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Nearing the end
23laura
31 Posts
Feeling overwhelmed with sadness Dad is unresponsive now I heard his last Goodnight and I Love You on Sunday evening. I know for him it's time for his suffering to end but my heart is finding it soooo difficult to let go. I have expressed to him it's ok.
please keep him in your thoughts as I do all of you.

I have found much comfort and support from many of you. Sometimes it's easier to come here than express verbally to friends. Thank you
27 Replies
brittanyc
107 Posts

@23laura

I am so sorry to read this update. Please keep leaning on us, we are all here with you.
Keeping you and your dad in my thoughts ❤

Runner Girl
2894 Posts

@23laura

I am so sorry it's reached this point. Hold onto those last words. We are here for you.

Runner Girl

Brighty
8498 Posts

I'm so deeply sorry @23laura . My heart is breaking for you. The devotion and care you showed your dad was endless. You were so lucky to have each other. Take comfort that you did everything humanly possible to love and keep him comfortable for him in his last days. He knew it too. You are simply fabulous. We will be here to continue to support you as you need.

@23laura

You are among friends here. We are thinking of you during this difficult time.

hugs,

Lacey

23laura
31 Posts

Thank you always Brighty for your kind words and support ALWAYS

JustJan
1728 Posts

@23laura I‘m sorry to hear about your dad. He is so lucky to have you. Thinking of you as you go through difficult days ahead. We are here to support you. Sending a big virtual hug. ❤️

JenG
165 Posts

Having just been through this with my mom, I can appreciate how hard this is. I’ll be thinking of you.

Cynthia Mac
3983 Posts
23laura‍ , every once in a while I come across a post that triggers a memory, and yours was one. To be honest, I don’t remember my Dad’s last words to me - it probably wouldn’t have been coherent, as his last month put him in hospital with stroke-like and dementia symptoms.

What I do remember, in those last 8 days when he was under his directions for care, was reassuring him over and over that it was ok for him to go - we were all going to be alright, and it was ok to go be with mom. Sometimes they seem to hang on to that permission, and sometimes it seems to make them dig in their heels. We have no way of knowing, but either way, it is a final gift that we can give them before we are tasked with carrying on without them.

Know that the sense of hearing is the last to go, so don’t stop talking.

I hope this painful time will end quickly for both of you, and that his memory will help you through your grief.
law1
732 Posts

I send warm hugs to you and your father, @23laura, as you both go through a transition. It is indeed easier to post on this site rather than speaking aloud.

Everyone here is with you

law1

Boby1511
1029 Posts

@23laura

that is very sad. My heart is with you both.

D1955
124 Posts

@23laura

So sorry to hear your dad is near the end.

I vividly remember my dad's last days. We spent time talking to him, moistened his lips, telling him it was ok to leave we would take care of our step mom. We would sit some times in silence but felt he could still hear us when we talked softly to him. The nurses were great with their care and their timely response to his pain meds.

I feel him in my heart and still miss him dearly after nearly 14 years.

I keep a picture of him with me every day.

Allow yourself to grieve as it usually starts before they pass away. Hold memories close as they will help you in rough times ahead.

Sending Hugs and prayers your way.

Dee

Essjay
2051 Posts

@23laura so sorry to hear this. It is one of the hardest things to be there and see your Dad slip away xx

Leighj
12 Posts
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hold on to those words. The last words my husband said before his passing was I love you and it sure helped me get though the tough days that followed. 💕
23laura
31 Posts

Dad passed very peacefully last evening around 7. We were fortunate to have granted his wish of passing at home in the home he lovingly built for our family in 1974. He was surrounded by all his children who loved him immensely. I am sooooooooo very sad but am comforted by the fact he is not suffering anymore. It gets to that point when your selfishness needs to be put aside for his comfort and peace.

My heart will be with all of you as this terrible horrible disease affects our lives. Thank you again for the support, comfort, kind words ❤.

Laura

Runner Girl
2894 Posts

@23laura

Please accept my most sincere condolences on the passing of your father. You're so right, he is not suffering anymore and is at peace.

If you need, please join us in the Coping with Grief group.

Please take care of yourself in these next few weeks, be patient and loving with yourself as you move through the stages of grief.

