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Caregiver to 3
Banker2288
1 Posts
Hi I’m Jennifer,
Since March 2020 both of my parents have been diagnosed and on the same day my mom received her final chemo my husband have been diagnosed with cancer as well.
Dad has prostrate cancer and the treatment has left him with irreversible bladder issues and he is now on a permanent catheter. Surprisingly he is doing very well with all of this. And his latest results show he’s cancer free. My mom was the one that accompanied him to all of his appointments.
Then My mom had a minor car accident Sept 2020 and about 10 days after the accident she fell and I couldn’t get her up, called an ambulance and through standard tests found her to have liver cancer. She’s had chemo treatments, 2 tumours, 1 responded really well to treatment and the other was not responding as good as they’d like so she had another April 8.
Mom and Dad live on their own, and we have daily homecare coming in to help Dad with the catheter. I go minimum once a week do the grocery shopping, prescription pickup etc. Because of Covid we have left it to only me going over there to help. I have an amazing sister but she lives in a different province.
On that same day Mom was receiving what we hope is her last treatment we received the news my husband has lymphoma. We are waiting to hear from the Cancer Clinic for next steps.
Of course this is completely overwhelming, I’m trying to come up with questions to ask the doctor about my husband and I’m at a loss.



7 Replies
Roy L.
152 Posts
Hey Banker2288‍ , You have your hands full and I am so sorry to read your post. This is a great place to ask questions, meet awesome people, vent, whatever you need. I have prostate cancer and was a caregiver to my dad who had Hodgkins Lymphoma. I went with him to all his appointments and chemo treatments. Do you know if it is Hodgkins or Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma? Has he had a biopsy? Honestly I am not sure if there is a difference in treatment but check cancer.ca, the web site of the Canadian Cancer Society, it is such a good resource

You will hear from others that can give you more info, but we are all here to help you through this. Please look around the site and post in the different groups and fourms, you will get awesome responses.

My very best to you and all of your family.

Roy
Peace Love Cure
Brighty
6533 Posts
Banker2288‍ I just wanted to drop in and offer some support. Im so sorry... you are going through so much!!! You aren't alone. Do you have close friends, other family members to help ? You might want to reach out to the oncology social worker who is a great resource. Also the cancer info line that can point you in the direction of resources. 1888 939 3333. You have your hands full but we are here to listen and support. You don't have to deal with this alone.
Welcome to the community Banker2288‍ .

As was said, you really have a lot on your plate both within and outside the home and a lot of responsibilities to contend with. I know you mentioned your sister is in another province but is there someone you trust to take some of your to-do list/load off you? As someone who is trying to manage the support of 2 family members, I understand that we all have our limits and capacity to cintinue to put out at these kinds of levels before it takes a toll on us.

I wanted to give you a link to our different cancer types. You didn't mention if it is Hodgkin or Non Hodgkin lymphoma so if you go to this link you can chose the appropriate one
https://cancerconnection.ca/discussions/viewcategory/34

I am glad you took that step and posted. We will support you in any way we can.

Lianne
JustJan
508 Posts
Banker2288‍ , I am so sorry to hear about all you are going through, I cannot imagine how hard this is for you. I am not surprised at all you feel overwhelmed and are just trying to keep all the balls in the air. You have been given some great suggestions from Brighty‍ and Roy L.‍. I hope you can find some time for some self care in order to help preserve both your physical and mental health. You are definitely not alone and we will help support you as best we can.
supersu
143 Posts
WOW WOW WOW
Banker2288
caregiver to 1 is a big job, to be caregiver to 3 is unreal!
your people are so lucky to have you

welcome to this site where there is always someone here for you. lots of lovely folks to connect with. I am glad you found this place.
we can share our experiences, information, or just give you a place to vent or come visit when you need a break

sounds like your husband is your main focus right now-i hope you get your cancer clinic appointment soon
just find a notebook and every time either of you think of something to ask, write it down...small or big all questions are good ones

my spouse had non-hodgkins lymphoma; he was treated with chemo, radiation, and a stem-cell transplant--this was over 20 years ago so I am sure all treatments and approaches are so very different now and of course COVID adds another level of crazy! at the time, we found his disease and the treatments all consuming so we made a 'rule' that the dinner table was a 'cancer free zone'--that is to say, it was the one time/place in our house that we didnt talk about or think about cancer!

I hope you can have your own version of my dinner table and find a place for you especially to have some cancer free space every day -- it makes a difference and remember: you need to keep yourself well to help all of your people!!

big big big hugs to you Jennifer
cheers
su
xoxo
#caregiver #family #COVIDCancer

Boby1511
392 Posts
Banker2288
hi there, That is a big plate.
I don't know about BC but ON has respite services available. They can come do some light cleaning and stuff. Perhaps your parents may qualify. Small help can help lighten the load. Perhaps there is something similar where you are.
Sending you best thoughts.
law
453 Posts
Welcome, Banker2288
Your strength and organizational skills are most likely getting your caregiving in spot-on order (and for 3 !!)------------you need to care for yourself too now it's caregiving for 4!!!). It's really good to take time, even a teeny bit in the day...to de-stress or just zone out at least for a millisecond of time. What are you doing to chill, re-charge, sleep, eat, take care of your household....your drive is admirable and I am so glad you have reached out to this group to support you and introduce you to the varied links on this site.
Keep posting!!!
law
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