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Welcome new members!

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by MCoaster on Jul 17, 2020 7:59 pm

Cynthia61‍   A notification has just arrived - thank you.   I know that not everyone knows how the system works and may not be able to find replies to their posts and mY feel unheard.  There are several ways to find others with the diagnosis.   One is to enter the type of cancer in Search the Community and a second is in Forums under Cancer Type.

I am so glad that you found the site.   I know it saved my sanity and introduced me to so many knowledgeable and caring people.

Hugs.

MCoaster

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by Tizzie 2020 on Jul 18, 2020 10:47 am

Good to hear from you Cynthia61‍.  Will send you a private message shortly. 

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by JustJan on Jul 19, 2020 9:25 am

Cynthia61‍,

Welcome to the group even though it is not a group anyone wants join. I hope you find compassion and strength here. Like Tizzie 2020‍ I was diagnosed with breast cancer in January 2019 and with serous ovarian cancer just 4 months later. I was 59 at the time. Luckily for me both were stage 1. My genetics testing was fast tracked and I am BRCA1 positive.  I too did carboplatin and paclitaxol as my treatment. I started using the ice mitts and booties at my 3rd treatment and they really helped with the neuropathy. What I had pretty much left after the first use and I was left with just some minor tingling in the ends of my fingers and toes. The tingling went away within a month or so of my last chemo. Like you and Tizzie2020 my worst days were 3 to 8. I started to rebound week 2 and then week 3 I felt pretty decent. Please feel free to reach out if you need anything. 
 
Strength doesn't come from what you can do, it comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn't. - Rikki Rogers

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by Cynthia61 on Jul 20, 2020 8:15 pm

Thank you JustJan‍  for your words of support. It is good to find others with similar experiences. I will definitely stay in touch and reach out as needed!

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by abeillesdepoche on Jul 23, 2020 5:18 pm

Hi everyone,

Earlier this year my dad was unexpectedly diagnosed with stage four cancer. With COVID—as I'm sure you all know—things moved slowly and they weren't able to figure out what the primary was (even after 5 biopsies and a 6th planned) or start treatment before he died last month. I was very close with my dad and I'm devastated. I'm finding it hard to find people to talk to who understand. I have no idea what I need, though I am reading a lot of grief books in an attempt to find out, but I wish I'd found this community sooner. 

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by Brighty on Jul 23, 2020 5:33 pm

abeillesdepoche‍ welcome.   So very sorry for your loss.     You are amongst  people  who understand  and can support you .   If you haven't  already  joined, there is a group here  called  'coping  with grief ' .   We talk about  our grief, our feelings , our  memories  and our coping strategies.    Do you have anyone  to support you or talk to? Would you consider  grief support  group?  You may also want to check out 'my grief.ca' people  find that very helpful.     What is your favorite  memory  of your dad?  
Help is out there. All you have to do is reach out.

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by Elsie13 on Jul 23, 2020 5:35 pm

 abeillesdepoche‍  Glad you have found cancerconnection.  So sorry that your dad died. I think that Cynthia Mac‍ , Brighty‍  and CentralAB‍ might have a good understanding of how you are feeling. 
I was about to suggest the Coping With Grief group, but you have already joined!  (And Brighty already replied!)

Elsie/Elspeth in Montreal
In 2016: diagnosed with stage 2 ovarian cancer. Treatment: hysterectomy, chemo, radiation. Afterwards: No Evidence of Disease!

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by Grieving daughter on Jul 23, 2020 5:42 pm

abeillesdepoche
I just wanted to express my condolences to you. I lost my dad too, from stage 4 bone metasis cancer in October.  He died really quickly too. We weren't expecting him to go that fast. I'm still probably in a bit of shock even 9 months later. Still so much to process. 
I found that I didnt get a lot of sympathy. - - what I mean is, the widow, my stepmom, is the one who doesn't even have to explain to people that she's still in grief. For whatever reason, people don't seem to do that with the adult children who have lost their parent, which adds to the feeling of wanting to scream from the roof I LOST MY DAD EVERYBODY!!!!! DID YOU FORGET?????  People do at first but then it sort of fades away. And you're sort of left walking through this fog. 
So I will just say, I lost my dad too. And it hurts, and it's cruel, and it changes you.  I'm so sorry for your heartbreaking loss. 
Stranger to stranger, I am sending you a really big understanding hug. 

