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Difficult conversations
5 Posts

My father was diagnosed with stage 3 NSLC a few weeks ago. This Thursday we will learn what his treatment plan entails; we already know that the tumor is inoperable but there are also no other Mets. Chemo and radiation will be the course of treatment, just not sure how many of each one at this time.

On top of this, we also have confirmation that he has early stage dementia. I will support whatever his decision is for treatment. But if he chooses to proceed with having his cancer treated, he just simply won’t be able to live indepedently on his own. My brother and I plan on proposing a few options to him and one of which would be spousal reunification with our mom who is currently in a long term care home for her advanced dementia.

I am not looking forward to the tail end of this week…once again more difficult conversations lay ahead and I feel like I’m pulling the carpet from underneath dad:( He loves his house and I don’t want to take him away from it but between the two diseases, it just doesn’t seem like a good idea. Thanks for letting me vent! These last two years have been chock full of sadness and I have had to make some life altering decisions for both of my parents. Just not fair that they are relegated to spending their golden years this way!!

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2447 Posts

@Lor4873 Hi Lor…..yes it is a difficult decision, and challenging to say the least…..aging parents….sandwich generation…and more….

I hope the re-unification can occur…..then your parents will be in “one place/together”…..beautiful, for them…the togetherness….and best for you, for support and more.

Hoping Thursday answers all your questions……and let us know, if you wish….how it went……(Write down all your questions)

My aunt and uncle (ONT) just got the re-unification at their long term care facility….they got a “double room”…..they are happy, united….and are 92, 93, respectively….

Let's Hope Together!!




5 Posts

@Whitelilies thank you so much for your kind words of support…they mean so much!
That‘s so wonderful to hear about your aunt and uncle being reunified together once again. What a sweet story!

1297 Posts


no need to every apologize here for ‘ranting’. ever. in fact, we use the words: real talk.
there is no story shared that is considered a rant. so thank you for sharing your family with us. this time must be so difficult for you all. it IS hard to be the decision maker; as an oldest sib, I feel that 100%.

your dad's situation is also a great reminder that often cancer does not stand alone. there are often pre-existing medical situations that we all deal with that make the gut punch of a diagnosis even more difficult.

sending my best wishes your way that things work out as well as they can for your dear old dad.

sounds like you have some wonderful support within the family, but please feel welcome here anytime. more often than we realize, posts that we make can help others!

hugs from over here

#newdiagnosis #caregiver #dementia #careoptions #realtalk #chemo #radiation

5 Posts

@supersu thank you for your warm and kindhearted words! It’s so nice to be on a forum where everyone gets it and there is so much support. Big hugs right back at you!🤗

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@Lor4873 it’s a safe space here - whatever you need, I hope you can feel the compassion and big hug from this community.

Difficult conversations for sure, and you sound very level headed about it all. I wish you well in working out what the plan is.

The first rule of caring is to take care of yourself, because that’s how you bring your best to your parents. Think about what you need and how you can take time away from cancer and dementia to recharge. This is different for everyone - time in the gym, walking the dog, time with a friend over coffee, but there are also outsiders who can help. Your Dads cancer centre will have counsellors or social workers available for family members as well as patients to talk to and they really are extremely helpful.

best wishes to you, Essjay

5 Posts

@Essjay thank you so much! Such a blessing to have an amazing and supportive community on my side. Today is the day we learn what my dad’s proposed treatment plan is. I’m feeling a sense of calm at the moment …took my dogs on a long walk through the forest and had time to have some final moments of reflection before I make my way to pick up my dad.
Thanks to everyone for your comforting and encouraging words.


2127 Posts

@Lor4873 - How are things going? Update us if you feel up to it.

Warm hugs

5 Posts

@Trillium good morning! Thank you so much for asking about my dad! We saw his chemo oncologist a few weeks ago and he and his team felt that the best course of action would be to do a short course of radiation therapy of about 5 to 6 days. We are so thankful that dad doesn’t have to endure chemo because his body is already weak and he is also so thin.
We will be meeting with his radiologist in a few weeks- it appears that, despite the size of his tumour (11cm), it is not a fast growing one based on the last few recent scans that he has had.

Thank you so much for checking in💗🤗!

2127 Posts

@Lor4873 - thanks for letting us know. It does feel somewhat better when there is a treatment plan in place and you know more about what you have to deal with.

What really helped me with coping was this free caregiving program which was all online. You cam get so caught up in caregiving that you forget to take care of yourself. Also, this wonderful new caregiving organization serves the needs of those of us who are non- professional unpaid caregivers! Lots of dementia care resources there as well.


Please keep us updated!

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