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Maxers76
1 Posts

Hello everyone. I am an adult daughter of a parent who was just diagnosed with terminal liver cancer. It is hard because my dad lives in a different province from me. I am trying to figure out how to support him and my mom (his primary caregiver) from afar.

4 Replies
JenG
221 Posts

@Maxers76 hi there. I’m sorry to hear about your dad. I helped my brother care for my mom with her stage 4 lung cancer diagnosis (she died in Dec). She lived in Montreal, he lives down the street and I live in SK. Lots of traveling on my part, especially at the end. That was my choice and she really didn’t want to go into a seniors home.

Before she needed round the clock care, I came once a month to help out. When I was at my home, I did things like ordered her groceries for delivery and prescriptions from the pharmacy. I ordered things from Amazon if she needed them too.

What sort of supports does your dad have right now?

Not everyone can travel like I did and it was also a ton of work. So it’s not for everyone. Other people help organize help for their parents or be on the phone for appointments so they can be an advocate for their parents.

It’s a tough road for sure. Feel free to ask us anything and share as you feel comfortable.

take care,

jeng

supersu
1369 Posts

@Maxers76
good morning and welcome here. this is a great place to get support as a caregiver and family member of someone who has cancer.

@JenG has shared some great ideas on how to support your dad from afar.
does your mom have any needs/wants that you could help out with? supporting her will in turn support him. the primary caregiver is often forgotten in the busy of a cancer story…..I have heard them called the ‘invisible patient.’

with all the technology available it is a bit easier to stay in contact with loved ones who are out of range. if daddio is able, a zoom chat might be welcome?

I love to have food to go delivered for a treat for my far flung family members in care. uber eats or door dash are great sites to find pizza or chicken soup for home/hospital delivery! my dear old dad taught me: #foodisLOVE

sending all the best to you and your family. I know it is hard to be a caregiver, even harder, in my opinion, to be off site.

hugs from over here.
su

#caregiversurvivaltips #longdistancecaregiving #cancerinthefamily #welcomenewmember

Cynthia Mac
4127 Posts
Hi, Maxers76‍ . I cared for my Dad when he had lung cancer that metastasized to his liver. I was only a 10 minute drive away, so I’m not sure how much help I can offer, but I do recommend that, if they’re at all into technology, make the most of that wherever you can - do those video calls, even get creative with them — some people play cards and other games on line.

You might want to plan ahead so you have things in place if you’re needed to visit them on short notice or if your mom needs you to come and help care for your dad. I’m not suggesting that you keep a bag packed or anything, but you might want to disburse some of your work with colleagues or bring other people in on a project for a while so you can get away if you must.

The cancer society has a community services locator at csl.cancer.ca where you can put in their city and find resources in their area.
JenG
221 Posts

Hi @Maxers76 I‘m in SK. I helped to look after my mom who was in QC. It’s so hard trying to care for someone from far away. I did things like grocery orders and prescription, Amazon orders, that kind of thing. And I visited as much as I could. Encourage your parents to get help now (home care, respite care for your mom so she gets a break, cleaning, etc) even if they think they are managing. Does your dad have a palliative care team or home care already in place? If it’s helpful, you can be in on doc appointments via phone or FaceTime. Please reach out any time. I’m not super familiar with SK home care or supports (but ask me about QC!! Lol!) but am happy to help as I can.

Take care of you too!

jeng

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