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After months of back and forth, my dad isn’t a candidate for the Whipple

After months of back and forth, my dad isn’t a candidate for the Whipple

Posted by Luna2020 on Oct 18, 2020 4:48 pm

My dad was diagnosed in February. Since then he’s done chemo rounds, three CT scans with hopes of getting the Whipple. On Friday, we found out that he is not a candidate, and I just feel so lost. My mom isn’t coping well with it. She tries to be strong, but I feel like she needs to talk to someone. She talks to people in pancreatic  Facebook groups, but I do think that she needs someone else to talk to, a professional. Her dad is also going through some major medical issues and is slowly going downhill. I moved in with my parents and I am teaching virtually. 
I guess in your experiences, what happens now when you or your family member was told that surgery isn’t an option? 
thankful for your support and take good care ❤️

Re: After months of back and forth, my dad isn’t a candidate for the Whipple

Posted by Brighty on Oct 18, 2020 5:09 pm

Luna2020‍  I'm so sorry to hear that your dad is not a candidate for the Whipple surgery.     Did the doctor mention any other options that possibly may be availiable?     Some people may still be able to have chemo, radition, or targeted therapy.     There is the cyber knife procedure and the nano knife procedure but I don't know much about that.    You might want to get a second opinion to see if there are any options availiable.     This must be so hard on both you and your mom.     I found it helpful as a caregiver to contact the social worker in oncology.      She was so nice to me and let me cry so many tears.   She listened to me for hours.     Do you and your mom have any other support from family members or friends that can help out?      Don't be afraid to ask if either or you need anything.   Meals prepared, groceries delivered, or whatever the case may be.      You may also want to contact our info line at !888 939 3333.   They may be able to advise you or come up with further options that may be availiable.   How are you coping?   Are you finding work to be a good distraction or are you finding it difficult to concentrate?     Does the principal know what is happening?   It might be beneficial to mention it to your principal.     I was on an LTO when my fiance was diagnosed.     (I'm an EA)     I had tell the principal what was happening. because I wasn't at my best.     When  I burst into tears in the middle of the day people understood.     Also when I was not availiable to work so I could go to appointments, I wanted the principal to know I was not just slacking off.     You will be surprised at the outpouring of support you will get from coworkers.   I'm only a supply and I got so much incredible support from coworkers .       Please keep us updated on how you, your mom and dad are coping.      
Help is out there. All you have to do is reach out.

Re: After months of back and forth, my dad isn’t a candidate for the Whipple

Posted by Laika57 on Oct 20, 2020 7:57 pm

Hi Luna2020‍ , i am sorry to hear about the whipple not being an option.
Is it arterial involvement? Or spread?
i would also ask for a 2nd opinion, though if metastases are involved, they don't usually do it.

On the other hand, after everything my husband has and is going through, i have to say it has changed my view of chemo and surgery. When they talk quality of life, take it seriously. Hubby pre chemo and surgery, but with the stent, was in much better shape than he is now. A year of that and being of sound mind, might have been preferable to being less than a shadow of himself, physically and mentally, but nominally cancer free (and for how long?). He can't even enjoy it because he is stuck in a hospital bed and the only thing that matters to his chemo fried brain is his next meal...

so... i guess, careful what you wish for.

we were assigned a grief counselor, arranged by the cancer center social worker. It sort of helped talking to her, but since i am not one to reach out, especially when i am low, it's kind of pointless for me because she does not check in regularly. I cope by yelling at the medical staff instead....
Have you hugged your dog today?