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this and that and everything that goes with it

this and that and everything that goes with it

Posted by Vox on Mar 30, 2020 6:11 am

Hi, 1st off let me say how thankful I am for this site and the people who occupy it.... I am so appreciative.

My husbands palliative doctor has the virus.  so for the last 2 weeks visit have been by phone.

Michael has gone down hill quickly in the past 2 weeks.  He is only eating breakfast, but does eat chocolate throughout the day, chocolate bars, chocolate ice cream etc.
He now has to use a walker in the house to get from point A to point B.   Showering with the PSW is a problem and probably starting this week his 'showers' will be in bed. He is down to 90 pounds (how much more can he lose?) he sleeps on the couch or the bed a lot, almost all day but finds the power to watch the re-run of the Raptors 2019 games - he says its like watching it for the first time.  Any excertion does him in and that includes going to the washroom.  I did get him a urinal, and we do have a commode if he wants to use them, but he says it takes his dignity away.
They has upped his fentanyl to 50mcg and as much hydromorphone that he needs.  I think they will up his fentanyl up this week.  I am now having to do his docet and putting on his patches.  He says he is so weak that his arms hurt.
I send out emails to family and friends telling them on Michaels deterioration, but what I have found the closer to the end - the less they call me.... I have told several who have partners, how hard it is not to be able to get a 'real' hug out of Michael.... How lonely it is because of the gov't imposed isolation.  So I have been doing a lot of painting, abstracts mostly, but some scenery stuff.  I made 3 - 12x16 canvas posters  - double sided, so I can see them in my home and the outside world can see them to... they are quotes... 1) Dance like no one is watching,  2) This too shall pass and 3) Never give up.   Then I decided I am going to paint the interior of my home.  I have started that...Anything to fill in the time as I watch Michael sleep..... tell me do you wake up to make sure your partner is still breathing?  We sleep very close to each other, usually with arms around each other.  All I feel is bone - when he stands - his bones are sticking out - its heartbreaking for me  and he is visibly uncomfortable with me seeing his body. I had been cooking all kinds of soups as Michael was enjoying them - my freezer is full - but he isnt eating them any more... Maybe today I can convince him to have a little.  Last week, he asked me to stop working.  So I called my clients and told them I will not be in for the near future and have arrange for others to look after them.  That was hard to do, because it was a distraction for me-an escape from my reality.
Thank you again for the allowance of being able to freely express myself.

Re: this and that and everything that goes with it

Posted by Brighty on Mar 30, 2020 8:34 am

Vox‍  it pains me that you have to go through  this.  I'm glad you trust us to be able to confide in us.      The strength  you show is nothing short of amazing.   It's a huge gift to be able to  be with your  hubby near the and to be able to show him the kind of love that you have shown him.     He is loved and so are you and there is nothing more precious than  that.     Hold that in your heart......let it bring you comfort knowing how strong the love you share is.     Sending  you a virtual  hug and continue  to use  your distraction techniquies and  reach out for support .   Sending  you a virtual  hug.      
Help is out there. All you have to do is reach out.

Re: this and that and everything that goes with it

Posted by Runner Girl on Mar 30, 2020 9:04 am

Vox‍ ,

Your love, strength and devotion are so evident in your words.  I can only imagine how difficult this is for you.  I saw my Mom go thru it when my Dad had lung cancer, her strength was inspiring.  Thank you for sharing with us.  Sending you another virtual HUG!

Runner Girl
Never stop believing in HOPE because MIRACLES happen every day!

Re: this and that and everything that goes with it

Posted by MCoaster on Mar 30, 2020 11:40 am

Vox‍   You and Michael are such special people whose love and respect for each other shines through.

  I can only imagine how emotionally and physically stressful it is for both of you because there is little or no respite and many complex needs and it is good that this community is an outlet and support for you.  You are very valued here.

Loving thoughts and hugs.

Margaret

How is the painting going?

Re: this and that and everything that goes with it

Posted by Vox on Mar 30, 2020 12:56 pm

I want to thank you all for your kind words of encouragement.  
I am still painting.  *laughing* I painted my foyer so I could hang a couple of them...I will try and attach them.....

Michael and I love the group Supertramp, and they have an album called Even In The Quietest Moments... I love that title and it so reminds me of Michael....so I have 2 paintings and I will be writing the quote on the wall also...its just taped at the moment because I'm not sure what font I want to use, but you will get the gist
I cant seem to post paintings... I will try under a different email...

Re: this and that and everything that goes with it

Posted by Vox on Mar 30, 2020 12:59 pm

did it work?.... i upload pics... then I hit update... but nothing happens...

Re: this and that and everything that goes with it

Posted by WestCoastSailor on Mar 30, 2020 3:02 pm

Hey Vox‍ , I want to see those pictures.

I"m guessing that what is happening is your hitting update at the top and not the button upload at the bottom?


