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Son who’s Mother is coping with cancer.
Deviandsad
3 Posts
Hi there, new to this site. My Mother has cancer and I just want to know how others cope with this.
7 Replies
Rab0131
10 Posts
Hi, you don’t mention how old you are so it’s difficult for me to respond to your question. My two sons were 18 & 16 at the time their father was battling cancer. It was a very difficult time for us but they managed to stay focused on their studies and talk openly about it with their friends. And now they are again faced with this disease with me, their mother. The only advice I can give you is to be there for your mother and talk to her about your fears. You are not alone in this!
Whitelilies
1200 Posts

@Deviandsad Hello and welcome to our caring community…..so glad you reached out to us….I am sorry to hear your mother has cancer….there are many ways for you to cope and help her….first and foremost; be there….in body; in spirit; in love…..she will “know” and “feel” you care and love her…..talk with her..listen to her…..ask her “What can I do to help?”

Perhaps get her groceries…fill her pantry/canned goods….fill the freezer with easy to defrost “meals”…even lasagna….not sure what she can eat, at this time…..perhaps you can sit together on the porch, park bench…..sunshine, fresh air, nature; all healing.

For you to cope…..please care for yourself….this means also; go for a walk…seek out the social worker, at her hospital, if you need to get more resources….every hospital ought to have one on staff…perhaps: www.wellspring.ca has some support programs, in your province, for yourself; for your mom.

Perhaps she needs a ride to appointments, treatments etc…..this is helpful….and relieves her stress.

Keep sharing with us….we are here to support you…and your mom.

Regards

Whitelilies

Cynthia Mac
3229 Posts

Hi @Deviandsad , there are many aspects to cancer, and many aspects about how to cope with it. My Dad had lung cancer.

it’s hard for me to know what it is that’s causing your coping “issues” (for lack of a better word), and some days, that can change with the wind.

As @Whitelilies said, self care for caregivers is important (and you are a caregiver now), so make sure you always carve out a little time to do what you need to keep yourself and your stamina afloat, whether it’s a half hour soak in the tub, 15 minutes with a good book, or an hour’s worth of “retail therapy.”

Another suggestion is to let your mom call the shots, or “lead the dance.” If she’s very independent and wants you to maintain your independence, try and respect that. If she needs to lean on you with her concerns about her disease, try and do that for her. But, be prepared to set some boundaries if you need to. (For example, I’ve heard stories where the parent becomes VERY dependent on their child(ren). The caregiver has to set boundaries so the parent doesn’t take advantage by having the kid(s) do things the parent/ patient is quite capable of doing.)

You can ask any questions you need here, and we’ll try and direct you to answers if we can’t give them ourselves.

Deviandsad
3 Posts

In my 40’s so bit of a different situation.

law1
511 Posts

Hello @Deviandsad

Your feelings are succinctly expressed and my empathy vibes are sent to you and your Mother. It is not easy to deal with cancer of loved ones, yet your supportive presence is an important rock for her and for you as well.

Have you sought support from the Cancer Centre?…. as there are qualified counsellors and educational materials which may be of interest to you both.

This site has a ‘Resources’ section listed in the yellow bar atop this page. and, there is also a toll-free number which connects you directly with staff. 1-888-939-3333 ALL inquiries are handled.

Please avail yourself of any light which will illuminate the tunnel.

law1

Deviandsad
3 Posts

Thanks, it’s nice to get some words of support sent my way. I have spoken to a counsellor who actually recommended this sort of group. 😊

Trillium
1367 Posts
Deviandsad‍ - Just want to offer you a warm welcome too. There are many of us caregivers here who know the shock, sadness and uncertainty that comes with a cancer diagnosis. What kind of cancer does your mom have? Do you have family members that you can lean on for support?

Below you will find a link to the Canadian Cancer Society (CCS) site that talks about being an adult caregiver for a parent. The second link is to a thread where many people in your situation are talking about what their experience is like.

For me I found being a part of a support group was the most helpful as we went along. My son was 40 when diagnosed with stage 3 testicular cancer at the end of January 2020.

https://www.cancer.ca/en/cancer-information/living-with-cancer/your-relationships-and-cancer/adult-children-of-parents-with-cancer/?region=on

https://cancerconnection.ca/discussions/viewtopic/35/57052#coping-with-a-parent-s-diagnosis-

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