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Loss
Lvcats39
1 Posts
Hi. My name is Karen Jansen. I just lost my sweet husband July 31st. 😢
I'm a cancer survivor. I'm having a difficult time with my recent loss. Phil was a loving, caring man. I tried to look after him but he was getting worse. With a heart, I had to get him into a hospice. He went to the hospice on July 26th and he passed away on July 31st. I'm beyond hurt 😞. I'm hoping that I can get grief counseling.
10 Replies
Trillium
1485 Posts

@Lvcats39 - Hello Karen. I’m so sorry for your loss of your husband. I’m glad you landed here with us though because as a cancer survivor who lost a spouse you will read that unfortunately you are not alone on this path. You will meet @Kuching and others who have also walked down this path. Every hospice provides grief counselling which I hope you can connect to as soon as you are up to it.

Here is the Coping With Grief Group Link. You can read the posts now but need to join the group to post yourself.

Healing hugs

Trillium

Whitelilies
1413 Posts

@Lvcats39 Hello Karen…..I am sorry, for the loss of your husband, Phil. Your loss, is so very recent, so raw. I do hope you can arrange grief counselling (as mentioned earlier)….they are skilled and helpful….perhaps they know of further supports, should you need it.

Lean On Us Karen.

Whitelilies

(I am in ON too)

Kuching
317 Posts

Hi @Lvcats39 Karen. I’m so sorry. I lost my husband to pancreatic cancer 18 months ago, while also dealing with my own lung cancer diagnosis, so I know a little bit of what you are going through. It was almost a year before I could think about all the good times we had, rather than just the last few awful months. And even now, I sometimes get knocked for a loop by some silly little thing.

You did really well to look after him at home right up to the last few days. It can’t have been easy.

There is no shortcut to grief. You just have to ride it out, let it flow. It will eventually get better, even though that may seem hard to believe at the moment. I hope it gives you a little bit of comfort to know that there are others on this site who have walked in your shoes, and understand what you are going through. Let me tag @WestCoastSailor, who also lost his spouse to cancer.

Dave58
88 Posts

@Lvcats39 Hi Karen. I'm so sorry for your loss. With a heavy heart I can only say that the hurt you're going through must be almost unbearable. I will, and others I'm sure will add you to our prayer lists.

One day when You feel up to it I hope you tell us more about your husband. He sounds like someone I would have liked to have met and would like to get to know him through you.

We're here for you through the good and we'll never slip away during the tough times.

NormRay
40 Posts

@Lvcats39

I am so sorry to hear of your recent loss of your husband Phil. I hope you are able to get the help you need very soon to cope with this unbearable grief. This is a great place to come to get advice from others who have gone through similar situations, or just to vent. Everyone I have encountered here have such warm and caring hearts and are willing to help in any way they can. You are not alone.

Norm

Baxter
1 Posts

Hi Karen (@Lvcats39), I'm so sorry for your loss. I too just lost my loving, sweet husband on Aug. 3rd. It's so hard. He had neuroendocrine cancer and we lived that journey for almost 3 years. I highly recommend grief counselling. I have a social worker in Toronto who I see who is really good. Happy to pass along the name if I'm allowed to do that on this site (I am in Toronto - she is in Forest Hill - not sure where you are). I am also hoping to join a grief group through Bereaved Families of Ontario but I don't think they are operational right now due to Covid (I have called twice and no one has gotten back to me) but on their website it looks like they have groups based on type of loss and even divide the groups depending on age (i.e., spousal loss under 55). Take care - one day at a time. If I think too far ahead, I'm debilitated from our loss, the gravity of the situation and how it has changed our futures (I have twin 16 year olds). So I try and focus on living in the moment and getting through each day. It sounds like a cliche but that's all I can do.

Rab0131
26 Posts
Lvcats39‍ Hi,
I am truly sorry for your loss!
I lost my husband to glioblastoma in December 2019, our boys were 18 and 16 at the time. I wish I could give you some advice but each person’s grief journey is different. The days turn into nights and the nights turn into days, it was a blur for me for quite a few months. Almost 2 years out and I sometimes can’t believe that it happened, I miss him and some days I ache for him. But you will get through it and look back and wonder where you got the strength to get up each morning and keep on living. I would like to say it gets better but really you just learn to live with it. I am sending you strength & love for you and your family❤️
Brighty
7363 Posts

@Baxter ‘Evergreen’ has a grief group. I think I they are doing ot on line. I'll get you the number. That's where I went..they are wonderful . They're in Markham Ontario. North of Toronto.

Cynthia Mac
3299 Posts
Lvcats39‍ , I, too, am sorry for your loss, and encourage you to seek out grief counselling. It isn’t for everyone - I had a neighbour who went to a couple of sessions when she lost her spouse, but she said it wasn’t for her - but, at least you can try it.

I lost my Dad last year, and I struggled more than I ever would have expected, but the good folks here helped me through it, so I’m glad you’ve found Cancer Connection.
Emgee
31 Posts

Hi Karen, I am a widow too. I was able to get some grief counseling and it helped a bit. I hope you have some friends and family who realize it helps just to phone you now and then, and be good listeners. It’s so hard to grieve alone, and there is no time limit for grief 💔

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