Hi,
Dadndaughter , I'm so sorry you've landed here in this "club." I was part of another dad 'n daughter team until I lost my dad last summer to metastatic lung cancer.
Your dad's treatment choices are his to make. When my Dad was given the option of chemo "at his age" (which was 78 at the time), I said to him, "Dad, this is your body, and your choice. If I was pregnant, I'm sure you'd say the same to me." Dad chose the chemo, and that gave me another 18 months or so to spend with him.
There are a lot of things that your dad might want to consider, and you can pass those along to him, if it will help him make his decision
- how is his overall health - if he's active (likes to play golf, putter in his garage, whatever), he might want to opt for the chemo, because he might have the physical stamina for it
- how is his mental health - is he up for this round? Is he tired and ready to move on?
- what does he feel about "such time that we need to make you more comfortable"? My mom was very pragmatic about death and dying, but I know Dad was kind of scared of it.
8 months to a year isn't a great amount of time, and you will need that time yourself to adjust to the new reality facing you, regardless of what your dad decides to do.
I think one of the first steps, regardless of what he chooses to do for treatment, is to make sure his affairs are in order. Having up to date powers of attorney for care and directions for care to his physicians will make matters so much easier for you or your mom/ step mom if your dad gets to a point where he cannot make his own decisions, as my dad did. This is part of several hard conversations about what he wants toward the end. Some people want to be at home if at all possible, some want hospice care, and some actually want to be in hospital (but the pandemic has changed that one!) My parents even had set out which funeral home they wanted, and had purchased their plot and tombstone. Again, these are hard conversations, but they can really pave the way for a smooth transition when the time comes (and each of us will have our time come.)
I would also recommend that if your dad has a financial advisor, he have a good chat with that person. My dad set his finances up so that there was a minimum of estate tax to be paid. He may want to update the title of the house to protect his spouse or a dependent child.
CBD oil isn't for everyone, and it's most commonly used for pain. It didn't work for my dad, but some people get relief from it.
If your dad chooses chemo, nutrition requirements will mostly be to hydrate well, especially around treatment days, and follow the advice of his doctors. My Dad was told to cut out certain antioxidants (turmeric, vitamin C) and prescribed him other supplements to help with his treatment (vitamin B12 and folic acid). Other than that, Dad ate whatever he wanted, which was mostly steak and potatoes.
For now, I think your Dad will be able to communicate when things start failing. My dad started to have issues a couple months before he died when his mind "started to go." I was afraid that he'd developed brain metastasis, but no, it was just his body's way of helping him move on.
Again, I'm sorry that you have to walk this walk, even though it's inevitable that most of us will do so at some point. If there's anything else I can offer or if you have any other questions, please come back and ask.
“When the root is deep, there is no reason to fear the wind.” - Japanese saying
