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Caregiving for my Sister
nicks333
1 Posts

Hi everyone. I am here because I am a primary caregiver for my older sister, T, who has terminal breast cancer (HER2+). She was diagnosed in March 2020 and we are in the final stretch it seems. I studied medicine so I am a support to her in many ways, through every appointment, clinical trial, chemo change...

Lately, I'm feeling like the ground is slipping out from under me. I fear the worst day of my life is about to happen and I don't know how I'm going to get through it. She is my best friend. I'm looking for support because I need people who get it, not just people who try to understand.

5 Replies
supersu
1579 Posts

@nicks333
good morning.

what a wonderful sister you are.
it must be such a comfort for T to have you by her side during her cancer story.

I have 3 sisters and know, that indeed, sisters do make the best friends. clearly, your T, is a gem.

I agree with you 100%, it is great to have folks that ‘get it’. everybody here has walked this walk.
I have been both a caregiver and a cancer patient. I always say, caregiving was the ‘harder’ gig. BIG BIG thanks to you for your loving care.

let us know how things move along for your family. if you would like some suggestions for resources, let us know.

hugs
su

#caregiversupport #cancerinthefamily

JenG
282 Posts

@nicks333 caregiving is a tough slog. not only are you supporting your sister in every way, you are trying to support yourself and you‘ve used up most or all of your energy on your sister!

i get it, i was a caregiver for my mom.

do you have someone to talk to? friend, family or therapist? that will help. are you able to get away, for a walk or some time for yourself? i burned out and had to take time off work after my mom died. turns out i’m not superwoman even though i am a super woman. ;) Like you, i bet!

take some deep breaths. find ways to support yourself too. and we are always here.

warm hugs,

jeng

Skye2
341 Posts

@nicks333
I’m so sorry for you and your sister. It is so hard for ALL of you.
When I had just become a nurse, I was caregiver for my father who had terminal cancer. The emotional roller coaster was exhausting and I struggled with feelings of guilt, anger and sadness.

After he passed, I’m sure I cried every day for over a year. I was 25 years old. I’m 61 years old now, having had both kidney cancer and bilateral breast cancer in the last 3 years, and I can say that my family’s support was crucial when I was in treatment. I’m sure your sister is thankful you are there. Now, for me, 36 years later, I feel privileged to have cared for my Dad, to have shared that time with him. It is all so bittersweet… I hope you know how special you are. I know your sister does…

Sue

Trillium
2371 Posts

@nicks333 - you have found a great place with many kind people who will support you through this. I’m sorry for all you are going through right now. Anticipatory grief can be so hard. I read this idea about grief recently and it sure hit home for me.

Richard E Grant, said that grief is always with us. Sometimes it’s sad, and sometimes it’s beautifully human. Mostly, it’s both.

Big warm hug for you on this January day if you want one.❤️‍🩹

@nicks333 - I know how hard it must have been to be the primary caregiver and be the sister and friend.
To recognize (knowing how hard it is to) that it may be time to take off the caregiver hat and just be that wonderful sister and friend that you have been and are with the time you have together and that is OK to spend that time just…being there.
Our thoughts are with you and your sister.

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