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What a ride

What a ride

Posted by Judy101 on Jul 31, 2020 2:25 pm

I found a lump under my ear around February 2020 just when the globe shuts down because of a pandemic. I am in long term disability because I view the world completely different than the norm- doctors judge me to be “delusional” not because I see pink bunnies but rather because I’m educated in programming and system design and recognize all our man made systems like justice, government, medical, economic systems are designed to harm humans not benefit us - naturally doctors will call me crazy lol. So now I have cancer and dependent on medical doctors and they are driving me crazy which drives me to smoke while smoking is causing this cancer. 

cancer research states a changed lifestyle affects cancer, yet cancer centre isn’t following any sound research.  My frustrations 
1- no counselling to help change lifestyle only therapy to help deal with deadly radiation 
2- no dietitian to help change lifestyle only diet for when you get radiation 
3- refusal of testing unless I agree to radiation
4- zero knowledge about anxiety which I deal with when near doctors yet do nothing to help during first appointment 
5- they told me stress doesn’t affect cancer
6- they insist on telling me “the truth” while they admit they ignore treatments known to cure

not a fan of how our medical system is reacting to this “ pandemic “ hospitals are all empty and they are rejecting people like me aka cancer patient. 

I’ve been following the advice of a Naturalpath and the supplements are shrinking the lump but it’s still here. I did start smoking when family pressured me into a stressful visit, devastating when family destroys your healing path insisting their path is the direction I should be taking. Before family pressure I was in the best health of my life, I’m 62. I had quit smoking and started running and felt amazing. I’ve stopped smoking yesterday but my muscles are freaking out, started with my left leg and next day right shoulder and side with the lump- pretty freaky how that happened.

I’ve never eaten so much in my life yet not gaining any weight. Zero sugars or carbs. I find meditation really affects the size and density if this lump. After 5 hours meditation a day lump is soft and smaller - really hard to meditate that long, eat 5 meals a day, physically work out and still do shopping and cleaning but that’s my goal. 

I don’t know who to trust, I’m pressured to get radiation yet the side effects are deadly. I’m 100% against current medical reactions to health problems as I see our medical system is profit driven not health driven. I went through an extremely traumatic divorce and when seeking medical help they judged all that abuse to be “delusions” it never really happened in their world. Instead of helping me they basically diagnosed me with every severe mental illness like - delusional, paranoid, personality disorder, bi-polar basically schizophrenic. The Canadian medical system refused to even give me counselling saying they don’t have anyone educated enough to help me lol - it’s been a wild ride. I take zero medication, it’s been  15 years with this diagnosis and nobody in my daily life would judge me to suffer from a mental illness. I do isolate myself from people in general because my different perspective of reality is offensive to others - the more our world gets worse economically  and environment gets more toxic people tend to relate more to my perspective. However it is challenging dealing with medical professionals as they refuse to receive information than offer medical advice which is usually physically harmful to me. 

Very disappointed in all that cancer donations and our medical system is ignoring the research that cures cancer. Zero mental health support, zero diet support, zero financial support yet they raise billions and I’m listening to a cancer doctor telling about the lavish lifestyle she leads pushing her radiation treatment while absolutely detached from the reality she’s dealing with a real human. This is a medical doctor who is well informed I deal with extremely anxiety near doctors and she refused to give me something for our first meeting. First 39 minutes of our 1 hour appointment was all about how she didn’t want to give me something than she says “your wasting my time “ so I said go then, say what you’ve gotta say - she spews stuff than looks like she’s asking me a question and again I had to tell her I can’t hear anything you are saying and there is no way I would answer anything in that state of mind because my mind is not functioning while in that level of anxiety. She throws her hands up and orders nurse to give me some which you know didn’t have enough time to actually calm me down enough for a productive meeting. The way they treated me was torturous and they want to radiate me. I want tests done to see how well MY direction is working and they will only do testing their f I agree to radiation- they clearly aren’t concerned for my life as testing should be something they want to ensure it’s not getting worse. How do you trust a medical professional who is 100% focused on her personal profits and high lifestyle while not recognizing me as a living human being? I am not getting the feeling they want me to live, rather they accept cancer kills so it’s not their responsibility to save lives just get rich off harming me more.