Log in or Register to participate in these discussions

Welcome new members!

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by VioletFlower on Jun 18, 2020 10:30 am

Dear Widower57‍ 
Im so sorry for the loss of your beloved dog and the sudden loss of your dear wife. How hard that must be for you. I hope the lump is nothing more than a minor problem.

You are definitely not alone here on this website.

May you find some peace during your day.

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by AA-Ron on Jun 18, 2020 8:28 pm

Hello, 

My name is Aaron and my mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer last May. 

The past year has been has been difficult as the cancer has spread to her lungs, pancreas, bladder and it doesn't seem to stopping. She looks sick and it's so hard to standby and watch. 

She just started a more aggressive chemo treatment today. She's been told that a cure is unlikely and the cancer will eventually take her life. 

My mom is my best friend and I'm afraid of a lot things:
  1. life without her. 
  2. Watching her suffer in pain
  3. Watching her die
I am here today to try and figure out what I can do to support her. I'm also here for myself. I need help. I'm struggling with my mom's diagnosis and decline in health.

Thank you for reading my post. 

~Aaron
​​​​​​

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by Brighty on Jun 18, 2020 9:55 pm

Welcome DESOgall‍ .  Thank you for having tbe gutts to post and introduce yourself .   So sorry  about your mom .     Sadness is such a natural  emotion and sometimes  you just need to let yourself feel it.      Imagining  life without your loved one seems impossible.      But they are always with you... just not physically.     Watching the person  you love suffer  is guttwrenching.     Do you live with your mom? Do you have any siblings?    There are many ways to support her.. some practical  and some emotional.     The practical  things would be helping  to prepare  meals, chores, housework etc.    But the most important  thing  is to just BE there.   Just be with her.    Spend time with her.  Make memories, go over old photo albums,  old letters,  recipes, ... or just sit with her and watch TV.     That will be enough.     Have conversations that might be difficult.    Do you know her wishes?   For you, do you have a close friend  or family  member  to confide your feelings  to?  It can even be a social worker  or religious leader.     Both are very helpful and non judgemental.     Do you have any hobbies  you enjoy to distract yourself with?      What makes you happy?  Do you like to walk in nature?     Find something for yourself  that you can dive into that you are passionate  about.    And don't forget  to care for yourself  too.     The usual stuff.. eating sleeping and exercise.   They are so important.    We are here for you.    I would like to draw your attention  to a few discussions.    Under 'forums' there is discussion called' coping with a parents diagnoses.  '   There is also caregiver discussions and cancer type discussions.      I hope these will help you and you will meet other members  going through  the same thing.  They can give you tips on how they coped.    Let us know if you need anything  else.     
Help is out there. All you have to do is reach out.

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by Peterpatch on Jun 18, 2020 9:56 pm

I am very sorry to hear about your mom’s cancer. This is a great site to provide lots of caring and support. One of the best did with my mom when her health was declining was to look at photo albums that she had created and sing hymns. Try to find something that gives both of you some peace and joy. Are you able to visit and hug one another? I miss my grandchildren and children’s hugs as I approached my surgery and radiation treatments. God Nless both of you.

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by Essjay on Jun 19, 2020 7:56 am

Hi AA-Ron‍ so sorry to hear about your Mom. I’m sure it has been a really tough year for you. One of the hardest things we face is seeing a loved one seriously ill and facing the end of their life. I am not surprised you are struggling.

Have you considered counselling? It is available to family as well as cancer patients from most cancer centres. I see you are in Alberta, so I’m going to tag Runner Girl‍ and CentralAB‍ to see if they know what’s available there, but you can also call the Cancer Society Information Service 1-888-939-3333 and they will surely be able to help you.

I encourage you to take a look round the site and check out the forums. We have one for caregivers and there is a forum on ovarian cancer

Im tagging Elsie13‍ who has had treatment for ovarian cancer too.

