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Hubby has melanoma stage 3c
1 Posts

Hi everyone, Just looking to connect with people going through similar circumstances. My husband has melanoma (started as a mole on his side and was found in his groin lymph node) and is almost halfway through immunotherapy treatment. He has had a couple of surgeries and we are waiting for CT scan this month. He has had so many side effects and lots of symptoms lately that keep us in fear that it is spreading. Sometimes I think we are coping well and it’s not that bad compared to what others go through, but then other times I feel like falling apart because it is a lot to handle and life is busy with four children and a hubby with cancer. Sorry, starting to vent…

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2769 Posts

@NaomiPelss Hi Naomi…..it is OK to vent here….we are listening and offering support…..Please; try to reach out to the Oncology Social Worker at your husbands' hospital; they are a wealth of resources and will make appts with family members too….at my hospital (Toronto) there were 2 such staff members….(on my speed dial!) Care for kids - I dont know their ages…..is there a neighbour/friend/sitter who you can rely on, when YOU need a break? OR: perhaps make a schedule, in advance, and know that every Tuesday, from 3-6pm you are free to do as you wish (sleep, walk, see a friend, etc)….

Self care is vital TO care for others!

It is understandable (I had it too), that any “symptom/pain/itch/cramp etc” is bringing our minds back to “that place”…..it may be nothing…..it may be his body dealing with all the treatments, and healing from surgeries…..

If he has pain, reach the Dr and let them know; they will help.

We are all here to support your family.

Welcome Naomi!


1941 Posts

@NaomiPelss welcome. Pain is so anxiety provoking and can play a lot with our minds.

I can’t speak to your specific circumstances but can share my experience as a patient (breast and ovarian). When I was going through treatment, I would have bouts of pain. I found it helpful to document the pain and where it was, the severity level, what I did to try to relieve it and whether what I tried worked or not. I took this information with me to my oncologist appointments. It was helpful in deciding any changes/additions to medications or whether additional testing was required.

@Whitelilies gave you some good advice on self care and counselling.

I know it’s hard not to worry but know that we are here to help support both you and your husband.

2160 Posts

@NaomiPelss im sorry your family is going through this….

As others said the side effects from treatment can make you feel awful and convince you that something else must be happening with the cancer.
Have you and your husband sought out the social worker in your cancer centre? They are trained counsellors and are really helpful people to talk to about your worries and concerns, and to process what’s happening. They are available to patients and their families - you can go alone and talk about what you are dealing with, and they are there for your kids too if that helps them.

I hope the scan results are positive - do share the results with us if you feel able.

2380 Posts

@NaomiPelss - welcome and you can vent anytime you want here. Sorry for all that you and your family are going through.

I’m tagging a few people that may be able to share with you too. @Swim Mom @GreenLight @XYZ123

How old are the kids? How are they doing?

Warm hug❤️‍🩹

8730 Posts

@NaomiPelss my heart truly breaks for what you and your family are going through. Cancer affects the entire family…… it's ok NOT to be ok all the time and reach out for help. I just did it myself yesterday, and the folx here were so responsive and so supportive…… It's even ok to fall apart and cry if you need to. Been there too. You have received some great advice from the others. Although my situation was different, I cared for my fiance who was in his 40s with esophegeal cancer……….. I know what it's like to care for a loved one with cancer……. the anxiety, the fear, the endless appointments, waiting for news, the loneliness, the heartache, and having to balance work on top of it all……. and put on a brave face and pretend all is ok. It's rough. I don't have any kids, but I do work with kids, and know that guidance counselors and social workers are available in most schools if the kids need to talk. How are they coping? How is your husband coping? Like the others said, the social worker at the cancer centre is a wonderful person to talk to. He or she is there for everyone in the family. As for all the symptoms, like the others said, keep note of them, and mention all to the health care team. They are there to help. Reach out to others for help, meal drop offs, play dates with friends for the kids, babysitting if necessary……….just let others know what you need so they can help out. Most people will be happy to help you. Not all will, i found that out the hard way, but yes, most will. Community centres, religious organizations, whatever you belong to, if you reach out, they will rally around you. Thank you for reaching out, this is really an amazing place with an incredible bunch of people, I can't emphasize that enough.! Seriously!! I needed help here yesterday, so I posted…….didn't know who to turn to………and people I haven't even met or talked to reached out to me and talked me down and brought comfort to me. So you have posted in the right place to get the support, love and help you seek.

4 Posts


hello Naomi. This is my first time here. My partner has recurrent mucosal melanoma. She was first diagnosed in 2007. We’ve been doing this a long time! The past 6-7 yrs have been non stop cancer. I might be able to help you “normalize” what you’re feeling. it’s much harder than what most people think.

let me know if you have any questions.

1607 Posts

good morning Suze! and welcome to this community.
so great to have you. (if we went by names alone, I LOVE ya already - ha ha ha. nice to have another Suz around here).

what a long haul for your and your partner. they are so very lucky to have YOU. cancer in the family is a major stress on a relationship. many don't last. congratulations to you both.

THANK you for being a long term caregiver spouse, and for offering your support and knowledge to others here in this space. no doubt, you've seen/experienced it all.

I will look forward to your posts.

cheers & again, welcome here.

#caregiver #caregiverspouse #cancerinthefamily
#welcomenewmembers #mucosamelanoma

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