I read/still go to the book called 
"Comfort for the grieving adult child's heart." 
It's an easy and really fitting read. 

​​​​​​Go easy it takes time. I'm here if you want to message directly. 

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by Sew On on Jul 23, 2020 5:44 pm

So sorry for your loss.  Having your Dad die under these circumstances is all the more devastating because you are left with many unanswered questions.  
Firstly you need to give yourself time to grieve.  Reading books about grieving is okay but I would strongly advise you to find and join a Grieving Group. Also continue to post here as there are many folks here who understand and can be supportive to you.
 

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by CentralAB on Jul 23, 2020 6:48 pm

Hello abeillesdepoche‍ Welcome to this site, in some ways I wish we didnt have to "meet" like this, but in other ways we are happy you found us. I am sorry to hear of the loss of your dad. That is such a huge loss, and so much to process. I lost my Dad to leukemia a few years ago and I know what I felt like when that happened. I find myself even now wishing sometimes I could just call him up and chat about handyman stuff. I miss those chats. Can you think of anything that you could share with us that would describe what you think your priority need might be now? There are a number of people here who have been there before too and I am sure you will find at least a few answers that you are looking for.
We will be here for you anytime you need us. There is one topic I can think of right now that you might find helpful called Human Resilience. I started it a while ago to encourage myself, and then realized that others were encouraged by it too.

abeillesdepoche:
Hi everyone,

Earlier this year my dad was unexpectedly diagnosed with stage four cancer. With COVID—as I'm sure you all know—things moved slowly and they weren't able to figure out what the primary was (even after 5 biopsies and a 6th planned) or start treatment before he died last month. I was very close with my dad and I'm devastated. I'm finding it hard to find people to talk to who understand. I have no idea what I need, though I am reading a lot of grief books in an attempt to find out, but I wish I'd found this community sooner. 

 
________________ "there is always a little Light"

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by abeillesdepoche on Jul 23, 2020 7:58 pm

Brighty‍ Thank you for your kind words and recommendations. I do have some family and a very kind partner, but it feels too difficult sometimes to discuss it with them. I have looked into one-on-one grief counselling, but the wait is quite long and I won't be able to speak to anyone until August. I do have an appointment next week with my GP and they will hopefully have some suggestions. I think my favourite memory of my dad is one winter, I heard a great horned owl in the pine tree in our back yard. I ran upstairs to tell him, and he came outside and stood with me and listened. 

Elsie13‍ Thank you so much for your welcome and condolences.

Grieving daughter‍ Thank you for the hug and the book recommendation, I will definitely be picking that up. I'm sorry for your loss, too. I know the fading away feeling, unfortunately. I may take you up on the direct message offer.

Sew On‍ Thank you, I appreciate your welcome and suggestions. I will definitely look into a grieving group.

CentralAB‍ I'm so sorry about your dad. I know that feeling, I find myself wishing I could call my dad often these days. I guess my priority right now is just.. finding someplace like this and being around people who know what I am going through. Also, I can't get over how ridiculous it is that I will never see him again and I suppose I am trying to work on coming to grips with that. Thank you for the topic suggestion and for starting it! I will definitely check it out.

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by Cynthia Mac on Jul 25, 2020 10:04 am

abeillesdepoche‍ , I’m a recent member to the “missing Dad” club, too. My dad passed just on June 26. Even though he had cancer (lung), and I knew to expect this “someday,” Dad had been responding well to his treatments, so it was a surprise to have him pass away from to something else!

