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Will I live

Will I live

Posted by Marilyn53 on Jan 21, 2019 10:31 pm

I am having a hard time coming to grips with life and death. I am not afraid of dying but how to live till then.  I'm trying to stay up for family and friends
but feel less optimistic for myself.  Not sure I have a question, just needed to say it.

Re: Will I live

Posted by Kims1961 on Jan 21, 2019 11:47 pm

Marilyn53‍ Thank you for posting....sometimes the best posts are just "ponders" or "thoughts"....there is no right or wrong answer but maybe thoughts and ponders from others are the most helpful.

I was diagnosed with breast cancer last year...on my birthday in fact...which seemed weird as on my "birth   day".  I was also contemplating this diagnosis of potential/ eventual death ( probably).  We often are put in a place where we and/or our loved ones feel the need to be positive/ "fight this battle"/ and are not able to also discuss the concept of death - like it's a bad omen to do so.  Recently on CBC's program. "Out in the Open"...there was a guest speaker, a woman diagnosed with cancer and her thoughts around death/dying/living that I found helpful. In this interview she talks about finding her way through her own reality...sometimes optimistically ad sometimes not.

Just thought you might be interested in it as well.  You are not alone and we understand.  KIm



Re: Will I live

Posted by ashcon on Jan 22, 2019 8:37 am

Kims1961‍  Marilyn53‍ 
What a great article, Kim.
And it is so very true that anyone who has received a cancer diagnosis (or any other critical illness diagnosis) seriously contemplates their death.  Mortality is no longer hypothetical. 

And we all know that most people in our lives don't want to hear or talk about our impending demise - ours or theirs. And that makes it very difficult to have a meaningful  authentic conversation about many things from that point forward..

Marilyn, your pondering reminds me of one of my favourite quotes from one of my favourite books  Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom - a beautiful book about life's lessons as told to a young man by his dying college professor:

It's more than the negative that you're going to die, it's also the positive that you understand that you're going to die, and that you live a better life because of it.

May your life be fully lived today. 

Re: Will I live

Posted by princessmaura on Jan 22, 2019 10:04 am

ashcon‍, how true it is about wanting to live a better life when you have cancer...I find that I want to live life to the fullest and the small things which used to irritate me, now seem trivial...
there is an immediacy, now...a wanting to enjoy now and not wait until later...

Re: Will I live

Posted by Lacey_adminCCS on Jan 22, 2019 10:24 am


This is a great place to get things off your chest and just say what is on your mind. Thank you for sharing with us.

In your previous post you mentioned not being sure about your prognosis. Have you found out more? Like many others have said being diagnosed with cancer definitely gets you thinking about your mortality. You're not alone.

I thought you might find this information on Moving Forward after your diagnosis helpful from cancer.ca. It talks about acceptance and moving forward with meaning. I hope you find it helpful. 

Thinking of you,

Re: Will I live

Posted by Marilyn53 on Jan 22, 2019 2:54 pm

Thank you Lacey,
I have small cell lung cancer.  The prognoses is not good.  I will have 4 to 6 rounds of chemo with scans after 4.  That will determine if they will keep trying.
No radiation scheduled yet, so we will see, but the outlook is discouraging.

Re: Will I live

Posted by WestCoastSailor on Jan 23, 2019 12:23 pm


Walking that lung cancer road with you. Diagnosed in May with NSCLC (so a bit different) at Stage 3C so about as close to Stage 4 and terminal as you can get without actually being there. Prognosis - not good - median life expectancy is 17 months. So I got my affairs in order. Will. Power of Attorney. Son added to bank accounts to make estate easier to manage...

Lots of thinking about death and dying. And now I'm living life. Treatments have been moderately successful. As I like to tell people if I didn't know I was sick - I wouldn't know I was sick. Because at the end of the day, all there is, is hope.

The blessings? Meeting all kinds of people on the same journey as me. Coming closer to my children as I realize the immediacy of death. The ability to put my time and energy where it will make a difference and seeing that difference made.

I do remember about six weeks into chemo/radiation having a discussion with my wife about some trivial thing that she wanted to do and I had no interest in. I shouted at her "But I'm dying and I don't have time to waste." She calmly responded, "We all are and I think it is important." We ended up doing it and I enjoyed myself in ways that I hadn't expected. Good memories.

Walk with hope and enjoy each moment.


Re: Will I live

Posted by Lacey_adminCCS on Jan 23, 2019 12:54 pm

Thanks for replying Marilyn53‍. Take it one step at a time. I hope the chemo helps. Did you have a chance to check out the link at all? Find it helpful?

We are here to walk beside you through this,


Re: Will I live

Posted by SpeedyStill on Feb 15, 2019 7:17 pm

I am on my second journey with cancer and when people ask me how I handle it I say "one day at a time".
I have a picture of my parents on my bedside table and I say good night to them before I go to sleep.This is what I hold onto. I was fortunate to have loving parents. They were not perfect however they did there best with what they had at the time. 

I suffer with a lot of pain especially later in the day. I am on the maximum dose of a pain medication however it does not take it all away.
I will continue the fight until the battle is over.