I think it was two weeks ago when I got the phone call. A phone call that wasn't supposed to happen, I know you can't control bad news or it happening, it is just is that. I am standing in a parking lot and thankfully I was sitting down on a concrete planter ledge, I think I was sitting, I could have been standing than sat down - it doesn't matter. Hearing, "I've got some bad news" then it crushes your insides hoping maybe I misheard. "mom has cancer, she has stage three cervical cancer." She has a tumor that is causing other medical issues; kidney, bladder, bowel, and other.
I am not worried about my own health. I had a hysterectomy so cancer for me is not possible.
Here I am, planning for my travels to visit her... knowing it might be the last time I see her.
I don't even know where to begin, where to start, what to do. I am struck with intense emotions - "this wasn't supposed to happen like this, our end wasn't supposed to be this." As I am dealing with other pressing matters and have them sorted out first before I can travel down there. It's a lot to process and handle.
Where do I even start? Where do I go? I feel so lonely, even when I have my friends and therapist.