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Missing My Dad

Missing My Dad

Posted by sweet-tina on Jan 17, 2019 10:04 pm

My dad finally came home last year in November after a long battle he passed away November 28, 2018.  The worst was watching him suffer in the hospital even though he was on pain meds.  I cant beleive that it happened so fast.  I do not regret seeing him and now and then I miss him so much, I know for a fact thier was nothing we could do stage 4 is not the best and it is the worst.  Before I left the hopstial that night I knew he did not have long and I am so glad my husband said "Give him a hug" I gave him the hug and knew in my mind he is dying and I wish we had more time with him.  At times I get so angry and wonder how much it hurts to know he is gone.  Through out the day I am okay but sometimes at night it gets to me.  I try so hard not to blame anyone but then I start to blame god and why he took my father.  I am okay and times I am not, I take anti-depression pills and that seems to help a-lot and with my husband, mom and brother friends and family it dose not seem to dark.  I am hoping that time heals all things but my dad was my hero.  I love you dad and I will miss you.

Re: Missing My Dad

Posted by Lacey_adminCCS on Jan 17, 2019 10:17 pm

sweet-tina

Your love for your Dad shines through in your post. It's very difficult to lose someone you love and it has only been a short time. There are good days and bad days. Sometimes grief can creep up when you're least expecting it. 

It will be three years in February since my dad passed away. The first few months I remember feeling shock, disbelief, and anger. Life felt so different without him. Something that helped me was talking to others who understood and remembering that my dad just wanted us to be okay after he was gone. That really motivated me to find my way again. I'd like to introduce you to Aly‍ and Lianne_adminCCS‍ who have also experienced losing a parent. 

You can talk to us here anytime. We are listening. Have you considered grief counseling?

Take Care,
Lacey
 

Re: Missing My Dad

Posted by Cynthia Mac on Jan 18, 2019 7:57 am

sweet-tina‍ , I am sorry for your loss. I lost my Mom suddenly (heart disease we didn’t know about) almost 18 months ago. I think there are still some days when I’m processing that.

Night time seems to be when we do a lot of reflecting about such things, so I think it’s natural that this is when it hits you.

I wish you well in healing your grief. Try to remember the good, and set aside the blame. Blame doesn’t bring them back but recalling our fond memories keeps them closer to our hearts.

Re: Missing My Dad

Posted by Aly on Jan 19, 2019 1:26 pm

Hello sweet-tina‍ , I am sorry for your loss. I understand the pain you have gone through losing someone that was so dear to you.‍ 

I lost my mother a year ago to lymphoma, and I get what you mean when you write about how you much it hurts to know he is gone. When my mom passed, I tried to focus on the fact she was no longer in pain, it was the only thing that kept me relatively 'OK' with the fact she was gone. I know it is incredibly hard to keep that mindset all of the time, and there may be set backs where you will mourn. While he may not be physically here with you, he will always be in your heart and you will always have your memories of him.

Usually the daytime is easier because you can busy yourself with day-to-day tasks. At night, to avoid the depression, I started opting into finding something to quiet my mind from overthinking: painting (something my mother loved), puzzles, writing (and this was anything from journaling what my mom and I had gone through, to writing to other people going through similar things as me Brighty‍ and Mtlcity1969‍ ). Eventually I moved on to visiting friends that I could trust would be delicate with my emotional state.

Part of the grief process is laying blame, and that is totally fine. During this period of grieving allow yourself to feel however you want or need to feel - don't bottle up and don't ever feel ashamed of it. It's a natural process, some people take longer than others traversing through it. Just acknowledge that you'll be a rocky road of emotions for a little while and when you feel really upset or angry just warn the others around you so you don't happen to take it out on them!

I understand about the anti-depressants, I went on anti-anxiety medication for approximately 4 months to help with the PTSD I was going through. Take them until you feel it's time to go off them, keep your doctor in the loop and don't drop off them right away - ween yourself off them. It will take a while to have the medication completely out of your system (approximately 1-2 months).

If you ever need support we are all here for you!

Re: Missing My Dad

Posted by sweet-tina on Jan 19, 2019 9:44 pm

Thank-you so much for the support I have not seen a therpists yet, I have had depression since my teen years and I changed my medication to something better about two years ago so could I get off them, no I have tried but it put me back to square one very depressed.  These pills balance my emotions and mood though I have to say when I get angry I get angry.  So hard to believe that only one month and half has already gone by.  Sometimes when I am byself I find I want to cry and scream nut I know that won't help and I know in the end thier was nothing we could do it's cancer and it sucks.  Thank-you to all of you helps to know I am not alone. smiley

Re: Missing My Dad

Posted by Aly on Jan 21, 2019 3:44 pm

sweet-tina‍ , I'm glad that the medication has helped you! I definitely recommend a councillor or even joining a grief support group if you find the time.

If you ever want to chat, I'm here.

Re: Missing My Dad

Posted by Lianne_adminCCS on Jan 21, 2019 4:20 pm

sweet-tina‍ 
I am very sorry for your loss. I too lost my dad to cancer though it was over 25 years ago. He was only 56 and my anger and grief was so extensive I thought I would never get through it.In fact I wanted to avoid going through it altogether and just get to the part where I could only look back with fondness. But the truth is, there is no avoiding going through it and how we do that is different for everyone. I still have moments where I have a good cry over him but it no longer consumes me as it did in those early days. While crying and screaming won't change the fact he is gone, it might help you feel better in that moment. Be easy on yourself. And I couldn't agree more - cancer sucks.

Keeping you in my thoughts as you navigate your grief

Lianne

Re: Missing My Dad

Posted by sweet-tina on Mar 17, 2019 10:58 pm

Hi everyone its been a long tough road for me and all of you.  Since my dads death I have progressing forward though th thought of him still hurts and makes me upset but I have my husband who has been my rock through out this whole process.  I have my good days and bad days like everyone else, I am realizing with cancer if not looked at early enough stage four is the worst and nothing can be done it is what it is.  I cant stress enough that loosing a parent child or any other loving person in your life is the worst feeling anyone can have.  I don't know how I moved forward beacuse it hurt so bad at the time I wrote the letter about my feelings.  My brother had a dream he was at my parents house and my brother asked him: "What can I do for you" my dad handed him a peice of paper and it said: "Boga Petko" my moms name.  My brother then asked: "Will I ever see you again?".  He said: "That is a secret I can't tell".  All of our loved ones are with us and I  know my dad is with me though I will miss him dearly.  I am doing okay if anyone needs to talk I am here.  Thank-you to everyone :)

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Re: Missing My Dad

Posted by Lacey_adminCCS on Mar 18, 2019 11:07 am

sweet-tina‍ 

I'm glad to hear you are doing okay. Thank you for the offer to be there for others as well.

We have a Coping with Grief group you might want to join here is a link.

Thanks for sharing,
Lacey