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My husband recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer

Re: My husband recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer

Posted by WestCoastSailor on Nov 18, 2020 10:10 am

Gah and the tears stream again. This is a fresh wave of grief for me. Those feelings are so so familiar. Feel the feels. That numbness, that desire to run, curl up and cry. Heartbroken at your loss.

We've been here through all this journey and though part of it has come to an end, we're here with you in this moment, grieving for a man that we only know through your posts.

Thanks for trusting us with this news.

Angus
My story: http://journey.anguspratt.ca

Re: My husband recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer

Posted by Trillium on Nov 18, 2020 10:11 am

Oh Laika57‍ - I’m so sorry for the loss of your partner in life. You have been going through much stress and many losses. Curl up and cry today if that’s what you want to do. No need to rush but I understand the need to find secure housing. I had to move within a few weeks after my mom died and my colleague and friend that I rented a unit from was in hospital with terminal uterine cancer which was diagnosed when I was back East coping with my moms sudden death and I did not know my friend was in hospital. It was one of the most difficult times in my life. 

Can the Social worker at the hospital help you with housing? Can you stay where you are until you find suitable housing?

As much as it might feel like you won’t survive this......you will.

Big hugs for you 
Judy

Re: My husband recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer

Posted by Brighty on Nov 18, 2020 10:15 am

Laika57‍ my heart breaks for you for your loss and everything  you have been through  these last
few months.     We are always  here for you no matter  what.  Big hugs to you and be in touch.
Help is out there. All you have to do is reach out.

Re: My husband recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer

Posted by Wendy Tea on Nov 18, 2020 10:19 am

Laika57‍  You are a very special young woman and my heart breaks for you. I am sorry for your loss. Grief for me has always been a long and slow process.  Be kind to yourself. 
Big hugs to you and Rudi. 

Re: My husband recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer

Posted by Essjay on Nov 18, 2020 10:36 am

Laika57‍ I’m so sorry this day has come. I know you have been waiting for it for so long.

I encourage you to let others help you just now. His family can help with the organization of next steps, you don’t have to take the burden all on yourself...

I desperately hope that things get sorted for you to stay here with Rudi. I’ve been following your story for these 11 months and mostly I never know what to say or how to help. Feel the love from us all my friend - we are right here, listening with our arms outstretched to hug you. Essjay xx
Triple Negative Breast Cancer survivor since July 2018

Re: My husband recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer

Posted by Kuching on Nov 18, 2020 10:39 am

Laika57‍ , I’m so so sorry.  Even when we think we’re ready for this moment, the reality is so much worse than we ever imagined.  My heart goes out to you.  As others have said, don’t try and deal with anything right now, just take time to cry, to adjust a little.  I wish I could just come over there and give you a big hug!

 

Re: My husband recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer

Posted by Kims1961 on Nov 18, 2020 10:54 am

Laika57‍ Thank you for sharing your sad news, trusting us with this difficult part of your own life's journey.

I hope you feel the support and care from all of the others who have posted, those who are just following your journey and myself.  We have so much to learn about loving, losing, dying, living and being human in the process. It's not easy, we can and have done hard things, just take it one step at a time.

I have always smiled at your footer " Have you hugged your dog today?"....Maybe in the midst of telling people, you take time out to do just that.  That , this may just be enough for today. There is time to make other decisions but for today, do what you need to do, or nothing at all.  This is about what works for you, not for expectations of others. 

i am going to go hug my dog today, to send care and support to you.

We are still here.

Kim
Her2+, ER+ Bilateral mastectomy in 2017, followed by chemo and radiation. Mack and Hannah's mom

Re: My husband recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer

Posted by MCoaster on Nov 18, 2020 11:45 am

Laika57‍  

My heart goes out to you.    You have honoured us by allowing us to be with you as you have moved through your and Ian's journey.    So many people here have read your posts over the long months and you now have friends here who will carry you in our hearts and as others have said we  will always be here for you. 

It is hard to do when you are faced with so many challenges in your everyday life but I hope that you can take time to curl up with Rudi who will also be mourning.

The warmest of hugs to you.

