January 2021 New members

Hello
I have been recently been diagnosed with Kidney Cancer. 

Marye‍ Hello Marye and welcome to our caring community.  Thank you for sharing a bit about your journey.
Here is a helpful link:
https://cancerconnection.ca/discussions/viewcategory/67

I will tag other members, who can hopefully share their experiences, similar to yourself.

Thank you to:
Melodelo‍ 
Dave0037‍ 
Goldfinch‍ 
Much appreciation, to support a new member.

To tag another member, type "@" and the screen name....it turns blue/box, tap, and only they will receive your post.

Regards
Whitelilies

Hello,

My name is John and I'm a caregiver for my wife who has advanced colon cancer at 35. She is being well cared for by her team but is now suffering from a lot of pain and about to start radiation. In the meantime, I'm caring for our two young children at home, mostly alone but with  some support from my wife's parents. I've been coping pretty well up until now but have started to struggle with the weight of it all as my wife's cancer has got suddenly become very aggressive. Would love to hear any similar experiences from anyone who wishes to share anything.

Thanks

elnidojohn‍  Thank you for coming here and having the courage to post.     Wow, you have a lot on your plate and my heart goes out to you.   I was a caregiver to my 42 year old fiance who had stage 4 Esophegeal cancer..............but no covid at the time and no kids.     So your situation becomes that much more complicated.     You reached out to the right place,  because you can only keep up what you are doing for so long without burnout.     How lucky your wife is to have you.       Now, you need some help, some self care,  and some suggestions in order to make things a bit easier for you and your family.      
     I'm not big on lists, but they are helpful...........and  I am, going to suggest a list..........a list of tasks and a list of people who can help.      First and foremost, what needs to get done?     You have cooking, household chores,  kids on line learning and homework,  the kids and your well being.   It's a LOT for one person to deal with.     Who can help?        Meals, can someone cook and deliver for you?   Can someone grocery shop for you?      Can you get a cleaning service in to help with basic household chores and laundry?     Can the kids help out with simple things like basic meals and dishes?       It might help them feel involved and helpful.       
Do you belong to a religious organization or community centre or anything like that?     They might be able to gather troops together to help you out with your needs, deliver meals, shop for you, take the kids for socially distanced walks...or homework.............things like that.       
     How are the kids coping?      A school guidance councellor may be able to talk to them to help them cope with their feelings and fears.    They can give you suggestions for how to manage whatever needs arise for them, emotionally, academically and socially.       The oncology social worker is also an awsome resource to talk to, to cry to, to vent to, and to get resources for help.    They may have an online support group you could join with others going through caring for a spouse with cancer as well as caring for young kids.     The social worker can give you suggestions on how to care for yourself too and how to take breaks so you are able to cope with everything.     
      As well, the pallative care team at the hospital can help with the pain management your wife is experiencing .       They are excellent and many people on the site rave about how wonderful the pallative care team is at pain management.   I hope this helps you so far.   I'm sure others will chime in with their experiences and suggestions.   Don't hesitate to keep reaching out if you need anything.       

elnidojohn‍ Hello and welcome to our caring community.....thank you for sharing your journey, alongside your wife.
Yes....your plate is full....I am so sorry to hear of her pain.......
So many wonderful ideas shared already.....
Also.....Perhaps you can peek at:'www.CCRAN.org
a wonderful site, filled with info, clinical trials, diet, support, meds, side effects and if you can, reach Filomena....she is a wealth of knowledge....you will be glad, you reached her.  She held my hand, through my tough times.  I too am on the colon cancer journey....a tad older than you/your wife (well, probably 20 years, but who is counting?? lol) a shade older.....
Also....at the hospital where she is being treated, there should be a "Patient Navigator".....my hospital l(Toronto) had 2.....they are qualified Nurses, who sole role is to support patients and their loved ones......Nurse for Breast is common...and Nurse, for Colorectal is common.  See if your hospital has this person/role on staff.