Our family lost our mom 3 years ago next month. When she passed away, a lot of things didn’t change - we still called the same phone number, we still visited the house, etc. Now, it has all changed. The phone has been disconnected, and we’re in the process of dismantling his home, and distributing the possessions. And, he’s gone. 

So, I can well appreciate how you are feeling right now.

The one thing I’ve learned is that everyone grieves differently.  And even, when it’s different people. When Mom passed away, I “led the charge” so to speak - I was the one strong enough to speak at the funeral. When Dad passed away, my siblings did all the arrangements, intentionally cutting me out of the planning and implementation, and it was just as well, because I just crashed for those few days. 

Since then, I’ve had to resort to journaling my feelings, and reading my favourite authors to try and get myself back on track. So, I encourage you to try several things:

- journal. You can do this many ways, and for a while, I’d maybe try doing two journals - one for your “dark feelings” around your Dad’s passing, and one for your “light feelings.” Or, just start writing as soon as you get up in the morning to “dump” all those feelings out onto paper - whatever works for you.
- be kind to yourself. You’ve been hit with a “big hurt,” and it can take time to bounce from that. If you want to nap in the middle of the day, and you can swing it, do it. If you need to delegate the laundry to the spouse for a few weeks to give you time to journal, recruit that assistance.
- give yourself time. This is going to take time.
- make good choices. One of my favourite author says, “a thought is a thought, and a thought can be changed.” When we have a sad thought, we can turn it into a happy thought. Example: One of my most prized possessions now is a pepper mill I loved that Mom and Dad had on the dining table for years. Dad and I love our pepper. The first time I used that mill, I cried inconsolably, and after that, I resolved that I need to smile when I look at that piece, because of what it represents. If I allow that piece to bring me to tears every time I use it, it blocks the very joyful memories that are the reason it is so special to me. So now, I smile at it. 

I hope some of these ideas will help you deal with some of what I know you are experiencing. 

Another excellent resource I found years ago was a little paperback book called How to Survive the Loss of a Love. Some of it deals with relationship breakups, but a lot of it deals with any kind of loss as well as the grieving process itself. I found it to be very helpful. Grieving daughter‍ , you might want to look this up as well.
“When the root is deep, there is no reason to fear the wind.” - Japanese saying

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by abeillesdepoche on Jul 25, 2020 10:35 pm

Cynthia Mac‍ Thank you for sharing your ideas, I definitely need to be reminded constantly to do these things. I find I've been sleeping a lot more and I have very little motivation to fully commit to or complete anything most days. I'm very sorry to hear about your dad, as well as your mom. 

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by Cynthia Mac on Jul 26, 2020 7:18 am

Having your motivation leave you is a very common thing, too, I believe, abeillesdepoche‍ . It was just a few days ago, when I looked around my house and thought, “If I don’t get started on this, it’s going to get away on me.” I’d been bringing things home from Dad’s for a couple weeks, and the surfaces in my living room were starting to show signs of overcrowding.

Instead of dealing with it that day, I went down to the basement and had a nap, but since then, I got the floors cleared and got them vacuumed, and dusting is on today’s list of things to do. Inviting a friend over for a visit can be a great motivator!

Keep being kind to yourself,
“When the root is deep, there is no reason to fear the wind.” - Japanese saying

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by hn27 on Jul 27, 2020 4:03 am

Hi everyone!

Firstly, thank you for creating this community to help support each other, as well as learning more about ourselves and what we can do to help others thru difficult times. 

I have had encounters with cancer from immediate or close family members. My grandfather died of lung cancer when I was a teen. My dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer almost two years ago but survived after successful operation (thank god). My wife's uncle had some form of cancer (i did not dare ask) more than a year ago, undergone chemo and beat the odds. Just last week, my mother in law was diagnosed with leukemia, AML M2 to be exact. An unfortunistic time as I am currently away from her to say goodbye to my grandmother who is at the end of life due to Alzheimer's. While trying to maintain my emotions, I was trying to understand more about AML and find people with the same illness so that I can better comfort my wife and also see what I can do to help support my mother in law. 

