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Granddaughter of Pancreatic Cancer patient seeks help to support him.

Granddaughter of Pancreatic Cancer patient seeks help to support him.

Posted by Shannon1 on Mar 4, 2019 6:46 pm

Hi. 
I am seeking help. My Grandfather who is very dear to me has recently (1month) been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He has little support although he is now living with his brother and her wife, who help take care of him. Before he moved (2weeksago) I could drop by whenever I wanted. Now he is living with them I need to make a plan to see him.
He will not arrange a time for me to visit! He says he isn't feeling well so it's not a good time...everytime. 
There is no hope for him as they aren't willing to do surgery, chemo or radiation due to his age (79 in April).
I NEED to spend time with him! I love him so much, i have a young daughter who is also close to him ....we need to cherish the time he has left but he will not let me/us visit! 
How can I convince him to let me visit even though he feels terrible? I feel so selfish for even writing this post-maybe I should just respect his wishes? 
please help! 
-My heart is broken.
 

Re: Granddaughter of Pancreatic Cancer patient seeks help to support him.

Posted by ACH2015 on Mar 4, 2019 7:13 pm

Shannon1‍ 

I am sorry you find yourself in this situation. Its doubly tough because its difficult trying to explain this to your daughter, (his great grand daughter), as well

A couple of suggestions I can offer:

1) Contact his brother and let him know how important it is for you and your daughter to see your grandfather. If they will help you by contacting you when your grand father may be up to a visit of sorts.

2) Both you and your daughter could write your grand father a letter. Tell him you understand how hard it is to want company when he is so sick, but express your desires to see him with your daughter when he is up to it, even if its a short visit. Maybe even include a nice photo of you and your daughter in the letter.

As a cancer patient myself, I know how hard it is to want company when you are unable to deal with pain, fear, nausea and everything else that can come with cancer.

At the very least you will have expressed your love and desire to be with your grand father, and hopefully he will take this to heart and do his best to get an opportunity to have you and your daughter visit.

I hope this helps.

Keep well

ACH2015 - Andy.

 

Re: Granddaughter of Pancreatic Cancer patient seeks help to support him.

Posted by Shannon1 on Mar 4, 2019 7:56 pm

Andy H‍ thank you for your response, I appreciate your advice and I will do both of these things. I took care of him after his.knee surgery in September and he didn't seem to mind that I seen him  in pain, although I am sure this is a different kind of.pain. 
on the phone he tells me he is depressed. He has had his entire life flipped upside down in the matter of 2 weeks. (Flew home from Florida because he was sick, straight to hospital diagnosis the next day..surgery for a stent to be put in that week, moved to another city, lost his independence the same week ..a man who lives for daily road trips and now can not drive due to his meds). He told me the day he cant drive is the day he hopes he dies. 
I took him to all his appointments, I took notes, asked questions, made more appointments... We have always been so close and he confides in me with everything... until now. 
Hopefully these strategies will work. Thank you. 

Re: Granddaughter of Pancreatic Cancer patient seeks help to support him.

Posted by ACH2015 on Mar 4, 2019 8:10 pm

Shannon1‍ 

I truly hope this helps everyone involved here.

You said your grand father says he is depressed? Has he had the opportunity to discuss this with a mental health professional, or member of his palliative care team?

Palliative care takes the whole person into consideration. Perhaps he has not been assigned a palliative care specialist yet. Social workers play a part in this as well, and I hope these things come together for all concerned.

You mentioned your grandfather has also moved to another city as well. Can you find out from his brother about palliative care for your grandfather, and what arrangements have been made or are in the works. This may help your grandfather with pain management, counseling and a host of other very helpful services.

Please keep in touch and let us know how things are progressing.

I hope the suggestions of letters help.

You are a wonderful and caring granddaughter Shannon.

ACH2015 - Andy.

Re: Granddaughter of Pancreatic Cancer patient seeks help to support him.

Posted by Lianne_adminCCS on Mar 4, 2019 8:23 pm

Shannon1‍ 

I too am sorry that you find yourself in the situation you do.  ACH2015‍ (Andy) has given you some excellent suggestions here. 
I just wanted to say that per your post, this is still all very new to him. A cancer diagnosis in itself can send anyone for a loop and putting some space between themselves and others is not uncommon. People will usually come around. I understand that you may have some urgency here if they are not going to do any treatment so that is a different situation.
Sharing your thoughts in a letter ( or a phone call?) would be a start that will hopefully lead to a visit. I hope you can work with his brother and wife as well.

By reaching out here, I can tell how much this means to you and I hope you are able to get your visits. I do know too that by posting your situation here, you will be helping others as well

Please keep us posted
Thinking of you and your family

Lianne

Re: Granddaughter of Pancreatic Cancer patient seeks help to support him.

Posted by Shannon1 on Mar 6, 2019 6:43 pm

Thanks for the responses. He hasn't been assigned pallitive care yet.... we are still waiting for the results of which stage he is at. I will Definately mention it to them. 
yes he has moved to the city (where I live, too) from his place in a small town about 40 minutes away. 
I did get some information that he is very very tired. I've been told he is exhausted even after just a short outing. This is probably part of why he doesn't want to see anyone. 
I do speak to him on the phone, I call him every second day. We used to talk for up to an hour now he has cut our calls short ..sometimes less then a few minutes.
I really appreciate all your help :-) thank you. I will continue to keep you posted. 

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