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Loneliness, yet again....

I am in my early 40's, caring for my wife with stage 4 breast cancer, which has now spread to the bones. We have kids, one still very small, and not much of the outside support. No family or friends around.

I’ve been reading here about loneliness, some of it is very specific. Like, a person has this very specific type of cancer and wants to ‘hang out' with people from the same cancer category and so on.

So, here I am, with my selfishly specific urge: I would love to (try to) hang out…. virtually, sure …. with young (in their 30’s 40’s) families, with small kids, who are also affected by metastatic cancer. Any stage 4 cancer. How do they manage to live day by day, how do they manage to laugh, to plan things, how much do they tell their children? Or, you know, sometimes, I want to b**** about my wife, but doing so with ”normal” people, who aren’t going through this, would sound horrible.

I feel super lonely, all my friends of our age are still happily married, mostly healthy, nothing super serious, and are of no use.

Finding people who go through the same thing… is it too much to ask?

And, please, no therapists. F.. the therapists. I have had those. Still seeing one. Not helpful.

6 Replies
Whitelilies
1901 Posts

@from_breakfast_to_madness I want to share this link with you:

Whitelilies
1901 Posts

@from_breakfast_to_madness

Facebook

The Canadians with Metastatic Breast Cancer Facebook Group is a group just for Canadians living with this disease to feel safe and secure in discussing and assisting one another with the unique issues that come with having metastatic breast cancer while living in Canada. The group gives the Canadian perspective on healthcare, medications, insurance, disability, employment, and more.

Whitelilies
1901 Posts

@from_breakfast_to_madness

Latest activity: Jan 1, 2022

Moderators wrote:

First and Third Tuesdays, 4pm, ET

Register in advance for this meeting HERE.

After registering, you will receive a confirmation email containing information about joining the meeting.

MBC Caregiver meetup

To send a Private Message to the Mods: community.breastcancer.org/mem...

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supersu
727 Posts

@from_breakfast_to_madness

good morning

thank you so much for your post - not selfish at all! I really do hope that you can connect with somebody in a similar space as you; being a caregiver is tough stuff & kids at home would only make that harder.

I have a few suggestions that you may find helpful---

Canadian Cancer Society has ‘information specialists’ available during the week. they may have some resource information for you? great place to start.



the ‘beauty’ of COVID is that any program, anywhere is basically accessible no matter where you are. I am in Alberta and know of a couple of places that you can access some connections.

#caregiversalberta also has a virtual chat link on their home page….

#WELLSPRING has many chapters across the country - this is just one location…..

also-here are a couple of one time presentations in the evening….the ‘Invisible Patient’ presentation looks FANTASTIC.

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I have been both a caregiver & a cancer patient and I agree with you: ‘lonely' is unfortunately a key component of caregiving. both suck big time, (obviously), but honestly, the harder gig for me was caregiver.

being the caregiver is a crazy place where you are now forced into a role you never would have applied for, with someone who you love who has turned into a patient, (in my case not a great patient, ha ha), and somehow you have to hold everything together while your whole world is turned upside down.

in my experience, my spouse patient received TONS of support, while I was often excluded from that part of things.
I went thru this stuff 20+ years ago, so I am hoping things are different now????

#COVIDcaregiving is probably just as ‘great’ as #COVIDcancer, am I right??

I acknowledge my situation is very different than yours. I have no kids and I am old as dirt. not helpful to you right now. BUT….I am so happy that you have posted and articulated your needs as each and every post you make here has the potential to reach the ‘right’ person. I will cross my fingers that you ‘click’ with someone soon. this cancer connection community is amazing. please let us know how things are moving along for you all. we are here for all the #realtalk.

cheers & hugs to you and your family
su

#caregiversupport #caregivingishardwork #caregivingislonesome #cancerinthefamily #cancerconnectioncommunity

Cynthia Mac
3575 Posts
from_breakfast_to_madness‍ , I’m glad you’ve found this site. There is a group for young people with cancer, aimed more at the 20-40 set, and we do have a few young people who are active on the site who have young children and are about your age. alexisrj‍ Is one, I believe, so I’m tagging her in case she can offer you some insights or knows someone who can relate to you.

I echo the comments of others that caregiving CAN indeed be a lonely effort. Again, I’m glad you’ve reached out here, and hope you’ll find the right group for you. We’re here to listen, if you need us!

PS to supersu‍ - love your new avatar!

What city do you live in? If you’re close to me I love to meet you. I have the same thing going on in my house.

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