MCoaster

Re: My husband recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer

Posted by Lianne_Moderato on Nov 18, 2020 1:03 pm

Laika57‍ 

I was so saddened to read your post this morning. I won't pretend to understand what you are going through, and what you have gone through for the past year.  Cancer takes such a toll on the loved ones and the caregivers.  Even when we know what the outcome will be, the pain is no less. While Ian is now out of pain, your pain only intensifies.

As others have said, take your time, grieve in any way that comes and reach out to others, either in your circle or our circle here, as you need.

Sending you virtual hugs

Take care
Lianne

Re: My husband recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer

Posted by Laika57 on Nov 18, 2020 2:47 pm

Gee, here's one for the books. Apparently i had my foot on the brake pedal whilst sitting here feeling sorry for myself. And the battery ran down. Bet you the bulbs are busted too. 
a friend said they're coming to help. 🤞
Have you hugged your dog today?

Re: My husband recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer

Posted by MCoaster on Nov 18, 2020 3:03 pm

Laika57‍   Oh dear, but thank goodness you have your friend to rescue you.  🙏
                Take care.
                Hugs.
                 MCoaster

Re: My husband recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer

Posted by Whitelilies on Nov 18, 2020 8:20 pm

Laika57‍ Please accept my sincere condolences, for the loss of your loving partner.
You have had a difficult past few months.....Hold on to wonderful memories.....it will get you through the times in need.
We are here for you......
Warmly
Whitelilies

Lillian

Re: My husband recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer

Posted by Trillium on Nov 18, 2020 9:16 pm

So glad your friend is coming to help you.

Hugs

Re: My husband recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer

Posted by rivers on Nov 18, 2020 11:25 pm

Laika57‍ I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your partner today. I haven't been on the site long, but I have learned and felt so much reading your posts and people's responses. I didn't have the experience of such long and tumultuous caregiving, but I join you in grief of recently losing a partner in life and love. 

Re: My husband recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer

Posted by Raven on Nov 19, 2020 9:22 am

My sincere condolences. I have also followed you for the last 11 months. Since I found this site I feel connected and must read one post everyday, even if my story so far has a good ending and I could turn the other way. I always read your posts, as it broke my heart to read the difficulty you endured and how bravely and courageously you faced it and how honest your words were. I also read the kind words the people here wrote to you trying to support you. I have learned a lot from you and the others. 
Please be kind to yourself and rest, allow others to help you. It will all come together, it always does. Sending a big hug and love...

Re: My husband recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer

Posted by cinderella1 on Nov 19, 2020 1:00 pm

So sorry for your loss. Take time for you now, grieving for as long as it takes. God bless you for being at his side during this time. God bless during your grieving process and remember the good times you shared. 

Re: My husband recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer

Posted by Laika57 on Nov 19, 2020 10:21 pm

Thank you everyone. Your support means a lot to me, though it seems I mostly only cry when people are being nice and express their condolences...

so, being broke has upsides, my social worker put me in touch with a lady at Ontario works, and within half an hour she approved the funding and put me in touch with a funeral home.
First it sounded as though I needed the family’s permission to have him cremated, but the funeral home came up with a notary who witnessed and signed my “declaration of common law union” and now I have official enough standing to have made the decisions myself.
i actually had a very pleasant chat with the guy at the funeral home. Either he is a brilliant sales person, or my kind of people. Art school, wife is an artist, and as quirky a sense of humour as mine. I don’t think I could’ve dealt with someone formal and expecting me to act the grieving wife. That was one of the best chats I had all year. I keep thinking it shouldn’t have been. But at the same time it made me realize how much I miss people. Talking to anyone who isn’t a doctor or nurse...


anyhow. It’s about time I decide where I go from here. But I honestly have no clue yet. Home and recoup, or stay and fight to rebuild the business...

 
Have you hugged your dog today?

Re: My husband recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer

Posted by Raven on Nov 19, 2020 10:46 pm

It is all about you now, I would expect (from experience after my partner loss to suicide, not cancer) life will show you what to do...if it is not clear now, don't do anything. Listen to that inner voice. You have gone through a lot. You need to rest and heal first. Be gentle on yourself, you deserve it...Hug your dog, sleep, rest, cry. and do not forget to eat well..xox