I have been a guest in the past to the community. This time, I have stopped and am grateful to join as a community member, and hopefully, be able to contribute back as well. 

 

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by MP3 on Jul 27, 2020 10:37 am

Hello!

I am living with a person who has been battling cancer for years.  More specifically, living with and helping him for the past 3 years with his  bladder cancer. I am feeling extremely overwhelmed.  He is so very depressed and very tired.  I am getting depressed as well.

 

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by Lacey_adminCCS on Jul 27, 2020 2:42 pm

hn27‍ 

Welcome back! This is a great place to connect with others who understand. I'm sorry to hear that cancer has touched close to home again. It must be difficult to be away from home right now. So much going on at once, I'm glad you reached out here.

Have you found our leukemia discussion here? I'd like to introduce you to Hsmer1(AML)‍, Bee.‍, Healing2‍ who all have experience with AML- can you folks share any info? We also have this great booklet: Listen First and 9 Other Ways to Support Someone With Cancer.   It has really great practical tips and reminders. 

On cancer.ca we have AML info  here. If you have any questions please let us know.

Has a treatment plan been prescribed?

Lacey




 

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by Lacey_adminCCS on Jul 27, 2020 2:51 pm

MP3‍ - It sounds like it has been a tough three years. That can't be easy.

I'm so glad you are reaching out caregivers need support too! Check out our caregiver discussion forum here. I'd also like to introduce you to jorola‍, Nishi‍, KMitts‍ who are all experience caregivers. 

We have a section on cancer.ca called Taking care of yourself specifically for caregivers. Often times caregivers need a reminder to get back to basics and take care of themselves. Have you heard the saying "You can't pour from an empty cup". It's easy to say I know. Is it possible to get some help at home? Is the person you are caring for in active treatment?

I look forward to hearing back from you,

Lacey

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by jorola on Jul 29, 2020 8:30 pm

Hello MP3‍ 
I apologize for my late reply. I have been out camping with the hubby. I was his caregiver for a few years. He was diagnosed with stage 3b lung cancer and the drs had originally told him that he would not make it 8 months. That was 6 years ago and he he has been cancer free for over 5 years now. Now getting to here was not always an easy road. I have chronic depression so when my husband was diagnosed, I went into a real tailspin. Caregiving can be a real tough job. I am sure you are finding that out. No one means it to be that way. It is just so hard to watch the person you care for (as in emotionally) suffer so badly. You would do anything to trade places with them, even for a day, just to give them a break. But what you do instead is ensure they are as comfortable as possible, they have all their meds, they get to all their appointments and treatments and you try to make the meals they'll eat because their appetite suffers too. On top of all that you try to keep their spirits up because you know if you can do that, half the battle has been won. Of course this is while doing all of the everyday things that need to be done. Am I right? I am tired just remembering it.
What I used to to do, to keep my own spirits and strength up was: take naps ( I'll get to how in a minute), go out to meet friends (or do it virtually now), take a virtual shopping break (even window shop online). go for a walk, read a book. Do you have a hobby? Spend some time doing something you love. That was some of the best advice a dear friend ever gave me. And on a wild stretch. if you can do it, arrange for someone to come in for a whole weekend so you can get away for the weekend. But you see the trend here....all non cancer activities.
Now, I am not sure on your situation, if it is a friend or family member, but are there others that are in a COVID safe bubble as you might say, that can help with caregiving?
I know this is very hard right now, but if there is anyone you can have that can help you - even if it is only for a few hours here and there - if there is, please take them up on it. A caregiver must keep their strength up - specially emotionally. In my opinion and experience, the one way to do that is to get out and recharge. Even if you don't get out, have the other person come in and take over and yes - have a nap! Told you I would explain how to get one in. Caregivers are famous for being over tired and lacking sleep. The important thing is to do something that has nothing to do with cancer but everything to do with enjoying yourself and NOT feeling guilty about it. By you recharging, you will only spread that joy and energy onto the person you care for! By not doing it, you will only wear yourself down physically and emotionally and possibly to the point of caregiver burnout which is not a pretty picture. Trust me I know. Then you are no good to anyone.
Counseling is always an option, if you feel that is for you. Sometimes talking to someone helps. Maybe the person you are caring for would like to speak to others in their situation? Do you think that might help them?
I hope I have given you some ideas to find what may work for you MP3‍ . Sadly many caregivers go through these emotions. Like I said, myself included. However now, because you found this site, you do not have to go through them alone!
Live, Laugh, Love