Choose the icon above that looks like a little picture of mountains. There will be a popup. Use the browse to choose the photo file you want and then it uploads down below. You should see a progress bar. It gives you the option to add a title and description and whether or not to put it in the gallery.  Then hit upload and automagically your photo should appear.

5771ae3e4ff21ea706ae0f53bc1df225-huge-15

Angus

 
My story: http://journey.anguspratt.ca

Re: this and that and everything that goes with it

Posted by Vox on Mar 30, 2020 4:18 pm

hi  I have tried using the mountain icon, and the paperclip

I hit mountain icon
big box appears
attach photos
choose file - I choose the file
it says pic is there, then says share in gallery or make it profile pic... 
Update   Close
I try to accept Update, but nothing happens

Re: this and that and everything that goes with it

Posted by WestCoastSailor on Mar 30, 2020 4:36 pm

Vox‍ 
I'm going to copy the last two parts and move it out of this thread to stop contamination. And we can continue the conversation over there...

Post is over here...

.https://cancerconnection.ca/discussions/viewtopic/38/65016?post_id=316806#p316806.

Angus
 
My story: http://journey.anguspratt.ca

Re: this and that and everything that goes with it

Posted by Lianne_adminCCS on Mar 30, 2020 9:03 pm

Hello Vox‍ 

Thank you for sharing with us.This cannot be easy on ether of you but as has been said, this is the greatest gift you can give. I watched my mom care for my dad when we was palliative. It was the most beautiful yet heartbreaking thing to witness. This is what in sickness and health really means.

I am glad you have found an outlet with your painting - both on and off the walls.. We would love to see them here.
WestCoastSailor‍  has given you some great tips ( thank you! )  It is a bit of a clunky process to be sure. This is what works for me:

When you are in the part of your post where you want to add the picture, select the mountain scenery icon at the top of the post box ( if you hover over it , it will say image) 
When that pop up box comes up, go right to the Choose File button and click on it. It should bring you to the pictures on your own computer/gallery.
Select that file and click on Open ( on the gallery box on your computer ). You will see a quick progress bar.
Once you see the pic there, click off "Show in Gallery " if you just want it to show here in your post. Put in a Title ( required ) and a Description if you want ( optional )
Then click on Update.
It should then show up within your post. You can move your cursor below the pic to continue typing text if you wish.

If this doesn't work for you, reach out to me and we will find a work around

Lianne


 

Re: this and that and everything that goes with it

Posted by SpeedyStill on Mar 30, 2020 9:31 pm

Vox‍ 
There are no words I can say that will ease what you are facing with your husband.
As a man I can say that what you are doing is extremely important.
That little boy inside is looking for the warmth and tenderness of his wife's  loving body. That connection and cementing of your bonding together into a loving couple.
Accepting him as he is shows your true love and commitment.
Keeping busy by painting and putting up words of strenght.
Small simple sayings which have so much meaning.
You are an inspiration for me and I am sure for a lot of other Community members.
Thank you so much for sharing this with us.
Speedystill 

Re: abstract

Posted by Vox on Mar 30, 2020 10:04 pm

abstract - used leftover latex pain, in a pourb02e9fd0459c70b883d4b8f780fc63a3-huge-pa
abstract used acrylic paint for 2nd one8571c9afa79e4bf92ebc438bc23ad3b5-huge-pa
ff5879951f986ece9eee74369a66b25c-huge-pa

Re: this and that and everything that goes with it

Posted by WestCoastSailor on Mar 30, 2020 10:59 pm

Wow. Just wow. It never ceases to amaze me what emotions pour out in a piece of art. (pun not intended but left even when I saw it.) Vox‍ thanks for persevering through the pain of uplaoding to show us your work.

Angus
My story: http://journey.anguspratt.ca

Re: this and that and everything that goes with it

Posted by Cynthia Mac on Mar 31, 2020 9:46 am

Vox‍ , you are inspiring to so many people. Your ability to offer unconditional love knows no bounds.

Your painting with the turquoise and yellow stripes is beautiful - it shows (to me) that even the quietest moments have a heart in them.

For fonts, I would lean toward Snell Roundhand or perhaps Geographica - but I’m a font geek who likes old-fashioned scripts.

Wishing you peace.
“When the root is deep, there is no reason to fear the wind.” - Japanese saying

Re: this and that and everything that goes with it

Posted by Vox on Mar 31, 2020 10:21 am

Cynthia
Thanks!... re the fonts I dont have them..... but I will look 'em up on net and see

thank you

Re: this and that and everything that goes with it

Posted by Lianne_adminCCS on Mar 31, 2020 11:40 am

Vox‍ 

They are beautiful. Thanks for sharing. Well done -  both at painting them and posting them ; )


Lianne

Re: this and that and everything that goes with it

Posted by Rayline on Mar 31, 2020 10:07 pm

VoxWestCoastSailor‍, thank you to both of for the beautiful art. Keep posting❤️