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Emotional support to my husband with Cancer

Emotional support to my husband with Cancer

Posted by Carney123 on Nov 11, 2019 11:26 pm

This last 2 months has been a whirlwind. My husband has been recently diagnosed with testicular Cancer. He has already been through surgery to remove the right testicle. Last week he had a CT scan to see if there is anything else and we are currently waiting on the results.

This cancer diagnosis came at a time that through us for a loop. We are 20 weeks pregnant with our first child. Before this diagnosis my husband was very excited, but know he is scared of not being there. We are awaiting results and that is the hardest part, the not knowing.

My husband is struggling mentally with staying positive. The fear is overwhelming him and I don’t know how to help. Any advice for a struggling wife would be appreciated.   

Re: Emotional support to my husband with Cancer

Posted by Brighty on Nov 12, 2019 7:20 am

Welcome  Carney123‍ ... I'm so sorry for what brings you here.... Glad you found us.   How exciting  for you to be expecting your first child!    It's a very difficult  situation  you are in now.   Waiting is the hardest  part ..... You could try distration techniques  in the meantime  while waiting.    Keep yourselves busy with fun things you love to do.. or even mundane  things like cleaning the closet.    Get the room ready for the baby even!!! Thst would keep you busy and have something positive  to strive for.     Cancer treatments  have come  a long way in the last few years.      Try not to jump too far ahead of yourself... and please stay away from Dr. Google !!!!!!   Just take things day by day and know that you are strong and can do this.   We've got your back.   Keep us updated.     
Help is out there. All you have to do is reach out.

Re: Emotional support to my husband with Cancer

Posted by Cynthia Mac on Nov 12, 2019 8:44 am

Hi, Carney123‍ , I’m glad you posted in. As Brighty‍ Says, this period between “getting the news” and “getting the results” is possibly one of the hardest parts of the whole process. Once his doctors are able to roll out a plan for your husband, things will stop feeling like they’re in limbo, and it will start to feel like you’re moving forward again.

What he is feeling is quite natural, and what you are feeling is also quite natural. Trying to stay positive during that period of limbo is a real challenge, especially for the patient. Despite the advances made in treatments, hearing the “C” word still throws us for a loop, and our minds, for some reason, head for the darker places instead of hopeful ones.

You may already have tried this, but you can assure your husband that he’s quite possibly putting the cart before the horse at this point. Another technique we use is “What do I know for certain” as a “game” to try and check into today’s reality, rather than today’s fears. Another observation is that every negative thought he’s having right now is potentially stealing away a joyful moment about your pregnancy (and, indeed, other events in your life.) 

Again, as Brighty said, trying to keep him busy to prepare your home for
a) baby’s arrival and
b) things he might want to have done in case he has to have treatment and might not feel up to in a few months
might keep his mind off his worry.

The biggest blessing I see in all of this is that your pregnancy came along before his disease prevented you from starting a family. 

If you think your husband will benefit from Cancer Connection, there are discussions for “man” cancers, and a closed group called “Man Cave” where he can reach out to other men who have travelled the road he is now on.

You’re awesome for reaching out on his behalf, and I hope some of these tips help you through.
“When the root is deep, there is no reason to fear the wind.” - Japanese saying

Re: Emotional support to my husband with Cancer

Posted by Lacey_adminCCS on Nov 12, 2019 10:47 am

Carney123‍ 

I'm glad you posted. You guys have a lot on your plate right now! Fear is a very normal emotion in this situation. I'm hoping that you get answers soon and you can enjoy your pregnancy together.

Do you think it would be helpful for your husband to speak with the Social Worker at the hospital? Would he be open to it? I thought you and your husband might find this to be a good read: Coping When You Have Cancer. We also have a Cancer Information service you can call to speak to an Information Specialist at 1-888-939-3333.

You may also want to connect with Busyb6‍ and october_winds‍ who both have experience as caregivers for testicular cancer. 

Please keep us posted,
Lacey