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by hn27 on Jul 30, 2020 4:20 pm

Lacey_adminCCS‍ Thank you for pointing out the Leukemia discussion forum and a couple of the members. I did come across Hsmer1(AML)‍'s posts and were encouraging. It's not an easy battle but knowing that there are people fighting alongside, it makes a world of a difference. I will read the booklet as well and see what I can learn from it. 

My mother in law was given 2 options and has picked one of them. Since I am away, I didn't push much further since all of this is very new to her (basically was hospitalized, then news broke to her days after, and then choosing the best course of action within a day). Will share once I get a chance to find out.  

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by Cynthia Mac on Jul 31, 2020 12:48 pm

Hi, hn27‍ , I’m glad you’ve joined us, too. This site really helped me “keep afloat” when caring for my Dad. He had lung cancer and passed away from other causes just over a month ago. I think part of what helped me was being able to help others in this place, where we all have a common bond and compassion for what the others are going through.

Good for you for allowing your MIL the space to make her own decision. When Dad was debating whether or not to do chemo, I knew I had to do that, too, and I know how hard that was.

As a fellow caregiver, I want you to know you can reach out whenever you need.
“When the root is deep, there is no reason to fear the wind.” - Japanese saying

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by Cynthia Mac on Jul 31, 2020 12:55 pm

MP3‍ I read your post, and saw some symptoms in it you may want to address.

I used to say that I “feed off the energy of the people around me,” and that, I learned can work for us or against us. Something I’ve learned here as a member of the Cancer Connection community is that caregivers often give their energy into their “patient,” and that can cause issues for the caregiver, as I think you may be finding out.

As Lacey_adminCCS‍ said, you can’t pour anything out of an empty cup, so I want to ask if you have any ways of replenishing your cup’s contents. Do you have a craft interest that you can immerse yourself in for an hour or two a week? A book club? Coffee date with a friend? It’s so important for us to have something that helps us stay grounded or “normal” and not constantly in “the cancer lands.”

Are your “patient’s” doctors aware of his depression? As you’ve noted, being around a person with depression can “rub off” and it could be that if you can get medical attention for him, it could help you feel better in the long run, too.
“When the root is deep, there is no reason to fear the wind.” - Japanese saying

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by hn27 on Jul 31, 2020 8:27 pm

Cynthia Mac‍ So sorry to hear about that. Condolences to you and your family. This site truly helps to support one another and it makes the road a lot less familiar when you have others going through together.

Yes. You are right in that we have to trust their decision and stand with them. Exactly what the booklet says, one of the best thing you can do is simply to just listen. 

Thank you for the supporting words. This helps tremendously! 

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by CarlieCA on Aug 6, 2020 6:48 pm

I am currently supporting my boyfriend who was recently diagnosed with Glioblastoma. It's his second go round with Cancer. He had a Pilocytic Astrocytoma tumor at the age of 18. The doctors told him he would only make it to 25. He has surpassed all expectations and is alive today. He is 47. He had surgery 3 weeks ago to remove part of the tumor. He has an appointment next week at the cancer clinic to go over options. I am scared to death for him. I do not know what we are up against. We need help