Posted by ZeroGravity60 on Mar 13, 2019 1:45 am
Cynthia Mac - What beautiful energy and wonderful wisdom you posses - or - does it posses you? 🙂
Posted by caroontario on Mar 14, 2019 8:34 am
Thank you and take care !
Posted by Cynthia Mac on Mar 14, 2019 1:19 pm
Louise Hay talks about keeping a circle of people around you who love and nourish you.
Julia Cameron, in her book The Artist’s Way, “gave me permission” to let go of people who put me down or otherwise don’t see (or won’t see) my worth. That book also “gave me permission” to stand confidently in the gifts of creativity that mean so much to me, and axe any detractors of those gifts from my circle.
Posted by Gaurav27 on Mar 27, 2019 8:31 pm
mycrazyjourney I'm sorry to hear that. I read countless posts about the same thing. I even experienced it as a caregiver and then again when I was grieving. I had friends who just drifted away from me. They were at a completely different phase in their lives. They were doing the marriage and kid thing, and my life was cancer, hospitals and scans. It was hard to even fathom this whole cancer thing. Even my fiancé's family bailed at the beginning of the ordeal. I was very bitter and hurt for a very long time. It took me a long time to realize that most people can't handle being around cancer, or talking about cancer, or anything to do with cancer because it scares them. They don't know what to say, are scared to say the wrong thing, are scared of the "C" word completely. So they back away and leave you feeling abandoned. It was ACH2015 and my mom who told me that I might be the one who should call THEM and break the ice to them. So I did it when I felt in the mood, just to let them know it's ok for them to still talk to me, that am still same old me. We just talked about normal every day things and eventually they came around again. Maybe you want to try that too and let me know if that works.
Posted by CharlotteS on Mar 29, 2019 2:19 pm
Chin up. We care about you and some of your other friends will learn to get over their fear and return to you. Give them time.
Posted by Minus2 on Mar 30, 2019 2:14 pm
Friends have receded into the background in some cases - some by their choice and some by mine. Others have come forward. And I am comfortable with that. Everyone comes into our lives for a reason and they leave for a reason, and sometimes it's not because of me or my cancer, but their inability to deal with it. And I have been guilty of that too. A co-worker lost his wife to lung cancer and I was not there for him. I had been a caregiver for both parents, a grandmother, and an uncle in a four year period and then I was diagnosed. I had nothing to give and I could not be close to his situation at the time. I have explained it to him and I think he understands but it is what it is.
Thank you for your perspective.
Posted by snowflake45 on Mar 30, 2019 5:14 pm
Also now that this is a regular conversation in my circle, it's a weird experience emotionally telling some who I haven't seen since before diagnosis. I get taken aback because I've gotten used to talking about it day and and day out so it's tough to process the shock they are experiencing. I'm also now finding I particularly enjoy the company of people who have been through/are going through this because they get it!
Posted by CherylW on Mar 30, 2019 5:35 pm
Posted by Metalqueen on Apr 1, 2019 9:44 pm
Posted by Brighty on Apr 1, 2019 9:58 pm
Posted by Metalqueen on Apr 1, 2019 10:34 pm
Yes of course! my two cats and dog are the best therapy. I almost prefer their company over humans..lol I picked up Moms dog few days ago, he is very sad and knew something was wrong a year ago..he would jump on her to wake her up when her heart was beating irregularly, I have watched always their little dog when they had to go somewhere, but this time its different, and he knows, Im thankful for the company and comfort they give. Peace and hugs
Posted by Brighty on Apr 2, 2019 7:02 am
Posted by Cynthia Mac on Apr 2, 2019 9:59 am
Your Dad is about the same age as my Dad. Dad was already doing some of this stuff when Mom passed away, so his learning curve wasn’t quite as steep. Like you, I’m finding myself in the role of “parenting the parent” — this came crashing home the other day, when my Dad called me up to bounce the idea of replacing his car off me! Talk about things for which you’re never fully prepared!
My Mom was my “strength,” too - and sounding board... and I really don’t know how I made the transition of her absence so smoothly. (Mom died suddenly in August, 2017.) The only things I can chalk it up to are that she was very matter-of-fact about dying, and that I was thrust into being Dad’s caregiver very soon after her passing. I honestly think, too, that Mom prepared me. Not sure when, not sure how, but she raised her daughters to be strong and independent.
As Brighty Says, some people will stay and help you through, and others will bolt for the hills when they learn that cancer has come into your life. Try not to be hard on those who left - they just don’t know how to cope or what to say. Try to remember that a whole new set of people who DO know how to handle it have entered or will enter your life — doctors, homecare workers, etc. — and that the people who do stay will mean ever so much more to you.
I believe firmly that not everyone is supposed to walk with us the whole way and that when we allow the ones who step away to go with love and forgiveness, we find new people who will bring the skills and compassion we need to get us through our next steps.
Posted by Lacey_adminCCS on Apr 2, 2019 12:45 pm
I thought you would be interested in ashcon's recent post 'Ask Me How I am' here: https://cancerconnection.ca/discussions/viewtopic/79/61290?post_id=293004#p293004.
Would love to get your thoughts on it Metalqueen , CherylW, snowflake, Minus2, CharlotteS, Gaurav27, Cynthia Mac, caroontario, mycrazyjourney, thecatsmeow, Runner Girl, WesT, Kims1961. Follow the link above!
Posted by Cynthia Mac on Apr 3, 2019 12:03 am
Ask me if I need anything, then ask me again. Follow through if I actually do ask for help. Know that the asking part is extremely difficult and that as crazy as it sounds, I feel a little guilty for putting you through this.Except, for me, it was “I feel a little guilty for bringing you into this.”
Posted by SpeedyStill on Apr 20, 2019 8:20 pm
We are never alone in this community.
Since starting I have read some great comments not only in this discussion but other discussions that I have read or participated in with my comment.
When life pulls you down, draw on the power within us all to lift us back up.
We are part of this community.
We are all children of God who blesses us with the power to heal.
So we are not alone we have a loving Father and a loving and caring group of people who are brought together with a common goal and that is to beat cancer.
We are survivors, never give in we want to keep living.
I am a proud 9 year survivor of non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma
And I am going to survive the Kidney Cancer that my body is currently fighting now, because I am a "Survivor "
SpeedyStill at 71 years young