You will find this community compassionate and willing to help - we are all current or past patients or caregivers. It’s a safe space to ask questions and to say what you are thinking. I hope between us we can help you.

best wishes to your family. Essjay 
Triple Negative Breast Cancer survivor since July 2018

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by Cynthia Mac on Jun 19, 2020 8:10 am

Hi, AA-Ron‍ , I know. This is hard. My Dad’s had lung cancer and he’s been in hospital the last 3 weeks.

It’s hard to think of life without them, but to me, it’s harder to see them in pain.

Depending on your relationship, you might want to have the “hard conversations” with your Mom. I became dad’s caregiver when he was diagnosed with his cancer just 2 months after mom passed. Mom had taken care of all their affairs, so I knew long ago what Dad’s wishes were. When I noticed some decrease in Dad’s condition (memory issues), I thought, “I should have a discussion with him about MAID” (medically assisted death), but he began to have stroke-like symptoms and ended up admitted to hospital before the conversation happened.

Your conversation doesn’t have to go that far, but I think you’ll be able to accept her situation better if you can get great clarity about what her own wishes are. I assure you, knowing this will cause a lot less fear, worry, and/or self-doubt when the time comes that she’s ready to let go - even if you’re not. I learned that just yesterday.

Think about what your Mom has meant to you, the kind of life she’s had, and how she would want you to be living as you and she go on this path. Would she want you weighed down with uncertainty, or would she want you to go through this with the knowledge you need to carry out her wishes?

We’re going to be weighed down with uncertainty anyway, but if we know about the plan in place, it can help us do the other things - make memories, help her live fully while she can, and take care of ourselves.

We’re here for you, so reach out whenever you need. 
“When the root is deep, there is no reason to fear the wind.” - Japanese saying

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by Runner Girl on Jun 19, 2020 8:15 am

AA-Ron‍ ,

The Tom Baker Cancer Centre has a Psychosocial Oncology department to provide:

Services to help patients and their families cope with the emotional, psychological and social stresses that often surface as a result of cancer and its treatment.

The Department of Psychosocial Resources, through a team of trained professionals in psychiatry, psychology and social work, help patients and their families cope with the emotional, psychological and social stresses that often surface as a result of cancer and its treatment.  The team is available to patients from the moment of diagnosis onward. 

The phone number is 4033553207

I'm sorry for your mom's diagnosis and hopeful that this next round of chemo is helpful.

Thanks Essjay‍ for tagging me.

Runner Girl

Never stop believing in HOPE because MIRACLES happen every day!

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by Elsie13 on Jun 19, 2020 10:38 am

 AA-Ron‍ , so sorry about your mom's ovarian cancer spreading. So very sad and challenging for the two of you!
Glad to see that Runner Girl‍  and Essjay‍  have connected with you. There are some good suggestions, I think, like the Caregivers and Ovarian forums.  And the Psychosocial Department. 

Ovarian cancer is sometimes called the 'disease that whispers.'  The symptoms can be fairly mild for a while, and the person doesn't realize what's happening. I thought I had irritable bowel syndrome, or maybe I just needed to improve my diet. Then, nasty surprise - I had large ovarian cysts.  

I hope you continue to get help from all around cancerconnection. 
In 2016: diagnosed with stage 2 ovarian cancer. Treatment: hysterectomy, chemo, radiation. Afterwards: No Evidence of Disease!

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by Elsie13 on Jun 19, 2020 10:56 am

AA-Ron‍ , I think Cynthia Mac‍ is right about having the 'hard conversation.'   Is your mom's will up to date, and that sort of thing? I have 3 siblings and we were so disorganized when my mom was ill.  I was one of two people who had 'power of attorney' I think it's called.  If my mom was too ill to make serious treatment decisions, I would have been asked to make the decision. I didn't even know it was me, until about three days before she died. 
In 2016: diagnosed with stage 2 ovarian cancer. Treatment: hysterectomy, chemo, radiation. Afterwards: No Evidence of Disease!