It is wonderful that her parents are able to help.......the kids are little and need routines kept!  They need their world the "same".  Hoping grandma and grandpa can do this.

Yourself:  please, take a few minutes, each day, for you....a hot coffee, alone, in car, parked near Tim Hortons...a brief walk, daily......or just ME time.....sit in tub/lock that door.

If mommy is not well, resting etc at home.....perhaps prep a few "mini loot like bags" to give to kids, ie dollarama store....crayons and paper in each bag.....so when mommy is resting...you can bring out the "bags"...and give to your kids, and say mommy wishes she could join in the fun, but please color and think of her as she thinks of you.
They will be happy....

Please keep sharing, posting....we are here....we all have different ideas to support you and your wife.....and we all care.

Warmest regards,
Whitelilies

Hi there! 

My dad had a quick month(ish) battle with fast spreading pancreatic cancer. I am doing a lot better now than I was 1.5 months ago. Weekly counseling and gym sessions have got me back on a good path. Furthering my career I want has also made me so determined. 

Nice to meet you ceso‍ . So very sorry for your loss and what you have been through.      Thsnk you for introducing yourself.     So glad things are starting to look up for you.     What type of career are you pursuing?   Welcome  here .  We will be here to support you.

Just wanted to pop in here and say hi, and thank those who have welcomed me elsewhere. I'm Sam, wife to Paul who has stage 4 metastatic rectal cancer. Long story is in the Colorectal forum, but we're approaching a crossroads and I came here because I'm trying to face up to the fact that I need an outlet in spite of my outward strength through all of this.

So hi, nice to meet you all...sorry the reason sucks! 

Sam

Nice to meet you Sammie59‍ .

I'm glad you found our community. I'd like to introduce you to Laika57‍, WestCoastSailor‍, Brighty‍ who have experience caring from someone with an advanced diagnosis. 

 

Hi Sammie59‍ !!!!!! I think I posted to you yesterday in another section.     Let me see if I can find it.   

Yes Sammie59‍ !! Hi I posted you under a heading called ' intro hubby has Metastatic  colon cancer' I'll try and bring it up here so you can find it. 

Thanks for the tag Lacey_Moderator‍  I don't usually wander into the colorectal section of the site so I might have missed this.

elnidojohn‍

Do I detect a Spanish nest in that nick name? At any rate, I was caregiver for my spouse who died of pancreatic cancer. I read in the other thread that treatment at this point is palliative and that you are struggling with a lot of decisions. Impending death is hard. Hard for the person facing it and hard for the caregivers surrounding them. There are hard questions. She didn't  leave a signed and witnessed will. Fortunately her estate wasn't complicated but there were other hard conversations. Legacy and memorial are important. One of the gifts she left me was a playlist from Youtube that we played at her celebration of life. I describe it as making memories. For me one of my treasured memories from her time in hospice is sharing photos and the video from our wedding. Our anniversary was three days before she died. That we could celebrate this last one together was special.

Introducing children into this is really hard. I recently received a packet of letters written by my mother written fifty years ago. I was seventeen when she died of breast cancer. My youngest brother was six. Sharing the insights from this treasure trove has been immensely satisfying for me.

There is a whole lot of information buried in the "Coping with Grief" group. Part of what you are experiencing is anticipatory grief. Another resource that you may find helpful is https://mygrief.ca and http://virtualhospice.ca also have resources for dealing with palliative decisions.

Feel free to tag me if you have more questions. Know that there are many here who have walked the path that are willing to share the knowledge that they have.

Angus

Brighty‍ im pursuing a career in corrections!! Specifically women incarcerated. 

Oh ceso‍ that is awsome!!!!!! Good for  you!!!!! My brother did that for a bit but then went back to teaching.     He helped rehabilite  prisoners who were going back into tbe world.    

Hello

I was diagnosed with skin cancer in 2018, on my right ear.  Fortunately they got it all before it spread., I joined this past December.

Hi, dster2400‍ ,

My mother was a melanoma survivor - many years ago now - so I thought I’d drop by and just let you know that if you ever need support, you’ll find it here on the site.

