble for the most part.
It goes under the heading of everyone copes differently.
You have a great attitude and your family there to support you. Not much more to ask for :)
Good luck 🍀🤞

Re: Surgery in 7 days, why am I not nervous???

Posted by Samiam on May 30, 2020 9:56 pm

Just an update, it was bumped.... now to wait for the next date they have.  Thanks for all the best wishes, I will hold onto them for the real thing!

sigh :(

Re: Surgery in 7 days, why am I not nervous???

Posted by Wendy Tea on Jun 6, 2020 11:50 am

Samiam‍  Any news on rescheduling?  I have my fingers crossed for an early date!
Healing takes time and opportunity. Wendy Tea

Re: Surgery in 7 days, why am I not nervous???

Posted by vic777 on Jun 7, 2020 11:10 am

Hang in there as they used to say.  Although this has absolutely no relevance whatsoever-you are a great writer!  I'm in agreement with all other friends, you have done a great job, can't ask anymore of yourself AND your family is insanely supportive AND finally your team is just that-your team.  They will do whatever is necessary to get it all right!!!!  As for you not being nervous, don't over analyze it, it is likely because you  have done  everything you could to be fully prepared.

I had a different type of major life threatening surgery 3 years ago, so I do feel I can relate to a degree (now I have cancer) just remember the best part for sure is when they knock you out, so you aren't really aware of anything until maybe the next day.  For me (I'm 67) my biggest shock was how long my recovery time was going to be, couldn't get in my head to rest rest rest.  So based on that, enjoy the moments you have right now and pump up your daughter and husband how they are going to champion you back to health.  Without any doubt you are in my prayers and I'm sure many others in our supportive community.  As they say, "break a leg"!!