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Oral Cancer
Ilse58
7 Posts

It's been quite a while since I have posted any updates on my husbands treatment. He finished 8 chemo treatments and 35 radiation treatments a week ago. It was a tough go for him and he was not able to finish the last 3 chemo's due to low blood counts. He was hospitalized once for pneumonia and treated at home again recently for it again as he did not want to spend another week in the hospital and the doctors agreed with his choice. I am so glad he has a Peg Tube as eating or drinking has not been happening until just the last few days when Gatorade is being tolerated in his mouth so he has been able to keep his weight stable for now even though he has lost close to 60 pounds during since March. Things are quiet at home now that treatment is done for now. Some days its just so lonely as many of you can relate. I think I had my expectation set way to high with his family as they just have no contact with me. They will text him but in no way are supportive in caring for any thing to help out. It took me months of anger to get my head wrapped around this but I have finally come to realize that it doesn't bother them in the least its only making me upset so I have to get on with whats important. I have a great social worker and friends I speak to as well as my children. His next appointments are for scans near the end of January so we will see where we go from there. Thank you all for your support

5 Replies
Brighty
8442 Posts

@Ilse58 thank you for updating us

Brighty
8442 Posts

@Ilse58 sorry I posted by accident without finishing. Im so sorry your husband's family is being so hands off. I had the exact same thing with my fiance's family. They were just hands off and didnt seem to care. It could be that they couldn't handle the reality of the situation, and think by avoiding it, it doesnt exist. That was their way of coping I think. I have since forgiven them. But if it bothers you, you might want to give a call to them and have a honest heart to heart with them and see what's up. . Im glad you have support with your own family and social worker . I pray for a speedy recovery for your husband after all his treatment and everything he endured. I wish him the best with the January scans, and be sure to update us. Do you know when he will be able to get the peg tube removed? Keep in touch with the dietitian and nurse regularly as to how to get his weight back up….hugs to you both and be in touch.

Brighty
8442 Posts

@Ilse58 i have a confession to make…. It bothered me immensely when my fiance's family wanted nothing to do with us during his cancer. I was very passive aggressive about it. Id make comments to my own family like ‘must be nice to play golf all day and go to restaurants while your son is sick’. " my mom couldn't stand it any more how angry and sick about it I was. She called up his dad and brothers and yelled at them that they better step up and pitch in. They did after my mom was done with them. Probably not the ideal way to do it, mind you. But in any event, if its eating you up inside have an honest chat with them and let them know how you feel. Like I said, avoiding could be their coping mechanism, but have an honest hear to heart chat never the less.

Ilse58
7 Posts

Thanks Brighty my chat with the family gave me my answers. They are not able to help as they see me as quite capable of handling it and if I need extra help then I am to get a PSW. So I have my answers and will deal with what comes. He has an appointment on January 7th to replace his Peg Tube.

Brighty
8442 Posts

@Ilse58 omg. Im grinding my teeth now. Im so sorry. Really? His own family???? Well at least you know what type of people you are dealing with. I hope there are others that you can ask. Sometimes good friends can be a substitute for neglectful family. Id wash my hands of them. Yes, you might be capable, but this is not something for one person to do alone without support. You have out suppor here totoo, dont forget that.

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