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Mom diagnosed with stage 4 small cell. Spread...

Mom diagnosed with stage 4 small cell. Spread...

Posted by Needtotalk on May 15, 2019 6:53 pm

 .I  hought I had a hard time coming up I didn't know that I would be coming up to something like this. this past October in 2019,my mom had to come back to canada to help mu sister deliver her baby.  she had had a pretty bad cough for the past six months and she was told it was bronchitis. Unfortunately so come October she within a day or two she has a huge lump under throat after that we decided to go for more testing the family doctor had referred her to the emergency room ASAP. The next morning we were told it was lymphoma. after further testing took two weeks we were told that it was small cell lung cancer that started in the lungs spread to the lymph nodes, lower back & to her spine. 3 days after she started her first chemo session. It was stage 4, and if she hadnt started, she would have been gone within weeks. She responded well to therapy and then come February 2019 she radiated the part of her lung where the tumor had shrunk but remain. There was a discussion about doing brain radiation but the doctor said they prefer not to unless they found something. today is May 15th and as of last week we found out that  cancer is back and it had spread to her brain, ovaries and above the kidney so she's starting chemo again and full brain radiation. I have never been so scared in my life. I am 30, my mom is 48 & I have 3 younger siblings. The two with her now say she has given up doesnt want to do anything. :( I am going back home to see her in a month. I am so scared I would lose her within that time. I don't know how to keep being strong for my siblings. I dont know how to keep believing if will be ok when I know how bad it is. I dont dont if I can close my eyes with out feeling the day is close. Its so hard to keep being strong..

Re: Mom diagnosed with stage 4 small cell. Spread...

Posted by ashcon on May 15, 2019 9:15 pm

Hi Needtotalk‍ 
​​​​​​
I'm glad you have found this wonderful site and have told us what's going on with your mom, your siblings, and with you. 
As a mom myself, and someone diagnosed with cancer, let me say that there is no obligation or expectation for anyone to be "strong" at a time like this. Or, I should say, let your strength show by being  honest, open, present, vulnerable, authentic and unconditional with each other, and especially with your mom. 

Your Mom is very young  so there is nothing fair about her diagnosis or how far her cancer has progressed. 
The fact that she is so young gives her doctors reason to try everything possible that she is willing to try as well. 
​​​​​​A cancer diagnosis always teaches us to hold both hope and reality in the same hand.  It is in this way that we truly learn what it means to be compassionate and strong in ways we never imagined. 

Your mom would want to know her children are getting help and support at this time as she knows she can't offer it to you herself.  

The conversations in these discussions may be helpful for you. Perhaps even reach out to the individuals that are part of the discussions. 
Coping With a Parent's Diagnosis
How Can A Remote Caregiver Stay Strong

Tip: if you want to tag someone in a post simply type the "@" symbol before the first 3-4 letters of their member name and select the person from the list that appears. 

Tagging Brightyrainbowpromise‍ and Lacey_adminCCS‍ who may be able to offer some more insight and guidance for you. 

What country does your mother live in? 

Re: Mom diagnosed with stage 4 small cell. Spread...

Posted by Brighty on May 16, 2019 8:27 am

Needtotalk‍  I'm glad you found us here.  I'm so sorry about your mom's diagnoses.       Like ashcon‍  said, you don't need to always be strong and you can't always be strong.     If you keep your feelings bottled up you will end up exploding.     Do you have any close friends  or relatives  you can confide in or ask for assistance?       I leaned  a lot on my family  for support when I was a caregiver .    I also spoke to a social worker almost daily.       The oncology  dept  will always have a sociall worker on duty  who you will be able to talk to .   The social worker was a huge help and can also refer you to whatever resources  you might need  for your mom, your self and your family going forward.     Do you belong to a religious organization?  Sometimes  they can be a great help too and will reach out to members of the community to pitch in for help for your mom for what ever needs she has.    There's always help out there.        You found a great place to start out here and I'm sure other members  will reach out to you with more ideas and suggestions.    We are here to support you whatever  you need.     

Re: Mom diagnosed with stage 4 small cell. Spread...

Posted by rainbowpromise on May 19, 2019 9:36 pm

Hi Needtotalk‍ 
I'm so sorry to hear this. I have been there with my husband. It isn't and easy road you are about to travel. All I can say is follow the lead of your mom. If she believes she will get better, let her believe. It will keep her stronger for longer. Frame preparations for death as "just in case". One thing I did with my husband was to talk to him and ask him questions about the past. It kept him occupied with his mind off the horrible parts of the treatment.
I found a group of friends that had been there. Widows and widowers that could still feel the pain of loss. They were there for me when the time came.
I wish you strength and comfort during this time.
Annette