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Let's discuss how friends and family will help you cope with cancer during the holidays

Let's discuss how friends and family will help you cope with cancer during the holidays

Posted by Nicole_admin on Nov 25, 2015 11:46 am

For many people, the holiday season is a time of joy and a celebration of family, friendship and tradition. When you or someone you know has cancer, or if you are grieving the loss of a loved one, this time of year can trigger new and challenging emotions. How have you coped with cancer during the holidays in years past, or how do you anticipate you will cope this holiday season? 

Let's discuss how friends and family will help you cope with a cancer diagnosis over the holidays.
 
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Re: Let's discuss how friends and family will help you cope with cancer during the holidays

Posted by sarahmontreal on Nov 26, 2015 1:53 pm

This will be our first holiday with cancer (we're 1 month after diagnosis). I'm torn in inviting my mother-in-law to spend the holidays with us this year (my husband has renal cancer). She lives in France and has never come to visit us (except for our wedding 5 years ago), despite having 2 grandchildren here. We've invited her multiple times. Since we made her aware of my husband's diagnosis, she was ready to come the day after... This has really hurt my husband a lot - she can't be bothered to come spend time with us during 'normal' circumstances, and I'm not sure if I should ask her to come for Christmas... Plus, it will certainly put extra strain on me, as I'm not even sure where she would sleep... I don't want to alienate her, though, because I know that she must be panicking, being so far away. Help!

Re: Let's discuss how friends and family will help you cope with cancer during the holidays

Posted by t_bar on Nov 27, 2015 3:21 am

Put the pettiness aside and invite her, nobody knows what's inside another persons heart....you might be pleasantly surprised.  
 

Re: Let's discuss how friends and family will help you cope with cancer during the holidays

Posted by eav on Nov 27, 2015 11:38 am

I agree, invite her.  Family is important for all of you especially at times like this.  What ever her personal reasons for not coming previously should be just put aside and try to enjoy the Christmas season - a time of family, love, forgiveness.  You will always regret it if you don't.  
 

Re: Let's discuss how friends and family will help you cope with cancer during the holidays

Posted by Deenie48 on Nov 28, 2015 10:30 am

I am getting the opposite. I a friendship that was disolved yesterday just because of the emotional roller coaster and pain. If I am not in "sound mind" or by any means "perfect" with my emotions, she does not want to deal with me, when the pain kicks in, and the Ibuprofin did not work I was angery like a wounded animal.
So as much as you feel the strain that you think it will be to have your mother -in-law come all  this way, she may step into "Mother mode" and take over and she does,  let her. Let her help you. Let her do her do the job that she knows how to best, which IS care for her family when they are broken, in this case her baby; your son. I am so sorry that up to this point she did not want to come to see your family. This will be an opportunity to find out why she did not want to come. Perhaps there are other factors involved that prevents her from being. Sometimes it is an emergency that brings a family closer together. My Mom's family was no differnt.  They never came down to see until my Dad had to tell them my Mom was dying in the early 80s.
Let her come and let her help and by all means let her help you get through this.  I hope you all have an awesome Christmas and holiday

Re: Let's discuss how friends and family will help you cope with cancer during the holidays

Posted by sarahmontreal on Nov 29, 2015 5:07 pm

Thank you everyone for the honest comments. I called my MIL yesterday and told her that we would really like to have her come for Christmas, and she said yes without hesitation. Should hear back mid-next week about her flight plans, etc. And will keep a positive, open mind for her visit. I know that I will have to play referee a bit and probably smooth things over on each side (between her and my husband), but am also hoping that she will be a bit more calm and gentle, owing to the situation... my warmest wishes to all for a holiday season that is still filled with wonder and joy, despite each of our personal challenges that we're facing.

Re: Let's discuss how friends and family will help you cope with cancer during the holidays

Posted by walsh8 on Dec 9, 2015 5:57 am

Why not make this holiday season about what YOU feel, and what YOU want to do?  That's what I'm going to strive for.  I'm going to try really hard NOT to worry about what I should be doing. I'm planning to identify the things, experiences, tastes, ...etc. that are truly meaningful to me and find a way to enjoy them. The temptation to pull the covers over my head and say no is strong some days and, at those times, I give myself permission to be the Grinch. After all, I am being treated for cancer! But, there are days when I can still find JOY and that is the essence of the Holiday Season.

Re: Let's discuss how friends and family will help you cope with cancer during the holidays

Posted by blessed on Dec 21, 2015 11:06 am

Somehow i have always thought that i can be sick and still have a good life-we have our first grandson this year and that was a fear of mine that i would not survive long enough to meet a grandchild-have spent over 2 years on the sidelines of cooking turkey etc and you know,
my adult children are very capable-i let people take care of me now and that is ok too-take what-ever love you have out there and be so glad we live in this country where we can get health care and all the love a person could handle-love blessed

Re: Let's discuss how friends and family will help you cope with cancer during the holidays

Posted by maberlor on Jan 14, 2016 10:42 am

Cancer is a lonely disease for me.  I have 6 childern and 18 grand children 6 siblings and because I was so sick, I only saw 1 of my sons over the holidays.
I understand, and it was hard on the whole family but I am ok, having chemo every 14 days, so I can't travel so much and visit people as I did before.  What I don't understand is I have a lot of friends, I was out with them every day and most nights.  We always had fun together.  Since I was diagnosed, they disappeared and so did most of my family.  If they want info on how I am doing, they call my sister who lives 8 hrs away from me.  I get the occasioanal text, I answer but they don't text back.
I have colon and liver cancer, I am not contagious, you can't get it through the phone.  Where are the ones I always was there for?
Anyone else loose their friends and family since getting cancer??

Re: Let's discuss how friends and family will help you cope with cancer during the holidays

Posted by moggy on Jan 15, 2016 9:49 am

yup, and am at the point where i dont give a damn,  dogs are much better friends than people are :)

Re: Let's discuss how friends and family will help you cope with cancer during the holidays

Posted by Addie on Jan 15, 2016 9:58 am

Dear Maberlor. I don't know , but it may be possible that your family and friends are distant because they don't know how to deal with you right now. Have you tried to reach out to them when you want to talk to them? If one keeps a consistant line of communication open, I find people are more comfortale and at ease with you. If that doesn't work than stick with those who are receptive and upbeat, and if you need help ask for it and be specific. I wish you well.