We have smaller children 3 & 6 and no support system nearby. I already find everything exhausting and heartbreaking. I find it so hard to not freely share all my thoughts and feelings with my husband.
The plan in place right now is that so will stay with the children, his sister will likely join him in the city he is receiving treatment. I feel so uninvolved with the kids and no support I have no time to attend any appointments and do not even have the opportunity to be in the same city as him during his super long (and scary surgery). I want to care for him so badly it is killing me but I also cannot just leave my job and kids to do this. How do you cope in this situation? What should I expect from myself and my reaction? How can I be there from so far away?
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences. ❤
Hello and welcome from QC!
Welcome to our caring community - so glad you reached out to us! I am sorry to hear of your husbands' upcoming surgery and distance from you/your kids/your home.
Please know you found a group of people, eager to listen and share and support each other.
Some suggestions - Je vais essayer ici, pour vous:
Can his sister, and you, switch roles for a few days? Can she come to watch your children, so you can be with your husband for the surgery? (and even a few days after, while the healing begins?)
Do you have any babysitters in your area who could come to help you? I used to find the best people, to help look after my kids, when they were young, from their school! example….a kindergarten teacher/assistant….maybe they seek more work hours/weekend….a high school student, seeking work hours/weekend……a relative/lives in your area? (someone you trust-knows your children)
Perhaps, you can set up face time, each day, while he is in the hospital….you can “see” him….talk with him…..it may have to “be”…for a bit….
The main focus is that his surgery is successful….healing starts….and your role as mom/caregiver and more….is vital too. The children need their routines; they are too young, to “understand” what is happening….of course you need support and respite….I do hope you can find a loved one/trusted one, to assist you.
Nous sommes ici pour vous et votre famille.
Wishing you all, only the best.
#Caregiving #bone cancer
Welcome. I am so sorry for what your family is going through.
I read your post and was taken back to my feelings during my cancer surgery and treatment. In my case, I was the patient and my husband was the one ‘taking care of business’ while looking after a newborn and a 5 year old while working from home (yay, COVID shutdown).
In my case, I had a friend\brother driving me to my out of town appts, surgery and treatments. At the start, I would have rather had my husband with me…but realized quickly that he was the only one who could really support our children in my absence. We found support by hiring a university student with nanny experience through our doctor's clinic and also leaned on a supportive friend.
Reading your post, I have a better understanding of what my husband went through during the scary times. Thank you for sharing.
From the patient point of view…let me tell you this. You may feel that you are removed from the caregiver role and that you may feel that you should be by your husband's side. Of course, you want to be there. But, please know this. My husband kept the home and children safe and functioning while I was in the fight of my life. I don't know your husband, but I will assume that he is a man whose children mean the world to him. So, while he is fighting for his life at the hospital - you remember that you are keeping his whole life safe at home for when he returns.
I feel that in my case, my love (and distraction) for my little children is what pulled me through. You are taking care of his world right now.
I like the idea of using Facetime to talk to him daily. Have the kids involved. Have them do crafts, send lots of photos to him.
Please take care of yourself - you have such an important, demanding job right now. Keep posting and sharing and getting support. You've landed here which is a good start. Also look to Wellspring.ca for online programming and support groups.
I say that the universe provides if you are open to it. I believe that support will come from unexpected places for your family. List out things that people could do for you, like take your little tobogganing to let you rest, deliver groceries, etc. People want to help.
Wishing you and your family the very best.
@Sadie12 Thank-you for sharing your thoughts and experience, it means a lot to hear your perspective. I cannot even think about how it must have been with a newborn and a child in kindergarten ❤️. Wellspring.ca is new to me, I will check it out, thanks so much for the suggestion! :)