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by VioletFlower on Jun 19, 2020 11:05 am

AA-Ron‍ 
Hello Aaron. 
My sons name is Aaron too. So glad you posted and sorry you have been travelling this painful road of grief. My mom was in palliative care with a sudden brain infection for 6 days. It was one of the most painful experiences of my life. I did find comfort in being there with her during this time of passing and even though It was hard to come to terms with the fact I would never see her or speak to her again I gained a deeper understanding of the cycles of life. There is birth with all of its emotions and there is death with all of its emotions and every one of us go through this. 

I was grateful to have had both of my parents until they were in there 80’s and 90’s. It was not until my fifties that I had my first thoughts that at some point they would die. It is hard to come to terms with not having my parents to turn to the rest of my life. 

Best wishes for your family.
Judy
 

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by Rayline on Jun 19, 2020 11:48 pm

AA-Ron‍ I am so sorry that you are on this very difficult path. When I was diagnosed with cancer, my first thought was “oh no I will not meet my grandchildren and my poor daughters will miss their  Mom”. One of my daughter’s was able to let me talk about my fears of dying and sickness which was so hard and so helpful for us. I did not have to censor and it brought us closer. I am thinking you might be able to be that support for you Mom. I really echo the other members and try to find someone you can share all you fears with. This is a very helpful site and I hope you find comfort here.

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by pamnbella on Jun 24, 2020 11:13 am

I found out a month ago that I have ovarian cancer. They don't know which stage yet or if it has spread until after they do my hysterectomy. Right now I am undergoing 3 rounds of chemo, once every 3 weeks, followed by surgery, and then 3 more rounds. I've had one round so far and I go for my second round this Friday. My hair started falling out yesterday.
I have a lot of help from my family, especially my parents during this time, so that is helping quite a bit. I'm a cat mom to one furbaby, a cat, Bella. Currently I do not work so I pass a lot of my time by watching TV, listening to music, reading and relaxing with my parents.

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by Rayline on Jun 24, 2020 10:54 pm

pamnbella‍ glad know you are being well looked after, third time a charm! 

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by orchid*lover* on Jun 30, 2020 4:43 pm

Hello everyone,
Thank you for this forum and what a warm welcome as I posted in a different area under breast cancer yesterday. I have been struggling with my emotions since I completed 12 chemo sessions and awaiting radiation treatments. The Paclitaxel was ok until about the last 2 treatments then I was feeling pretty fatigued and scalp acne....now my hair is starting to come back but very tired of looking in the mirror at Benjamin Buttons and doesn’t take anything sometimes to get me in tears. The social worker at the chemo clinic gave me this link to connect with others in the same situation and I’m so happy I did!! Thank you thank you all!!❤️

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by Lianne_adminCCS on Jun 30, 2020 6:11 pm

Welcome orchid*lover*‍ . I am so glad you found us too and that you have found support already.  The feelings that you have described are so common, we have a whole forum on The emotional roller coaster. You can find that here .

It is great to have the support of our family and friends but often they just don't understand like those who are walking the same path do.

Lianne

Re: Welcome new members!

Posted by Cynthia Mac on Jul 1, 2020 7:42 am

orchid*lover*‍ : I was in a relationship once where my weight was quite a concern (to him, not so much me). When I left that relationship, I left the bathroom scale and the full-length mirror behind. 10 years later, I still don’t have a mirror in my bedroom, but it isn’t because of his body-shaming - it’s because I decided to love myself from the inside, not the outside. 

I’m a huge fan of Louise Hay (SO many people on this forum know this now...). She says that we should smile at our reflection every time we look in a mirror, so I recommend that the next time “Miss Benjamin Buttons” starts to well up, smile at her and remember to give her all the love she deserves.
 
“When the root is deep, there is no reason to fear the wind.” - Japanese saying