Since you have been through this before, try to remember the coping mechanisms you used the first time around. Who did you turn to? Did you join a support group, or reach out to a family member for help? These coping strategies are likely to work again to some degree the second time around.
I'm so sorry your wife is in so much pain. Has she been given any pain meds by her oncologist? I'm glad you came here to vent. This is a very supportive community and we will do our best to help you get through this.
Each of us are similar and different - we so appreciate the uniqueness of every member. Some of the ways we are similar help to connect us , maybe answer a question or at the very least , help us feel not so alone.
What a special and loving husband you are that you have reached out here. You mentioned bone pain and I wondered if palliative care is involved. They can often help with pain management and assist with what to expect as you travel this journey together.
You might find the Caring for Someone With Cancer forum helpful:
Caring for someone with cancer (all cancers) - CancerConnection.ca
Thank you for posting - it just may offer some help to someone else.
We are here.
It’s a stereotype, I know, but I know what you mean about wanting to be “the fixer.” I lost my “fixer” (my Dad) almost a year ago. It IS hard to see their quality of life deteriorate, and wish there was something I could do to help you. There are some things, though, that are simply “over our pay grade” and those we have to either turn over to a higher power or turn our attention to making good the things we can for them.
One of the things we can do is to make sure we know, very clearly, what they want - now and in the future. One member on the site made a commitment to “make every day special” by doing something random - like bringing in a rose from the flower garden, or slipping a little note under the edge of her luncheon plate - I suspect you could be very good at this. As for me, Dad had made almost all of his wishes known, so when his time came, we knew almost everything he wanted. That paves the way for a few moments of ease on an otherwise difficult path. My experience with Dad led me to create my own “legacy plan.” Perhaps these suggestions will be helpful.
Sorry to hear about your wife…we always pray for hope, so I will pray for her and you. thanks for sharing and keep the faith. I'm always the fixer as well, but now have to pass off into someone else's hands to get answers and best treatment plan. Talk soon,
Thank you so much for my post. I feel like you are my husband venting. I am sure he has the same thoughts, although he hides it well
I am the wife with stage 4 breast cancer. Tumours aren't growing but aren't shrinking either. I am tired of being tired and pissed off I can't do what I used to.
I hope I live long enough to see my children have babies and hold those future grand children but I don't know what this terrible disease has in store for me.
Men are fixers... and you can't fix this. You feel helpless and you are watching your loved one suffer.
As the cancer patient, we feel worse for you than we do for ourselves. We don't want you to suffer and we don't want to leave you sooner than we should, and we know you are frustrated you can't help but have to sit back and watch.
Embrace the 'stable'. Adjust the plan.
Here is a link to my story. It might help you and your wife.