Hello everyone my name is Dianne.
I am a cancer survivor, I had Renal Cell Carcinoma in 2002. I had my left kidney and adrenal gland removed at Victoria hospital in London Ont. 
After complaining numerous times this past year of severe pain in my shoulder and left arm my Dr. ordered a X-ray which showed a suspicious shadow in my left lung. A CT scan was then ordered that showed that I have 2 blood clots in my right lung and the suspicious shadow in the left lung. I had a PET scan done which came back inconclusive. The Thoracic surgeon in Hamilton had to cancel his video chat with me until next week, as he had numerous surgeries to perform. My family Doctor did not return my call but his  secretary told me I will probably need a biopsy. Since cancer lights up with the sugar injection I had before the scan, I don't understand why the result is inconclusive. Anyone have this kind of result after their PET scan?
 

Hi everyone,

Just quickly saying hello here too.

It's great to meet and connect with you all. I'm really looking forward to participating in this community. 

Welcome RichardMillington‍ 

So glad to have you as part of our community! 😊

 

Welcome to our community dreamweaver‍ 
I am sorry you find your self in this state of uncertainty right now. While I have heard of PET scans being inconclusive before, the reasons for that are not known to me. I thought I would share a link with you from Canadian Cancer Society on PET scans to hopefull fill in some information for you
https://www.cancer.ca/en/cancer-information/diagnosis-and-treatment/tests-and-procedures/positron-emission-tomography-pet-scan/?region=bc




It does mention that not all cancers can be detected that way and that often other tests are performed in conjunction with it for that determination. Maybe that is what will happen for you with the biopsy or another test.

Do you have an appointment for further followup or tests at this point?

Please keep us posted. We are listening

Lianne

Hello Brave New Members,
Reading all of your posts was very uplifting and bittersweet. I am strengthened knowing you have all begun communicating ---- as this site is an Empathy Pill and full of the kindest people who have been directly affected by cancer.
I have not been a caregiver, nor have I witnessed my child dying; neither role could I remotely begin to imagine.
I did beat the brutal cancer of my tongue a couple of years ago, yet I am just now coming to terms with my good fortune.
The older I become (now70), the more I realize how life seems to have its own rules.....most of which I cannot explain.
law

Hello all, 
 I am a caregiver to my 51yr old husband who was diagnosed with stage 3 colorectal late December, It’s been a whirlwind of emotions and appointments since we found out but he had his power port inserted on Friday and this Wednesday will be his first round of Chemotherapy, it feels good to have a plan and we have a great team of doctors so I am anxious to get him started but feel very overwhelmed by the “unknowns” to say the least! Thankfully our children are older and so they know what is happening and can be some support to us both which is great as we moved to Canada 16yrs ago from the UK and we don’t have our family around close by, but luckily they are all only a FaceTime away! 

Blessings to all, Charlie x 

 

Thsnk you for introducing yourself Cec76‍  and welcome! !!!!I'm sorry for your husband's  diagnoses.     As a fellow caregiver I can relate to the emotional  turmoil , the fear of tbe unknowns and the need for support.    I'm glad you have your children  for support and don't  be shy to ask for help and support whenever  and wherever  needed.   We have some awsome caregivers on the site to share experiences as well as some great discussions under 'forums'.   Poke around the site and let us know if you have any questions.    How are you and your husband  coping?    

Thank you Brighty‍, we are trying to take one day at a time but I’m quite concerned for my husband’s mental health, he’s gone from not seeing a doctor from one year to the next to having 3 and lots of information thrown at him! He’s quite a private person and generally doesn’t do well talking about his feelings so this is very hard for him, I’m hoping to get him talking to one of the counsellors at the Cancer clinic but baby steps might be required, I don’t want to push too hard! For a time he didn’t even want me to tell anyone about the diagnosis but I told him that would be too hard for me as I need the support from our friends to get through this too and he seemed to understand that after some time! My mantra is one day at a time! 

C xx