Runner Girl

Bluenoser13
77 Posts

May his last words be of comfort to you. As a father, I’m sure he appreciated everthing you did for him. Just knowing that he loved you, in time will bring you smiles to replace the tears. Celebrate his life and rejoice knowing he is at rest. 🙏🏻

supersu
1297 Posts

@23laura

Laura
awwww…thank you so much for the update.
sending my sincere condolences to you, your family & all those who loved your dad.

my dear old dad used to say: we don't live forever; but we can make things that will. sounds like your dad did exactly that with his beautiful house and loving family.

take care of yourselves.

hugs
su

#finalchapter #cancerinthefamily #caregiversareANGELSonearth

JenG
165 Posts

@23laura Even though You knew this was going to happen, it’s still a big deal and your dad’s death will leave a big space in your heart. I’m so very sorry. Being able to have him die at home was a great gift you gave him. Do take it slowly as you enter this next phase. The double role of caregiver and daughter is a heavier load. Many hugs sent your way…

Cynthia Mac
3983 Posts
23laura‍ I am truly sorry for your loss, yet glad you were able to be with him at the end and that he had such love around him.

As Runner Girl‍ Said, we have a discussion here for dealing with grief. If you find you need the support, we are still here.
Trillium
2127 Posts

@23laura - I’m so sorry for the loss of your father. May you and your family find peace in the days ahead.

J1f2s3
44 Posts

Cynthia Mac I’m sorry for your loss,yet it is profound that you were able to be with him to the end.

CentralAB
1267 Posts

23laura:
Feeling overwhelmed with sadness Dad is unresponsive now I heard his last Goodnight and I Love You on Sunday evening. I know for him it's time for his suffering to end but my heart is finding it soooo difficult to let go. I have expressed to him it's ok.
please keep him in your thoughts as I do all of you.

I have found much comfort and support from many of you. Sometimes it's easier to come here than express verbally to friends. Thank you

Hello @23laura This is such sad news to hear, but I am glad you found this web site and that we can be here for you. I recall all too well when my late wife died of cancer about a year and a half ago; and I went through similar things. During those last few days I never left her bedside, and then at last she died in my arms one night when I was carrying her from one room to the next.

It was so difficult to let go, I knew her time was short, and all I could think of to do was the obvious re personal care, but I had no way to control the feeling of deep loss and sadness that the love of my life was slipping away from me right before my eyes.

I remember telling her once “it's OK for you to go. I know you are tired. I will be OK. I will take care of myself and we will meet again on that resurrection morning.”

Understandably, not everyone will have specific beliefs like that yet, from my experience, giving some form of hope during those last few days or weeks can also be a major stress reliever for the caregiver. Just say whats on your heart. He can still hear you even if he cannot respond verbally anymore.

I remember with gladness one time when my wife was still able to talk a wee bit about two weeks before she died. I asked her if she only had five minutes left and could only say one thing more to me before she died, what would she say?

She had been unable to respond verbally for a few days previous. But this time she sat straight up, smiled, and proclaimed “I was loved.” What a wonderful gift for me to carry around now!

Ill keep your loved one in your thoughts as you requested. If you look, you will find fragments of hope in your own situation. Please come back as often as you need to. Ill watch this topic as I am sure others will too. We will be here for you.

CentralAB
1267 Posts

23laura:

Dad passed very peacefully last evening around 7. We were fortunate to have granted his wish of passing at home in the home he lovingly built for our family in 1974. He was surrounded by all his children who loved him immensely. I am sooooooooo very sad but am comforted by the fact he is not suffering anymore. It gets to that point when your selfishness needs to be put aside for his comfort and peace.

My heart will be with all of you as this terrible horrible disease affects our lives. Thank you again for the support, comfort, kind words ❤.

Laura

OOPS I am sorry, I just posted but saw this just now. I see your dad has just passed away.I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad you are finding comfort in the fact he is no longer suffering. It may take a while but you will find other things to take comfort in from this situation. If you are having challenges/questions re dealing with grief, I hope you will revisit this topic or start another one to chat about that. We want to be here for you. The people here were so good to me and really made a huge difference in my life both before and after my wife died. Ranting is allowed. Now after everything is done, you will have a chance to rest yourself. 😀

23laura
31 Posts

Your kind words touched me, thank you. I am sooooo very grateful to have his last words spoke to me were ILOVE YOU.. I will treasure those forever. I pray he is healing already.

Brighty
8498 Posts

@23laura i want to Express my deepest condolences to you on the loss of your dad. Im so deeply sorry. Please know we are still here to support you whenever you need.

@23laura sending you some light in your sadness on the loss of you Dad. @CentralAB What a gift your wife’s words were. Thank you for sharing 💛

D1955
124 Posts

@23laura

I to send heart felt condolences to you and your family. May love and great memorie carry you forward. Remember to take some alone time to let your grief out over the next few weeks.

Hugs

Dee

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