+ Reply
Log in or Register to participate in these discussions
Supportive Friend
Hi all, my name is Michelle. My very good friend was diagnosed with ES-SCLC with mets to his bones and liver in February 2022. He finished 1 round of chemo-immunotherapy a month ago, and was set to start monthly maintenance chemo; however on Monday, new lesions were seen on his liver and bone, and the tumour in his lung has gotten a bit bigger. Needless to say, he is feeling defeated and "like this is the beginning of the end".

I have been doing my best to be a good friend. I check in with him often but try not to make his cancer the focus of every conversation. I want him to feel like he can be as normal as he wants to be around me, because as so many of you know, cancer takes up about 98% of his life right now.

Anyway, I joined to learn how to be as good a support as I can be, and to deal with my own grief.

Thanks!

Michelle
3 Replies
Sadie12
185 Posts

Welcome @Nursenugget

Your friend is lucky to have you. Having a supportive friend can make a huge difference in a cancer survivor's life. I am a cancer survivor, so I know this is true.

I hope you find support here as you walk alongside your friend through this. There are people here on all sides of the cancer story.

Perhaps your friend might also find support here, assuming he doesn't already.

Sadie

supersu
1168 Posts

@Nursenugget

WOW! what a great friend you are…..

a cancer diagnosis is a ‘funny’ thing….friends who I thought would be supportive can be distant and quite frankly absent; while some of the least expected acquaintances step up 100%.

it is very scary to contemplate supporting someone who is ill.
who knows where this story will take you both? who knows how much of your heart will be broken? on the flip side who knows how much joy & love you will share in these very special moments. I called caregiving the best/worst ‘job’ I ever had.

I get the sense from your post that you are a long time, true blue friend. I was a caregiver for my spouse many many years ago….and we had one rule. no cancer talk at the dinner table….ever. it was def the one and only time of the day when cancer wasn't the sole focus. as a patient, it is nice to have someone you can just shoot the breeze with, and not have to talk about the big C!!!

there are some great programs for caregivers available thru Caregivers Alberta & Wellspring. I wish I had those resources when I was in the thick of it. thx to COVID most of it is available online, so no matter where you are you can access the information.

sending my positive vibes to you both; we are here 24/7.

cheers/hugs
su

#welcome #cancerconnectioncommunity #caregiver #truebluefriend

RBION
109 Posts

Hi @Nursenugget and welcome - the fact that you have found us here is a testament to your desire to do what you can to support your friend as well as your self. Good for you! Not focusing solely on cancer is a big part of being a good supporter imo. Doing what you can to maintain some kind of normalcy helps so much. I'm a caregiver to my husband and we would often go for walks or bike rides. As his disease progressed, we would adjust our walks and bike rides to whatever distance he could manage. Sometimes we had friends join us and the outings felt the same as they did pre-diagnosis, even though they got shorter and shorter. My husband and I have always appreciated those who we can be around where cancer can be in the background and regular events can carry on.

Wishing you the best as you walk this path.

Rbion

+ Reply