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How to get out of does dark moments.

How to get out of does dark moments.

Posted by Syl on Jan 29, 2019 2:50 pm

Hello, I was diagnosed with breast cancer Dec 28. New year was ruff but I managed very well but keeping myself busy. Thursday will be my mastectomy and last night was one of the very darkest moments I have ever experience. I woke up at midnight and I started to think and the emotions started to just flow to the point that I could not stop. Today is a bit better but I need support I realize this now. My husband well he does not talk about this so I need to find people that understand what I’m going tru. How not to go to does dark moments? Or do I have to go their to deal with this cancer ... help ! 
Sylvie Michaud

Re: How to get out of does dark moments.

Posted by Aly on Jan 29, 2019 6:44 pm

Hey Syl‍ , welcome to Cancer Connection!

I understand that sometimes it's hard to keep positive and I am glad you're reaching out; we're here to help!

I am going to tag in some lovely people who have much more experience than I do with breast cancer. Kims1961‍ , Minus2‍, Lianne_adminCCS‍ would you mind jumping in on this?

In the mean time, I wanted to post a link to the Breast Cancer Support Services there are a few options to choose from to find some folk that understand what you're going through and would be more than happy to lend an ear.
  • Here on Cancer Connection, especially under the Breast Cancer discussion group
  • Through the Canadian Cancer Society Peer Mentor program; you can match up with a mentor that has gone through a similar situation as your own and talk to them over the phone!
  • Locate local groups via the Community Services Locator or if you would prefer speaking with a person to help locate groups, call toll-free 1-888-939-3333

Re: How to get out of does dark moments.

Posted by Kims1961 on Jan 29, 2019 7:12 pm

Aly‍ ...Thank you for the tag!  I had the pleasure of "meeting" Syl‍  and we have connected.   Well done Syl‍  for also posting on the Emotional Roller Coaster forum...you're catching on quick!!!

I'm sure you will hear from the others.  As you can see from Aly‍  - we try hard to connect with other members on the site.  You will find that you are not alone in how you are feeling but also by posting your questions, you are also helping others who may not be ready to post a question. 

Hope today was better.  Kim
Her2+, ER+ Bilateral mastectomy in 2017, followed by chemo and radiation. Mack and Hannah's mom

Re: How to get out of does dark moments.

Posted by Syl on Jan 29, 2019 7:26 pm

Thank you Aly, so confusing on were to post. Do I get all my reply on my little inbox 
Sylvie Michaud

Re: How to get out of does dark moments.

Posted by Minus2 on Jan 29, 2019 7:49 pm

Hi Syl‍, 
I am glad you have reached out to us and I am very sorry you have a breast cancer diagnosis.  I was diagnosed in May 2016 and had both breasts removed and immediately reconstructed.  There were lots of dark moments and sometimes, I still have them.  Dark moments are to be expected and for me, they were worse when I was waiting for diagnostic tests to be done and surgery to be completed.  Once your surgery is finished, the Dr.'s will complete a pathology report and that will help them formulate a treatment plan.  You will feel better and a little more in charge once a plan is in place.  It's the waiting that is so difficult.  It is natural to go to dark places - we all do it - but we cannot linger there.  And night time is when the uncertainty and fear looms the largest.  
Like you, my husband has not talked about his fears.  He will talk about the cancer - mostly to ask me questions I have already answered LOL -  but the worries he carries deep in his heart, I think because he is too afraid to give them voice.  And similarly, I did my crying alone, usually in the shower, rather than in front of him.  One thing I have learned to do is to tell him what I need from him.  He is a wonderful man, but not overly insightful, so direct requests work best for both of us.  And I know he does not talk because he is so afraid, less now than he was at the beginning, but it's still there.  Truthfully, the only person who understands what it's like to have cancer is another person who has had cancer, so this dialogue is often better with someone other than a spouse.  Your regional cancer centre should have a social worker you can talk to if the fear is taking up too much head space - you just need to reach out and they will see you.
Take one day at a time Syl, it's all any of us can do, and focus on the positive.  My aunt is a 30 year survivor.  I think about her every day.   Let us know how your surgery goes - you will do better than you expect and you will be so relieved to have the cancer out.  You can do this!

Re: How to get out of does dark moments.

Posted by Syl on Jan 29, 2019 8:20 pm

smileyso glad that I have reach out,I feel much better to know that you are all their to listen to me. Well we listen to each other. Thank you 
Sylvie Michaud

Re: How to get out of does dark moments.

Posted by Aly on Jan 29, 2019 10:43 pm

Syl‍ , I know what you mean! With so many places to post it can be a bit confusing at first, but it looks like you're doing a great job finding your way around.

Regarding the notifications, you should receive them through your inbox on the website (you may also be opted in for the notifications to be sent to your email as well).

  • The pink arrow is your inbox, it shows you how many notifications you have (that are unread). Private messages, replies to your posts, and notifications to any groups you may have joined can be viewed here.
  • The blue arrow is the link to the settings, if you'd like to manage how many or what kind of notifications (or emails) you are receiving, click this link. For more on setting up your subscriptions, visit my journal post.
Hope that helps!