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Posted by ERK on Jun 25, 2020 9:32 am

Hi. I have breast cancer. I was diagnosed Feb 2020 and had a mastectomy just before Covid hit. I run my own business so have been well occupied taking care of our people and getting us back open, in addition to doing the healthy lifestyle thing for myself (good sleep, nutrition, exercise, etc.). 2-3 weeks ago though, I hit a wall. I've been on the verge of tears constantly, and feel overwhelmed by emotion all the time. 

My friends haven't been around much. When I reached out to the ones I felt comfortable with asking, I'm learning that most of them are terrified to interact with me in person because of chemo/covid (chemovid! Lol) and of course, they have their own things to deal with as well. Out of sight unfortunately also breeds out of mind, though, so I feel pretty abandoned. I've signed up for some stuff on wellspring as well, but am glad I found these boards. Someone reached out the first day which was just what I needed.

I've never really done anything like this before, so it feels pretty foreign. But, I can't continue feeling this way, so I knew I needed some help. I'm wondering if with how quickly everything moved after my diagnosis, I never really had the time to manage all this stuff emotionally. 

Anyway, thanks for reading. I'm not sure what I'll get out of this, but based on what I've seen so far, it'll probably be more than I expect. 

Re: Introduction

Posted by Wendy Tea on Jun 25, 2020 10:29 am

ERK‍  Great first post. I am not surprised you hit a wall. In my case I went through the process of grieving my diagnosis and loss of my breast as it happened in real time. I spent a great deal of time talking to my bad boob, crying over its loss before surgery and bracing myself for the upcoming change in my body. Please allow your self this time to grieve.  It is not a pity party.  It's a time to release all that emotion you have been holding onto, release it to the universe.  You can even do a wake! Do whatever you need to do to allow yourself time to heal. 

If you need to talk to friends who understand we are here. We get it. 
Healing takes time and opportunity. Wendy Tea

Re: Introduction

Posted by Peterpatch on Jun 25, 2020 12:08 pm

Wow sad that your friends are not providing support. Some people don't know what to say or tell you stories that you don't want to hear. Add Covid to the mix and there is lot of fear and emotion. This is a great site. Never be afraid to pour your heart out or have a rant. There are lots of caring understanding people here that want to give back support or are going through things such as you.

Re: Introduction

Posted by Lianne_adminCCS on Jun 25, 2020 1:51 pm

Kudos on taking the big step of making your first post. I know you won't regret it.

This cancer world is a "funny" thing. If things move slowly, we worry and have too much time to think. If things move quickly, like in your case, we barely have time to process the diagnosis and you're on to appointments and treatments. Both have their pros and cons I think.
The wall doesn't surprise me either. You have had a little time now to reflect on what just happened the last 4 months. THe current state of the pandemic world adds a whole other layer. I am not currently in the thick of diagnosis and treatment ( I was diagnosed in 2010) and still I feel teary much of the time too. There is so much uncertainty with it.

The friends thing is a tricky one too. It happens to a lot of us in varying degrees. I can understand the concern of keeping away from someone who may be compromised due to treatment. Maybe suggest other options like Zoom, phone calls, even drive bys to see each other's faces.  There are ways to make it happen and be safe.  I was in my 40's when I was diagnosed with breast cancer and while most friends rallied, for others I think it hit too close to home. "it could be me" and they responded by distance. It is hurtful but maybe having an open conversation with them will make you both understand and feel better.

Look forward to more of your posts.

If you want to reply to someone on a discussion, type the "@" sign and then start  typing their screenname. Select the one you want. It will turn blue to let you know you have done it correctly ( see your name above )


Re: Introduction

Posted by Rayline on Jun 26, 2020 1:01 am

ERK‍ welcome to the site. I joined last September after being diagnosed with breast and lung cancer. I found the first few months extremely difficult so much information to process, so much worry. It is very difficult to be diagnosed with cancer. And we all have our own way to process. Please continue to reach out. I did
counselling through out cancer center, a course with the D’Sousa institute. There is lots of help. 

Re: Introduction

Posted by Essjay on Jun 26, 2020 10:10 am

Welcome ERK‍ 
I too struggled early on - lots of hurry up and wait...
Like Rayline‍ I found counselling helpful - someone to talk who knows what is going on. And I focused early on things like cleaning the house and filing the freezer to keep us going through my surgery. We actually renovated our kitchen through my diagnosis which was a great distraction - put me under pressure to finish off.

Any questions you have just now?

Best wishes Essjay
Triple Negative Breast Cancer survivor since July 2018

Re: Introduction

Posted by Whitelilies on Jun 26, 2020 10:31 am

ERK‍ Hello
I am glad you reached out, and found us all! We are here, to guide, listen and support......and a chuckle or two!
I wish you strength during these difficult times.....COVID...Cancer.....it is all "murky waters".......
Re; Friends:.....I might write a book on this one day! Best Seller New York Times? Maybe.....Telling your (close) friends is a personal choice....some will hold your hand....offer help and support and extra love.....others MAY not "get it".....MAY put the pedal to the metal ! (and run away from it all/you).
Best is......to expect "nothing".....if you get kindness etc, that is a bonus.....if you originally expected "nothing".....you are at square 1.....and new friends are HERE !

Time To Order Online From.......Old Navy........need Retail Therapy NOW !!



Re: Introduction

Posted by supersu on Jun 26, 2020 11:55 am


yep - this is the club you def didn't want to belong to, but here we are!! your new besties!!! :)
reach out as often as you like/need.  I notice there is always someone 'out' there, no matter the time of day or nite!

ps: I LOVE the #chemovid hashtag.....

pps: Whitelilies‍ MY best seller title: DIY Cancer! ha ha ha
we'll go on a book signing tour together



Re: Introduction

Posted by Buffythevampire on Jun 26, 2020 12:19 pm

ERK‍ I too have been diagnosed with breast cancer in late 2018. I had questions in the beginning (still do sometimes) and didn't know where to turn. There was nothing local, a building with the Cancer sign ended up being empty and had moved to another location that was over an hours drive away. Not very convenient for me. I didn't want to use google, too many scary stories and not sure what to believe. Tried a few facebook groups but since they're global, treatment/surgery not necessarily the same. Thankfully I found this site. People who have been or are going through what I am going through. It has been extremely helpful to me and hopefully to you as well.

Welcome to the group that nobody really wanted to join but are glad they did. Ask any question, no question is a stupid one.

Re: Introduction

Posted by Lianne_adminCCS on Jun 26, 2020 3:54 pm


I remember seeing DIY cancer in a post recently. Was that you? I thought it was very apt in these crazy times.

ERK‍  - as you can see, you are among friends here now. We are your bonus support  team.