+ Reply
Log in or Register to participate in these discussions
Introduction post - 36 years old with melanoma

Hi everyone, thanks for reading

I'm overwhelmed emotionally and am starting to express myself

I found a tumor on my back a couple months ago and last week I was diagnosed with melanoma. We did not catch it early so the growth was over 4mm thick and I'm past stage 1. The things they're telling me about the likelihood of spread are extremely worrying. I have a 9 year old son with autism who really needs me in his life…

I'm getting a CT scan tomorrow and more tests later this week. Physically I'm feeling a lot of symptoms but the biggest challenge right now is mental: I know it's bad but I don't know how bad

I had a meeting at work today and someone said something really nasty and upsetting about how this has been affecting my work

This might be my low point. Test results might yield the little bit of good news I'm still holding out hope for

I don't know what else to say right now, I expect to go through a new set of emotions after getting my test results

9 Replies
8442 Posts

@AdequateDuck im so sorry you find yourself going through this. Nasty co worker comments are not what you need on top of a cancer diagnosis. A lesson in compassion would be a course some people should be forced to take !! I hope a treatment plan will be laid out for you soon, as soon as CT scan results are analyzed………I'm glad you posted here and confided in us. Do you have any support at home for yourself? How about support in terms of looking after your son while you go through treatment? The social worker at the cancer center would be a wonderful person to talk to about your fears and feelings…as well as have suggestions on where you can turn to for support. I'm going to introduce you to people with a similar diagnosis you can connect with. @DMacK who is close in age, then there is @Terri1982 , @sgt. pepper. @DMT and @mc2 . Hope you find the support you seek here.

25 Posts

Hello @AdequateDuck,

I just want to say your emotions are 100% normal. You will go through ups and downs the first bit and it's all so normal. Try not to Google if you can because its lots of dated info. Use the melanoma network of canada website and aim at melanoma for all current and up to date info. Im 39 with a 7 yr old daughter, I feel you. I was 37 and stage 2b 3mm and went to stage 3c 15 months later. If it's in your lymph nodes, you will get treatment. If its not, you will have a choice for treatment keytruda or just surveillance. Im currently on treatment (taf/mek) and it's going very well. The treatment options nowadays for melanoma are unreal and do work. Feel free to reach out with any questions. Im happy to chat. I've been in your shoes.

82 Posts


Our journeys are all different and so was my diagnosis but I can relate to the emotional turmoil that comes with ‘absorbing’ the news and the worry of caring for a child. My daughter was starting kindergarten a week or so before my surgery. Remember that cancer research has lead to great strides in treatment. Take one day (or one minute) at a time. Whatever can help you get through it. I did seek help from this forum and also went to see a psychologist and both were super helpful. Thinking of you. (ps: I am almost 3 years after ‘the news’ and it has already started to be a big blur as a distant part of my past).

2272 Posts

@AdequateDuck Hello and welcome from ON…..we are all here to support you.

I have a different cancer woe….BUT I do have TWO sons with Autism…..so trust me; I Get It!

The worry….the behaviours…..and more…..

I am also in ONT…and I have LOTS of ideas to offer, to help for your son, while you are focusing on you! (and your health).

I will send you a private message…..(an email really)…with ideas for Funding, Respite, Camp, School support and more…..if he is well cared for…..this is ONE less stressor for you…

I did NOT tell my sons, about my Cancer…..one would understand; one would not. I did say the word “Surgery” and tried to explain all the upcoming appts that I would have….with little detail.

Good luck for CT scan Wed…we are thinking of you….the medical stress…comes in waves…..this one will “settle”…and once your treatment plan is in place….you feel the “control” back (a bit).



Hi everyone. I appreciate your replies. It feels helpful to hear other people's experiences and at the same time it's overwhelming because it brings the reality home.

I was reading other discussion posts and I thought about how wonderful it was to see the way that the community here helps people connect with others experiencing similar things. It's powerful. I'll need some time to see how I manage to take advantage of the opportunities here. Thank you all for your time and your thoughts. I'm wishing you and your families all the best.

i have a different cancer, but I totally understand the emotional roller coaster you are on. I’m so sorry you are going through this. I can say it will get better, waiting was the hardest part for me. I just had my first treatment today and my spouse said on the ride home that I am so much more relaxed. I am only focusing on one day at a time and trying to be grateful for something every day.

I am in Ontario and my team has arranged for a psychological assessment. I was told the government will pay for intake and 6 sessions. I also had a visit from a social worker at my last visit and she was so knowledgeable about many different programs not only for the patient, but families as well. It may be worth looking into.

39 Posts


I’m sorry you find yourself here. I have a different type of cancer but I completely understand the worries of having a child with extra needs, how this will affect your ability to care for them, and what will happen if you were no longer here. It’s so stressful. My daughter has Down’s Syndrome and I am a single parent.

Do you get respite? Have an Adult Community Service Worker? I’m not sure what province you are in but the Cancer Care Social Worker should be able to point you in the right direction.

I’m out here if you need someone to chat to.

26 Posts

Stay strong - easier said than done of course.

I agree - the range of emotions on a day to day or hour to hour basis is like a roller coaster.

4 Posts


I’m 31 with a 7 month old at home (and also used to be a respite worker for children with autism) so I completely understand the fears and worries! Its definitely tough and like others said, normal for the worry to come and go. People on this support network made me feel better so I’m glad you came and made a post!

+ Reply