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Found a lump and now waiting for results

Re: Found a lump and now waiting for results

Posted by Minus2 on Jun 15, 2019 9:32 am

hi Sh0384‍ , 
You have had some great advice from the other ladies on site.  I was diagnosed with IDC, Stage 1A, Grade 1 in May 2016.  The largest tumour was 2.0 cm.  Both breasts also had DCIS, extensive on the right side where the IDC tumours were.  So, I was recommended right at the start for a double mastectomy followed by immediate reconstruction and I followed the surgeon's advice.  Like you I am a worrier and as ashcon‍ said, your decision will really come down to what you can live with - not just in the physical sense, but how you will function every day.  I have not looked back and most days, I feel like me again, but it was a process.  Just being given the diagnosis is life changing but the impact of the treatments just adds another layer.  In the end, ask all the questions you need to, make a decision you feel will best support your physical and emotional goals and needs, and then advocate firmly, consistently, and persistently.  Be sure to ask questions about the risks associated with treatments beyond surgery as those factors may also impact your decision.  

As for your children, you will be surprised at what they can do independently and how much support they can offer you.  I know as a mother, all we want to do is look after our children and do things for them, but when we can't it becomes crystal clear that our real purpose is to help them grow into independent and resilient adults who can handle whatever life throws at them.  And that other people can do things for them and other people can help them - it does not always have to be me.  Nothing does that better than necessity.  When my children were only 12 and 13 my dad became very ill and as an only child, I had to spend a lot of time at my parent's home.  My children stepped up; my daughter took over meal planning and cooking and my son took over the weekly laundry - and they both managed their dad LOL!  When my mom became ill 3 years later and I moved in with her for the last weeks of her life to provide care, they stepped it up a notch again.  And then when I was diagnosed, they were 22 and 23 and accepting responsibility and acting as caregivers in small doses came very naturally.  Who knew?!?  Like I said, when given the chance to be independent, they surprise us.

All the best as you research and discern........Minus2

Re: Found a lump and now waiting for results

Posted by JustJan on Jun 15, 2019 9:41 am

Sh0384‍ I completely understand all that you are going through as I have been going through a similar journey since January.  I was 59 at the time and I don't have a young family but can appreciate the challenges this poses for you.  It is very difficult to get your head around all of it.  Sounds like you have some strong supports in both the cancer and surgery areas and these will be a great source of strength for you going forward.  Lean on them and let them help you carry the burden.  Let them use whatever contacts they have to help you.  I would also see if there are counselling services available as part of your treatment and take advantage of it.  Hang in there, the hardest part is not having a plan and feeling like you're not in control.  You've got this!

Re: Found a lump and now waiting for results

Posted by Kims1961 on Jun 15, 2019 11:12 am

Sh0384‍  I hope you feel the amazing support from this community.  I found it so awesome to help me with questions, venting, my emotional support. 

Another place for support I found was with my Cancer Centre.  Some have social workers attached who can help with the emotional journey we are on but also maybe  able to problem solve some support services in your area and/or financial resources. 

A friend who is also going through treatment - a single mother on a very tight budget - used her community of family/friends/neighbours - she came up with a list of things that the family could use help with - maybe a meal? - maybe yard work? - maybe some child care - or maybe just a break - so when people asked - if there is anything you need - you can add them to this list and they can check off something they could help with.  Often others want to help but are not sure what is needed - sometimes we can't think of anything either - but this might be an idea if things get very busy for you or you just need some time to take a nap.  She had the list on her computer and shared via email with everyone who offered, so they could see what was being offered and what is still needed.  She called it Meal Train ?   

As others have mentioned, our children can surprise us with their resiliency during difficult times.  In fact, it also helps them to find strategies and be part of the family, when they can help and feel part of your care. This will help them prepare for their journey through adulthood.  When my husband was ill and my children were little , I tried to include them in easy parts of his care.  Did I make  mistakes as a Mom?  you betcha - but that is also part of life - we do the best we can.  

So glad you posted!  Kim