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Posted by Brighty on Mar 13, 2019 11:15 pm

Not really sure why I'm posting this.     I might be invited to 2 weddings soon.   I don't know that I'm emotionally ready to handle being at a wedding after everything that happened.    I don't want to hurt the people's feelings by not attending............so what's a nice way of declining without hurting people's feelings?  Or should I suck it up and see if I can handle it?      

Re: weddings

Posted by ChristineH on Mar 14, 2019 9:14 am

Brighty‍, don’t suck it up. Do what is right for you. If you’re comfortable, explain exactly as you posted it here, there’s nothing wrong with that. Or maybe you can consider doing just a very short appearance (ie an hour, warn them ahead of time). If not, then the people inviting you are probably not very close to you, in which case just about any excuse would do. Can you use the illness as an excuse? Lack of energy, or stamina to last the day? 

I almost want to say that anyone who doesn’t understand your situation is not worth having as a “friend”... but that’s my view on things. 
“Never a horse, always a zebra”

Re: weddings

Posted by WesT on Mar 14, 2019 10:44 am

Brighty‍ If you are not ready or not comfortable attending, just politely decline.  Those that are aware of what you have been through will hopefully understand.  In some cases they may not even ask why you are not attending being caught up in their upcoming day.  If pressed and they persist politely tell them you are just not up to it.

Of course if all else fails you can tell an "untruth" (I am not going to say lie) that you have a previous commitment that you need to deal with....

You have to do what you are comfortable doing.  If these people are important to you, you can attend and leave early.

Re: weddings

Posted by ashcon on Mar 14, 2019 11:57 am

Hi Brighty‍ 

Great advice from WesT‍ and ChristineH‍ .
Another idea and perspective: 
Weddings and friends/family getting married are things that will continue to happen.  I'd hate to see you get into a situation where if you decline these 2 weddings (with the reason why), then future invitations may slow down or cease coming your way altogether because your friends & family members may not be sure of your readiness, and won't want to upset you.

To pick up on what Christine H said, maybe do it in baby steps.  Commit to going just for a short period (maybe just the reception), and ask someone to accompany you (be your "date") who can be there with you, and for you, at your side.  Then you can slowly work to build up your ability and willingness to attend without these uncomfortable feelings.

Just an idea....

Re: weddings

Posted by Brighty on Mar 14, 2019 12:28 pm

ChristineH‍    ashcon‍    and WesT‍   thank you so much for your responses!  You gave me much to think about !!!! 

Re: weddings

Posted by Lacey_adminCCS on Mar 14, 2019 12:48 pm


You have received some great suggestions from all! As I read each one I kept agreeing with what they said in my head...great points made!

If you really aren't up for it give yourself permission to decline. However like Ann said I would hate to see you start missing out on social events and maybe baby steps is a good approach. I think you might surprise yourself and have a good time and if it brings up some emotions I'm confident you will handle yourself well. You have shown so much strength and growth over the last year girl- I think you got this.

You'll make the right choice for you,

Re: weddings

Posted by Cynthia Mac on Mar 14, 2019 12:58 pm

Hi, Brighty‍ !

I’m chiming in on the same vein as the others - Knowing you, I think the ceremony itself might be hard for you to deal with right now, but I think you might just have a good time at the reception.

I agree that the decision is up to you, and I also feel that a good party might do you some good!


Re: weddings

Posted by Brighty on Mar 14, 2019 1:00 pm

Lacey_adminCCS‍  thank you!!! I think you might  be right!!  I've surprised myself  a few times.  Never thought I would make it this far.. but I did.. so Ya. .. ashcon‍ might have a point.   It would be ashame to start getting left out of everything.    If I have an emotional moment.  No biggie!!  We're all human! !!

Re: weddings

Posted by Brighty on Mar 14, 2019 1:02 pm

Cynthia Mac‍  yes.. I think you're right  too. The ceremony  will be tough.. but the party is just a party so maybe I'll just go for the party part.   Thanks everyone! !!!!!

Re: weddings

Posted by Kims1961 on Mar 14, 2019 8:28 pm

Brighty‍  Nothing more to add as you have some awesome advice and suggestions.  I"m just glad you posted as you aren't alone in this area.  Much like there is a group for Living After Cancer - this also applies to caregivers.  I think jorola‍ said it really well once about there comes a time that caregivers need to be in "remission" too from cancer - Living After Cancer for Caregivers. 

As a side note...when i was recovering from cancer and watching some of those wedding shows on TV - there was a trend for some receptions to have KD as a meal!  ha ha...who knows?  🍲

Thanks for posting


Re: weddings

Posted by Brighty on Mar 14, 2019 9:05 pm

Kims1961‍  THANK YOU thank you!  Funny thing is I watch wedding shows too, "say yes to the dress" and "4 weddings."  The one in which the brides compete to win a honeymoon.     yes, I saw that a few of them had KD as a meal!  my mouth was totally watering when I saw that LOL!       Thanks for your response!      

Re: weddings

Posted by LPPK on Mar 15, 2019 11:40 am

Brighty‍  all the suggestions of baby steps are great one.  Since food and company are usually a comforting activity you might try just the reception, even if it is only for the meal.  .  Whatever you decide will be the correct decision for you. 

Re: weddings

Posted by Brighty on Mar 15, 2019 2:32 pm

LPPK‍  thank you so much! I'm sure I'll figure it all out.